Raising Happy Children:
Table of Contents
1) In order to raise a happy child we need to model what we want our children to be. Present a model of a positive respectful adult, treating your partner, teachers, and community leaders in a positive way. Do not make fun of your partner, he or she is a huge part of how a child sees themselves. Even if you do not always agree with what a teacher or school employee does, disagree in a healthy manner. These adults are the anchors in your children’s’ lives. If you treat them well, your child will as well. He will feel good about himself and these people in his life will reflect his attitude back to him.
2) Your children need to feel confident about the future. Be positive about your job, and do not walk in the front door complaining about the economy and your co workers and boss. Let your kids know that you will have a way to support yourself and them. If you are economizing, remind them that it is a choice to live responsibly, paying the bills before having entertainment. When you need a new job, go ahead and look, but do not make it your child’s problem. Work if you have the opportunity, and value your job, so that you will raise a worker.
3) Praise your children, but not excessively or extremely. Use specific words of praise. Instead of looking at their picture and saying “What an excellent picture. I love it. You are the best” a better comment would be: “I like your picture, tell me about it. I can see it means a lot to you and that you have talent. I like the red bow you put on the dog.” The phrase “Tell me about it” lets them know that you want to hear what is important to them.
4) Respect your children’s privacy and dignity. Do not talk about their “problems” in front of them, like they are things instead of people. Be cautious who you share that information with. Not everyone needs to know that they wet the bed, or have ADHD or threw a really big tantrum. They did not choose these conditions. On the other hand, do let your children hear you praising them or bragging on them, when they think they are eavesdropping. “Jill helped with supper last night and set the table.” “Sam plays well with all the younger children when I need to get things done.” When you tell other people how much you value their contributions, your child will be motivated to help even more often and feel like they are an important family partner.
5) All of us like choices, and children want choices. Give appropriate choices to your kids. What would you like to wear, this one, or that one? Shall we eat at this food place, or would you rather go to this other place? Do you want to play soccer this year? When someone gives a child a choice, they give power and confidence.
6) As much as possible, let your child experience natural consequences for his deeds. If you throw the snowball up in the air it may land on you. When you do not do homework, you get a bad grade. Not eating all of your supper means that you may be hungry before bed time. You said you did not want to play soccer this year, and now it is too late to sign up. You may play next year. You did not take your orchestra music to school and now you must stay after school.
7) Enjoy having new experiences with your kids. Try a new recipe together, from shopping to chopping to cooking. Visit museums, and go to local festivals. Visit a “pick your own” farm. Try different things like an escape room which you can enjoy together. Research an idea on the internet or at the library. Let them know you do not know everything, but you certainly like learning in their company. It is a lot of fun.
What is the most important thing I can do to raise a happy child?
Model the behavior you want your child to have. When you treat your partner, teachers, and community leaders with genuine respect, and stay positive about your work and your family’s future, your child builds a stable internal picture of a world worth engaging with. Children who see respectful adults around them tend to feel good about themselves and mirror that respect back.
How should I praise my child without overdoing it?
Use specific, honest words instead of sweeping superlatives. Rather than ‘You are the best, I love it!’ try something like: ‘I like your picture—tell me about it. I can see the red bow you put on the dog.’ The phrase ‘Tell me about it’ signals that you genuinely want to hear what matters to them. Specific praise is more motivating and feels more real than generic enthusiasm.
Should I let my child experience natural consequences for their actions?
Yes, as much as possible. If a snowball thrown in the air lands back on them, that is the lesson. Not doing homework earns a bad grade; skipping supper may mean hunger before bed; missing the registration deadline means waiting until next year. These natural cause-and-effect experiences teach responsibility and self-awareness far more lastingly than a parent swooping in to fix things.
How do I give my child a sense of confidence about the future?
Keep adult worries from becoming their worries. If money is tight, frame it as a responsible choice—paying bills before entertainment—rather than a crisis. When you need to job-search or manage stress, do that without making it your child’s burden. Children who see their parents handling challenges calmly grow up believing they too will find a way to manage life.
Thank you for this. I appreciate your common sense approach, and your emphasis on respect. I am always stunned when parents talk about a toddler’s smelly diaper in front of othres, and then grab the child and look down his pants. It makes me want to ask the parent if he or she would like to be treated that way! (I usually don’t.) Children are smaller, but deserve to be honored with the same human respect as adults do. The happiest child is not the child who cries the least, it is the one who feels accepted, valued and respected for all that he is, and isn’t.