by Shirley Cress Dudley
1. Keep it Focused on the Kids
Table of Contents
2. Keep it Sane
Don’t take your ex-spouse’s emotions personally. Sometimes your ex will express inappropriate or exaggerated feelings. An example may be that you can’t show up for your son’s softball game, and this results in a 10-minute yelling, screaming message left on your answering machine. Just step away from the emotions, and realize that she is expressing her feelings that you are not attending the event, and believes your son will be disappointed. These feelings are O.K.- but not the yelling and screaming. Don’t respond to these exaggerated emotions- just let it go.3. Keep it Organized
Prepare a visitation calendar in advance. Follow the guidelines set by your separation agreement and schedule special events as far in advance as possible. Kids like to know where they are going to be. It’s helpful to give each child a pocket calendar so they can keep up with their visits to mom and dad.4. Keep it Fair
Remember that you are doing what’s best for the kids by arranging for them to spend time with both mom and dad. Don’t cheat your ex out of visitation time, nor should you opt-out of your assigned time. Remember to alternate the holidays each year. Reassure your kids that Christmas on the 26th, or their birthday on the following Saturday, is still a special event. Make it fun to switch the days, and still enjoy the holidays together.5. Keep it Flexible
Things happen, special events arrive at the last minute. Be flexible if your ex wants to change the visitation schedule. If you notice that this happens frequently, remind him that you need at least a month’s notice to properly rearrange your schedule. With a month’s notice, you will be happy to make the changes. When emergencies or special events pop up, both mom and dad will need to “flex” their schedules to accommodate.Conclusion: Keep it Focused on the Kids
Do what’s best for your kids. Talk with them, ask them about their upcoming events and encourage them to keep you informed so that you can stay an active part of their lives. Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master’s degree in Education. She has a passion for helping blended families grow strong and be successful. She is a member of a blended family herself with 5 kids, ages 14-21. She has a passion for helping blended families grow strong and be successful. You can visit Shirley at http://www.BlendedFamilyAdvice.com/What are the key tips for successful coparenting?
Successful coparenting centers on keeping every decision and conversation focused on the children. The five core principles are: keep communication focused on the kids, stay calm when your ex reacts emotionally, stay organized with a shared visitation calendar, keep arrangements fair by honoring visitation time and alternating holidays, and stay flexible when schedules need to change.
How should I communicate with my ex when coparenting?
Limit communication with your ex to topics that directly involve the children — their schedules, school events, health needs, and activities. It is no longer necessary to share day-to-day updates or personal conversation. Keeping the scope of contact narrow helps both parents stay focused on what matters most: the kids.
How do I handle it when my ex reacts with anger or exaggerated emotion?
Try not to take your ex’s emotional outbursts personally. When an angry or exaggerated reaction occurs, step back and recognize that it usually reflects concern for the children, even if it is expressed poorly. Resist responding in kind — let it go. Reacting to overblown emotions only escalates conflict and pulls the focus away from your kids.
How should I organize a coparenting visitation schedule?
Prepare a shared visitation calendar well in advance, following the terms of your separation agreement. Schedule special events and holidays as early as possible so both households can plan. Giving each child a small pocket calendar helps them know exactly where they will be, which reduces anxiety and makes transitions between homes feel more predictable.
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