by Stephanie Partridge
Emotional abuse is not only hurtful, it attacks and decimates a child’s self esteem. It is particularly damaging to the child’s sense of self worth and emotional development. A child who endures emotional abuse can experience long term effects that will carry over into adulthood. The most disturbing part of emotional abuse, though, is that it is very difficult to prove or even recognize. It does not leave bruises or visible scars like physical abuse does. However, there are ways to detect emotional child abuse, and what actions you can take to stop it.What is Emotional Abuse?
A pattern of behavior directed toward a child by an authority figure in the child’s life that attacks his or her emotional wellbeing is emotional abuse. When a parent or authority figure places unreasonable, excessive or impossible demands on the child, uses intimidation and aggressive methods or uses verbal attacks it can be considered emotional abuse. Verbal attacks may include belittling, rejecting, cruel teasing, constant criticism and insulting. In short, any attack that undermines that child’s self esteem is child abuse. Emotional abuse can also mean psychological or emotional neglect. When the parent or caregiver denies the child love, guidance or support, they are robbing that child of the ability to experience normal psychological growth and development.Emotional Abuse vs Physical Abuse
While physical abuse is terrible, emotional abuse may, in some ways, be even more heinous. In fact, many people feel that emotional abuse is worse. With physical abuse, the victim is validated. The scars and bruises are visible. There is tangible evidence that abuse has occurred. However, emotional abuse is not so easily detected. There are no scars, no bruises. There is only a barrage of emotional pain that tears down the child, wrecking his or her psychological well being. Much of the time, the victim of emotional abuse feels that they are to blame, that they somehow caused the abuse. They may even feel that they are “crazy” or that they are in error by feeling that they are being abused. The abuser often contributes to this twisted way of thinking, actually convincing the victim that they “made” the abuser hurt them or that if only they were better, smarter, prettier, whatever, they would not be hurt. The scars run deep, but they are not so easily seen.Impacts of Emotional Abuse: Immediate and Long Term
The effects of emotional abuse can be devastating and difficult to reverse. The body mends, but when the mind, spirit or psychology is broken, it is a much longer and more difficult road to repair it. Emotional abuse impacts the child’s psychological, emotional, social and cognitive development. The effects may appear immediately and plague the child well into adulthood. Those effects can manifest in the child in some heartbreaking ways. Some common problems that may result from emotional abuse include:- Insecurity
- Social Withdrawal
- Alcohol Abuse
- Poor Self Esteem
- Lack of Confidence
- Destructive Behavior
- Depression
- Anti Social Behavior
- Impaired Development of Basic Skills
- Defiant Behavior Particularly with Authority Figures
- Difficulty in Forming and Maintaining Relationships
- Unstable Job History
- Suicide
Know the Signs
While emotional abuse does not carry the bruises and scars that are hallmark indicators of typical abuse, there are ways to detect it. The indicators usually depend upon the age of the child, but one of the primary red flags is a child whose behavior is not consistent with his or her age. Some observable indicators of child emotional abuse include:- Rocking
- Sucking (thumb, fingers, etc) or Biting His or Her Self
- Inappropriate Aggression
- Stealing
- Lying
- Destructive to Other People or to Property
- Sleep Disorders
- Speech Disorders
- Restricts Play Activities or Experiences
- Compulsive
- Obsessive
- Excessive Anger
- Has Phobias
- Hysterical Outbursts
- Self Destructive
- Withdrawn
- Makes Negative Statements about Himself or Herself
- Overly Aggressive
- Shy or Passive
- Cruel to Animals
- Overly Demanding
- Overly Compliant
- Delay in Physical, Mental and Emotional Development
- Cruel to Others
- Indifference Toward the Child’s Welfare or Problems
- Is Cold Toward the Child
- Rejects the Child
- Blames the Child
- Puts the Child Down
- Call the Child Cruel, Damaging or Inappropriate Names
- Withholds Affection
- Shows Preferential Treatment to Siblings
Child Abuse Hotlines:
If you suspect a child is in immediate danger contact law enforcement as soon as possible. To get help in the U.S., call: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) – Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline To get help for child sexual abuse, call: 1-888-PREVENT (1-888-773-8368) – Stop It Now 1-800-656-HOPE Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)What is emotional child abuse?
Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior by a parent or authority figure that attacks a child’s emotional wellbeing rather than their physical body. It can include placing unreasonable or impossible demands on the child, using intimidation, or verbal attacks such as belittling, constant criticism, rejection, cruel teasing, and insulting. Emotional abuse also includes emotional neglect — when a caregiver denies the child love, guidance, or support, blocking healthy psychological development. Unlike physical abuse, it leaves no visible bruises, which makes it harder to detect and easier for an abuser to deny.
What are the signs of emotional abuse in a child?
The behavioral signs of emotional abuse in a child include rocking or self-soothing compulsively, biting or sucking themselves, inappropriate aggression, stealing, lying, destructive behavior, sleep disorders, speech disorders, phobias, hysterical outbursts, and excessive anger. Children who are emotionally abused may also withdraw socially, make consistently negative statements about themselves, become overly passive or overly demanding, show cruelty toward animals, or fall behind in their physical, emotional, or cognitive development. The key indicator is a pattern — isolated incidents may have other explanations, but a consistent, recurring pattern of these behaviors warrants attention.
How is emotional abuse different from physical abuse, and why is it harder to identify?
Physical abuse produces visible scars and bruises that validate what the victim experienced. Emotional abuse leaves no visible marks — only invisible psychological damage that is much harder to prove. Victims of emotional abuse often feel that they are to blame or that they are somehow imagining the problem, because abusers frequently reinforce this distorted thinking. There is no tangible evidence to point to, which makes emotional abuse particularly devastating and difficult for outside observers to recognize and act upon. The lack of physical evidence does not make it less serious — the long-term effects on self-worth and emotional development can be profound and lasting.
What should I do if a child tells me they are being abused?
Stay calm — do not let your face show shock, anger, or disgust, as that can shut the child down. Avoid denying or minimizing what they say, and do not interrogate them with leading questions. Instead, give them a safe, non-judgmental space to speak and just listen. Reassure them clearly that what happened is not their fault. After the conversation, report your concerns to child protective services. In the United States, teachers, doctors, counselors, and school administrators are among the professionals mandated by law to report suspicions of child abuse. For immediate help, the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline can be reached at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
