by Michelle Donaghey
Think before you speak
Table of Contents
Sometimes as adults we ask our children to do things before we think of what we are doing or what the consequences are. Before asking everyone to get ready to go out, find your car keys first. Before asking them to clean their rooms, decide exactly how long you will allow them to stay dirty. These kinds of things help prevent children from developing selective hearing.
Be very specific
Do not give incomplete requests that hint at what you would like your child to do. Phrases like “It would be nice if you…” or “Don't you think you should?” are not clear and specific. Children don't listen unless they know it will impact them in some way — be direct and specific.
Control your emotions and convey authority
When you lose your temper and raise your voice, children key in on your anger rather than your request. Keep your voice even and calm, and your words clear and specific.
Get up close and personal
While it is easier to call from across the room or house, children respond much better to a parent who faces them eye-to-eye. Get down to their level and explain why they need to listen. Being physically close also helps you observe whether your child is actually paying attention.
Be unified, set limits
"Parents need to be unified in what they expect and what they convey to their children. It’s always important to have a common, unified front," says Paul Gettinger, a family physician who is also the father of five young children.
"If parents set AND ENFORCE limits, children will be interested in listening because we as people always listen to what is going to affect our lives. The problem I sometimes find and what I try to educated parents with is that limits are loving and they must be enforced because they contain and teach the child what to expect. Limits represent the real world and so they (children) have to learn them to exist in society," notes Quinn.
Susan Smith, a musician and mother of six children ages 2 through 12 says one of the biggest problems with parents keeping their children in line is "lack of direction. With our kids, we have learned that you have to decide as an adult what you want and expect and to tell them the rules."
Remember, you are not their friend, you are their parent!
"Children need the boundaries. Being a "best friend" to a child is great but at some point I think that the respect issue or lack of respect comes into play. When you are a parent and set boundaries and consequences as well as discipline, you can’t be the best friend also. A best friend is a peer that understands and feels a kinship to you. Being a "best friend" is not effective in most situations because the child becomes confused as to what role the parent is playing in their lives and will become less likely to follow the rules or accept the consequences to their actions," says Snead.
All parents are capable
"Parents are dedicated in helping children grow up strong. Most of all, parents have a built-in motivation to do what’s best for their child. By building on these kinds of strengths, parents can develop better who is in charge of their lives and succeed," says the US Department of Health and Human Services, SAMSA, National Mental Health Information Center.
– Think first.
– Be specific.
– Control Emotions.
– Convey authority.
– Eye-to-eye.
Biography
Michelle Donaghey is a freelance writer and mother of two boys, Chris and Patrick, who are her inspiration. She lives in Bremen, Indiana just south of South Bend, home of Notre Dame. When she isn’t writing, Michelle can be found in her perennial flower garden or working on small home improvement projects. Michelle has written for parenting publications including Metro Kids, Atlanta Parent,Dallas Child, Great Lakes Family, Family Times and Space Coast Parent and websites including iparenting.com.
What are easy steps to get kids to listen?
The article starts with a few foundations: be unified as parents, set clear limits, enforce those limits, and keep practicing the communication skills you want to use. Listening improves when expectations are consistent.
Why do parents need to be unified when teaching kids to listen?
Children are more likely to listen when parents send the same message. The article says a common, unified front helps children understand what is expected and what will be enforced.
How do limits help children listen?
Limits tell children what to expect and why their choices matter. The article describes limits as loving because they contain, teach, and prepare children for the real world.
How can I practice better listening routines with my kids?
Keep your goals visible, remind yourself of the steps, and practice them at home. The article notes that learning these skills is a tough job, but repeated practice makes success more likely.
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