Teen Independence: How do we as parents prepare our children for independence? We have to teach them the value of hard work, just how far a dollar really goes and that not everyone is as nice, forgiving and accommodating as mom and dad.
by Stephanie Partridge
Put independence into practical steps
Browse practical guides covering money, housing, work, meals, and home routines for teens and young adults preparing to live more independently.
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How do we, as parents, know when it is time for our offspring to leave the nest? And at what point should we push them out of the nest? This dilemma has been plaguing parents for ages. But the bigger question is how do we prepare our children for independence? If you have seen the comedy, “Failure to Launch,” about an adult man who still lives with him parents, you may have chuckled a few times, but in the back of your mind you were probably thinking, “That could be me!”
The confusing thing about this is that if you ask ten different parents you will get ten different answers. When it comes to raising kids and parenting with love and logic, parents tend to have strong opinions.
The adult child in the movie was equipped for the “real world,” but had little motivation to “launch.” His parents made his world cushy and he had no motivation to leave the nest. As parents, it is instinctual to try to do things to make our children’s lives easier. We want them to be happy and we don’t want them to experience discomfort or pain.
Unfortunately, life isn’t so kind – and we won’t always be around to shield them from the harshness of reality.
This means that it is our duty as parents to prepare them. We have to teach them the value of hard work, just how far a dollar really goes and that not everyone is as nice, forgiving and accommodating as mom and dad. And the pain from that growth is almost as hard on us as it is on our children. But it is very, very necessary.
I had an “easy” life when it came to chores, money and “stuff.” I didn’t have to do chores, my parents gave me money whenever I wanted it and whatever “stuff” I wanted or needed was supplied to me with little or no effort on my part.
When I moved out of my parent’s house at age 19 I was lost. My neighbor’s 16 year old son would come over and mop my floors (he eventually taught me). I worked, but things had always come so easy for me that I really had little appreciation for things I had. I floundered for a while, treading water and barely staying afloat. I was overwhelmed to say the least. When I started having children I was really, really lost.
It wasn’t until I was 31 and a freshman in college, raising three small children that I began to get my feet under me. Those five years were transforming for me. I became very non-materialistic, more aware of how I was handling my money and I became more disciplined.
And I was determined that my children would not have such difficulties transitioning into the real world.
I taught all three of my kids to cook, starting at an early age. My oldest son is an amazing cook and my daughter is now taking gourmet cooking classes. My youngest knows how to cook, but it isn’t his favorite thing to do. They also all three know how to keep up a house, wash clothes, clean, manage money and get around both in a car and using public transportation.
They grew up experiencing my resourcefulness as I managed to raise them with very, very little child support or help. They are all outside-of-the –box thinkers and have on more than one occasion come up with brilliantly unique solutions to difficult problems. They have their assigned chores and each has a night that they must plan, shop for and prepare the family meal. My 17 year old daughter, however, will text me at work, particularly if she sees I am running late, asking if I want her to start dinner. I think they are growing into self sufficient, independent young adults.
What Your Teen Should Know About Being Independent
Table of Contents
Writer Harry H. Harrison, Jr. has written a book that is a must-read for parents who want to prepare their children for the real world: 1001 Things Every Teen Should Know Before They Leave Home: (Or Else They’ll Come Back)
deals with this sometimes difficult topic with compassion and humor. According to Harrison, studies indicate that of the teens that leave home to “get out on their own,” a full 50% of them will move back home in five or six years – and stay for a while. The book prepares parents for preparing their teens for survival in the adult world. The table of contents alone is a veritable fount of information. The titles of the chapters read like a set of practical guidelines:
A little backup for the teen years
Browse stage-specific books on communication, boundaries, adolescent development, and staying connected through the wonderfully strange teen years.
When should parents start teaching teens to be independent?
The earlier, the better — but it’s never too late to start. Teaching teens to cook, clean, do laundry, manage money, and get around on their own gives them real skills before they’re out on their own. Even high schoolers can take on planned family meals, handle their own laundry, and learn basic budgeting. The goal is to have them leave prepared, not lost.
What life skills should teenagers know before leaving home?
At minimum, teens should know how to cook a meal, keep a home reasonably clean, do their own laundry, manage a basic budget, and get around independently. Just as important: understanding that the comfortable lifestyle they grew up with doesn’t automatically transfer to adult life. Knowing how far a dollar really goes is one of the most valuable things a parent can teach.
How can I raise a self-sufficient teen without being too hard on them?
It’s not about being harsh — it’s about giving real responsibilities and letting natural consequences happen, with you still nearby as a safety net. Assign chores with real stakes, like having them plan and cook a family meal one night per week. Talk honestly about money and how adult life actually works. Let them solve problems creatively. It’s hard to watch them struggle, but that growth is exactly what prepares them for the world.
I feel this book is a “must have” for all parents. Parenting your teens and young adult children can be quite difficult and I applaud the author in recognizing the need for such guidance. It is never too late to institute any of these boundaries with your children, and they will respect you all the more for doing so. Thank you.
deals with this sometimes difficult topic with compassion and humor. According to Harrison, studies indicate that of the teens that leave home to “get out on their own,” a full 50% of them will move back home in five or six years – and stay for a while. The book prepares parents for preparing their teens for survival in the adult world. The table of contents alone is a veritable fount of information. The titles of the chapters read like a set of practical guidelines:
I feel this book is a “must have” for all parents. Parenting your teens and young adult children can be quite difficult and I applaud the author in recognizing the need for such guidance. It is never too late to institute any of these boundaries with your children, and they will respect you all the more for doing so. Thank you.