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Home Moms Parenting

I’m going to be the perfect mom…yeah, right!

mom guilt and the perfect mom myth
No parent has to be perfect to be deeply loving and present.
Most of us truly believe we can be perfect moms and want to be with our whole hearts. Unfortunately, it is impossible. But here is how you can be the best mom you can be.

by Maureen LoBue – President of the Mean Moms Club

June Cleaver - the perfect mom? When your first baby was born, did you look at that perfect little face and say, “I’m going to be the perfect mom for you”? Most of us did. But you know what? There is no such thing. Most of us realize that when we have the second baby. By the third baby, experienced moms look at that perfect little face and say, “I hope I can survive this”. Most of us truly believe we can be perfect moms and want to be with our whole hearts. Unfortunately, it is impossible. There is no such thing, unless you watched Leave it to Beaver. And we know June was really an android that Ward built in his garage. Three points need to be made about this idea of being the perfect mom.
  • First, realize it’s impossible and be ok with the fact that you are not, and never will be, the perfect mom. Take a deep breath & say it, ” It’s ok!”
  • Second, once you accept that, life and parenting will get much easier because you get to buy out of the guilt that we are typically so good at. That guilt just wears us down and we don’t need anything else to wear us down!
  • Third, recognize the fact that this is beyond tough, beyond exhausting, beyond anything else you’ll ever do. You must have a support network, whether that is family or friends or playgroups. If you are exhausted or overwhelmed you cannot be there at all for your kids, let alone part of the time.
Now, how do you become the best Imperfect mom you can be? Follow the JUNE acronym. J – Jolt yourself out of perfection thinking with affirmations to non-perfection U – Undo the guilt with phrases to encourage yourself N – Network with people who can support you and use them E – Energize yourself with realistic goals that you can meet Jolt yourself out of perfection thinking with affirmations to non-perfection: Say these to yourself as many times as necessary to believe them:
  • I love my kids with my whole heart and will be there for them as much as I can be
  • I will forgive myself for the days or moments that I am too tired or frustrated to “do the right thing”
  • I will recognize and allow myself to need a break
  • I will use my support network when I need that break
Undo the guilt with phrases to encourage yourself when you were not “perfect” in something you said or did. Be sure the phrases or words are natural to you. What do you tell yourself whenever you are trying to encourage yourself? It might be phrases like:
  • It’s ok to be too tired today
  • I’m doing the best I can
  • Tomorrow will be a better day
When changing a way of thinking, you need to support and reinforce the change over and over until you believe it. Say the phrases or words you listed every time you feel those guilt pangs start to jab you. Network with people who can support you and use them. Make a list of the people who can support you when you need them. Then put this list in a handy place near the phone. Put them on speed dial in your cell phone! Include:
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Play group moms
Energize yourself with realistic goals that you can meet. Now make a list of the realistic goals you can set to be the best mom possible. They might be things such as:
  • I can go to most of the little league games, maybe 75% of them
  • I can read bedtime stories 3 times a week
  • We can all sit down together for dinner 4 days a week
By following JUNE rather than being June, you can be a great Imperfect mom and your kids will do just fine. The bottom line is you can’t function at 100% all the time. What you can do is the best you can at any given time. Moms are human too. When my sons were growing up I didn’t want to be a “Because I said so” mom. So my response when they had to follow an unpopular rule was “Because it’s in the Mom’s Rule Book.” When they would claim that makes me a mean mom, I would say, “I am so mean, I’m President of the Mean Mom’s Club!” Now the “rule book” has been written, combining my MA degree in education and child development with 25 years of professional experience in school system, hospital, and homeless shelter environments to create a common sense foundation to be a take charge parent. Biography:

by Maureen LoBue – President of the Mean Moms Club

mom guilt eased by imperfect family moments
The imperfect moments often become the ones families remember tenderly.

Mean Mom Club: The Moms Rule Book can be found purchased directly from Amazon by clicking on the book below:

Is it normal to feel like a failure as a mom?

Completely normal — and it’s actually a sign that you care deeply. The idea of the perfect mom is a myth. By the time most parents have their second child, they’ve realized perfection isn’t the goal; survival and genuine love are. Accepting that you won’t get everything right, and releasing the guilt that comes with that, is what frees you to actually be present for your kids in the ways that matter most.

How can moms stop feeling guilty about not being perfect parents?

Start by replacing the goal of perfection with a more honest one. Use affirmations that fit your real life — ‘I love my kids and I’m doing my best’ goes a lot further than holding yourself to an impossible standard. When you catch yourself in the guilt spiral, those phrases become a practical tool for redirecting your thoughts. Guilt wears you down; permission to be human gives you energy back.

Why do moms need a support network, and how do they build one?

Parenting is genuinely one of the most demanding things a person can do, and trying to do it in isolation is unsustainable. A support network — family, friends, other parents, a playgroup — gives you someone to call on the hard days, which means you’re actually more available for your kids the rest of the time. Building one starts simply: reach out to people you trust, put them on speed dial, and actually use them when you need to instead of pushing through alone.

What does it mean to be a ‘best imperfect mom’ instead of the perfect mom?

It means setting real, honest goals instead of impossible ones — attending most of the games rather than all of them, reading bedtime stories a few nights a week, sitting down together for dinner most nights. When your goals are achievable, you actually meet them, and that builds real confidence rather than constant disappointment. The JUNE framework — Jolt out of perfection thinking, Undo guilt, Network with support, Energize with realistic goals — is a practical way to get there.

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