Bullying seems to becoming more and more of a problem. Here are several tips on how you can help your child stand up for themselves.
by Jennifer Shakeel
Parenting Tip One: Return an Insult with a Compliment
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Parenting Tip Two: Call the Bully Out
Sometimes taking the high road is not about not succumbing to being nasty, it is about calling the bully out for what they are doing. For the daughter of our friend, I advised that she look at her “team mate” and say, “I thought we were a team. Teammates support each other. We don’t have to like each other, but we do need to support one another.” Many times, especially with younger kids, the fact that the bully has never been called on the carpet for their behavior encourages the behavior. So when one person stands up to them and points out what they are doing is wrong it will stop the bullying.Parenting Tip Three: Allow Your Children to Express Their Feelings at Home
When a child knows that they can express themselves in the comfort and safety of their own home without repercussions they are more inclined to express themselves outside of the home. But they first have to learn how. Home should be the safe haven for freedom of expression. This will also give you the opportunity to teach them the proper way to say what they are feeling.Parenting Tip Four: Let them Know They Should Never Tolerate Being Made to Feel Uncomfortable
For children in grades kindergarten through third grade teaching them to say, “I don’t like what you did, please don’t do it again.” Can be very beneficial because this is when children are learning socialization skills and working on perfecting what it is they know. Often doing role playing games at home can help teach your child what is uncomfortable to them, but how to address it when it happens. In our home I was, and still am, very protective of my children. And my biggest fear is someone trying to do something to them… or force them to do something by telling them that it is okay, that is what love is, or if they don’t do it then their family is going to get hurt. We are very big on the good touch, bad touch issues as well. Our children know that no one is going to hurt us, regardless of what is told to them… that they can tell us anything… and that is something like this happens it is not their fault. Kids need to know that. They need to hear you say it, over and over again. They need to know that you say it is okay for them to speak their mind and the they should tell you if something happens. NEVER assume they know that if you don’t tell them.Parenting Tip Five: Get Involved
There are times when bullying gets to the point that adults need to intervene. In the case of our family friend the mom has gone to the head of the cheer-leading organization. She was told that if the coach observed that behavior the coach is to address it and give a demerit, or bench the young lady. The coach is the mom of this little girl that is doing the bullying. So what is the parent to do? I believe that there are times when you have to global parent, and you have to do it so the parent of the other child hears and sees it. This doesn’t mean that you yell at a child, or paddle them or anything like that. It means that as a parent you step in when you see this behavior and you say, “This is not how we treat one another and I am sure that your mom/dad/parents have taught you better than that.” What is the other parent going to say? Our friend has not done this because the coach then takes it out on our friend’s daughter.Parenting Tip Six: Get Your Child Involved in Sports or Clubs
Granted in the situation that that inspired this article, team activities are the cause of the problem. But that is not normally the case. Getting them involved in activities that teach them self defense such as martial arts, kickboxing, speech and debate, junior Optimists and the like will surround them with other kids that building their character and working to learn how to “defend” themselves.Parenting Tip Seven: Let Them Defend Themselves
Ok, I am not an advocate for violence, please understand that. But there are times when (with older children) that what a bully needs is to get back what it is they are dishing out. This will do a couple of things, it lets the bully know that they cannot push your child around anymore because your child is no longer afraid and it let’s your child know that sometimes you have to play on a level playing ground where all things are equal. Our children have been taught that it is never okay to start a fight, they are never to throw the first punch… but they are do defend themselves. The fact is you can’t always walk away. There are times that you either have to suck it up and take it or stand up and defend yourself. There are people that don’t learn this until they are adults, there are some that never learn it all. Teach your child now that they can defend themselves when a situation calls for it. That taking the high road does not mean being a doormat.What should I tell my child to say when a bully taunts them?
One effective approach is to return an insult with a compliment and then walk away. Bullies are looking for a reaction—when your child refuses to give them the satisfaction of looking upset, it removes the payoff. Your child can also calmly call the behavior out: ‘I thought we were a team. Teammates support each other.’ That kind of direct, non-hostile response often stops younger bullies cold, especially when they have never been called on their behavior before.
How do I help my child learn to stand up for themselves?
Create a home where feelings can be expressed safely and without repercussions. When children know they can say what they feel at home, they build the confidence to speak up outside it too. Role-playing specific scenarios helps: practice the phrase ‘I don’t like what you did, please don’t do it again’ so it comes naturally. Let your child know clearly that they should never tolerate being made to feel uncomfortable—and that you will always want to hear about it.
When should parents step in to address bullying?
When the situation has escalated beyond what your child can manage on their own, adult involvement is appropriate. Start by contacting the organization, school, or team leadership. If you witness the bullying behavior directly, you can intervene as a ‘global parent’—step in calmly and say, ‘This is not how we treat one another, and I am sure your parents have taught you better.’ You don’t need to raise your voice; steady and clear is enough.
How does getting kids involved in activities help with bullying?
Activities that build physical and social confidence—martial arts, speech and debate, team sports, junior Optimists clubs—surround your child with peers who are also building character. Learning to defend yourself in a structured, disciplined environment changes how a child carries themselves. Bullies are less likely to target someone who projects quiet self-assurance, and your child gains tools for handling conflict rather than simply enduring it.
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