Your childs old friends may be drifting apart, and they may be wondering how to still be friends. Here are some ideas...
Dealing with Changing Friends Going in a Different Direction
by Jennifer Shakeel
Friendships between children are always evolving — and that's part of growing up.Being in high school is a whole new world for teens. They are suddenly in a new environment and with bigger teens now. Middle school was fun your child and their friends, and now that they are in high school they will be making new friends on top of friends you already have. Your child and their old friends may be drifting apart, and may be wondering how to still be friends. If you have child who’s friend may be changing, the best thing to do is still be friends with them. It is important to teach your child that they should also go out and make new friends.
Right now my oldest daughter is going through this very thing. She and her three best friends have been friends for three years. Due to the fact that we have only lived here for 3 years, but the three girls have been friends since kindergarten. They are all drifting in different directions right now. I think a lot of it has to do with maturity and goals in life. The one friend is very vocal, loud, and to the point. She and my daughter are writing a book together and they tell everyone that they were twins separated at birth. Then one of the other girls, she is just your typical young teenager, I love her to death… but she is into boys and being a silly girl around boys. She and my daughter are close, but don’t hang out much because she is involved in color guard. Then the third girl, I am not sure how to describe her… other then very laid back. It is the first young lady that seems to be pulling away from the group right now, and it upsets my daughter.
She doesn’t want to have to choose between her friends. I have explained to her that she doesn’t need to choose. It is possible to be friends with them and others and not have all your friends travel in the same group. However if the one friend pulls away because of where they are at in life, you can’t force them to be friends with you. I look at friendship much the same as I do a committed relationship; you have to be a good enough friend to let someone go.
Dealing with Changing Friends
It’s important to remember that everyone changes over time. No one person is the same every day or even for the rest of their life. You may like a certain food one day, and the next you hate it. Being a true friend means that you accept them changing and not think differently about them as a person. Best friends don’t care if you change because your friendship is stronger than a person changing. If changing makes them happy, you as a friend should be happy as well. Sure you may be upset and surprised at first, but you’ll adjust to them soon enough. Sometimes, change can be a good thing. It won’t harm anyone is any way and can even bring the friendship closer together. They may even think of you as a better true friend for the fact that you accepted them and their new change.
Dealing with a Friend Going a Different Direction
High school can change someone in many ways. This is the point in a teen’s life when puberty kicks in and teens want to explore new options and go different ways. This can be caused by going to a new college, going to different high school, or even moving away. It can be hard to deal with any of these situations happening especially with a best friend.
Dealing with a Friend Going to a Different School
If you have a friend that is going to a different school than you, here are a few ways to save the friendship and still be in touch with each other:
Get each other’s phone number
Know where each other lives
Get each other’s e – mail address
Stay in touch often and get together
A friendship can always be saved if the two friends work at it just like anything else. Going to a different school can be difficult as new friends are made, and it becomes habit to leave the past behind. As long as you keep in touch, your friendship will last.
Dealing With a Friend Moving Away
Dealing with a friend who is moving can be extremely hard especially if it is far away or out of state. The best way to deal with this situation and to not lose contact or the friendship is to keep in touch by any means possible. This could be with e – mail, IM, text, and more.
Why do children’s friendships change over time?
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The article explains that friendships naturally evolve as children grow, especially during transitions like high school. Different maturity levels, interests, activities, and goals can pull friends in new directions. A changing friendship does not always mean someone did something wrong; often it simply reflects that each child is growing at a different pace.
How can parents help when a child feels left out by old friends?
Parents can reassure their child that they do not have to choose one friend group or force someone to stay close. The article encourages teaching children that they can keep old friendships while also making new ones. Listening without immediately fixing the problem helps a child process the hurt while learning that friendship changes are a normal part of life.
Should a child try to stay friends when someone pulls away?
The article suggests holding friendship with an open hand. A child can be kind, stay available, and keep in touch, but they cannot force another person to remain close. Being a good friend sometimes means allowing space while still treating the other person with respect.
How can kids keep friendships strong after changes or moves?
When friends move away or life changes, the article recommends using simple ways to keep in touch, such as email, instant messages, texts, or other regular communication. The deeper lesson is effort: friendships can survive distance when both people make room for each other, but children also need permission to build new friendships where they are now.
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