More and more families are becoming blended families which means that parents are remarrying and children and gaining new step parents. This can also mean some rocky roads ahead. Blended families rarely mesh together easily and seamlessly, there is usually a great deal of adjustment and often a lot of conflict. Step children may be resentful to the new parent, feeling that the step parent wants to take the biological parent’s place. Children can become surly, depressed and combative. They may act out at home or at school causing their parents a great deal of stress and worry. This is normal, but that knowledge does not make the transition any easier. These tips, however, might.The three L’s can help foster any relationship, but they can most certainly turn around a step child who does not accept you.
- Learn
- Listen
- Love
Learn what they like and don’t like, what their dreams are, who they admire and why. In short, get to know the child as a person.
Listen to them when they talk. Really listen, don’t just hear. Don’t try to fix all of their problems or tell them what to do. Ask questions to find out what they are thinking and ask for their opinion.
Love them, just love them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Table of Contents
What should I do if my stepchild does not accept me?
Start slowly and let the relationship grow at the child’s pace. The article reminds stepparents not to expect an overnight bond, but to stay steady, be trustworthy, and give the child time to see that you are not going away.
Should a stepparent try to replace a child's mom or dad?
No. This article is clear that trying to become the new mom or dad can create resentment. A healthier place to begin is as a friend, a confidant, and a trustworthy adult while honoring the child’s existing parent relationships.
How should a stepparent handle discipline early on?
The article suggests disciplining as the adult in charge, not as if you already hold the same role as the child’s parent. Step-parent authority often takes years to earn, so patience and consistency matter more than rushing into a full parental role.
Why do stepparents and biological parents need a united front?
Children may test weak spots when adults disagree about discipline or parenting. The article advises spouses to back each other up and avoid letting children see cracks in discipline decisions, even when the adults need to talk privately later.
What are the three L's for building a relationship with a stepchild?
The three L’s are learn, listen, and love. Learn who the child is, listen carefully instead of only trying to fix things, and keep showing love even while the family is still adjusting.
Biography
Stephanie Partridge: I am a mom, not just to my three terrific teenagers, but to the entire neighborhood! On any given weekend we may have as many as 9 or more kids (not including my three) staying over at our house – and they all call me Mom. LOL
I believe that parenting is more than just raising kids, it is about raising adults who are productive critical thinkers. I believe in asking questions about Life’s hard questions and finding the answers together. The world is a much different place than when I was growing up. It is harder, rougher and presents many more challenges for young people and it is up to us to help these kids find their way without giving them all the answers – let them discover them on their own. When I was pregnant with my first child I was standing in line at the post office. The man in front of me suddenly turned and asked me, “How can you in good conscience bring a child into this messed up world.” I looked at him and answered, “If we don’t bring children into this messed up world, then who is going to straighten the mess out?”
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Thank you very much for this article. I’ve been doing lots of research about effective step-parenting because there are be THREE stepkids in my future… one of whom is nearly my age… and I found this really helpful.