Parenting and Coaching Tweens to Get Chores Done

Because chores genuinely are not important to them. A tween already has school, friends, extracurricular activities, and the early stirrings of puberty filling their world. Chores can seem pointless from where they’re standing, which is part of why reminders and notes only go so far — the motivation has to come from somewhere else.

Quite a bit, when done consistently. Regular chores introduce tweens to responsibility, a sense of belonging, teamwork, and time management. They can also build self-esteem — there’s real pride in finishing a job well. The catch is that the lessons only stick when tweens are actually doing the chores, which means finding the right way to motivate them matters.

Match your approach to their personal style. The article describes four types: the Cognitive tween who needs clear instructions and ample time; the Behavioral tween who just needs the what and when, then wants to handle it their own way; the Affective tween who responds to fun and needs a generous timeline since they lose track of time; and the Interpersonal tween who cooperates far better when asked rather than told. Working with the style instead of against it dramatically reduces friction.

Pay attention to how your tween actually responds to tasks — not just what they say, but how they behave when something is expected of them. Once you identify their dominant personal style and adjust your approach accordingly, add in genuine praise for their efforts. The combination of working with their nature and acknowledging what they do right can turn a daily battleground into something much more manageable.