When kids talk back to their parents, grandparents, and other adults that they interact with such as coaches and teachers, it is a very challenging issue. In many cases, the adults who are on the receiving end of this behavior do not understand why this has occurred, or even how to respond to it. This can just make the situation worse. Many mental health specialists and those that specialize in child care will attest to the fact that this type of behavior is considered to be “learned”. This is, in many cases, an outright disrespect for authority and should be dealt with accordingly. Here, I will try to provide some helpful information and insight on this topic, as well as some basic techniques to cope when kids talk back.
Problems in Stopping the Back Talk
Every single day, there are adults everywhere who are at their ends wit when it comes to trying to stop kids from talking back. If you face this challenge, it is essential to know and understand that it is not appropriate to give into this type of behavior. It is considered to be highly disrespectful and disrespect should not be tolerated in children. If it is tolerated, the child will grow to develop many different types of emotional and behavioral problems. If you are having problem in stopping the back talk, it is important to evaluate your response to this behavior, as well as the responses of others. It is then that you can develop a plan to put a stop to this type of verbal disrespect.
Common Reasons for Talking Back
There are many different reasons why a child may talk back. The following list details some of the reasons why this may occur:
- If a child is talking back, it is important to observe the behavior of the adults in the home. It is a known fact that many children model themselves after the adults that they come in contact with on a daily basis. Do the adults in the home exhibit a smartallic conversational tone? Do these individuals become loud and obnoxious? If this is occurring in the home, it is quite possible that the child is not the one to blame, but the adults in the home are. Appropriate behavior modification should be implemented in order to adjust to that which is acceptable.
- If the parents and other adults around the child who is talking back often “gives in” to the behavior of the child, the kid will use this to their advantage. They will gain a certain level of control by back talking and being quite obnoxious about it. Children should grow to learn that “no” is no, and that they will not always get their way.
- Many children who do not feel as if they get any attention from their parents may begin to talk back to adults in order to acquire attention – even if it is negative. To a child, negative attention is better than no attention at all.
- If a child starts to back talk you, you should hold them accountable immediately and then follow up on this accountability by informing that their actions are unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Stop the behavior in its tracks and make sure they take you seriously when you do this. This means backing up what you say, when you say it.
- Many children will talk back to an adult to simply get an argument going. If your child does this, you hold them accountable, and they continue to engage in the behavior, simply ignore them. When they see that their ability to control and manipulate you just is not working, then eventually the behavior will die out completely.
- If your child back talks and you observe them being respectful in conversation later, you must ensure that you point this out and encourage them to act in this manner more often. Eventually, they will come to a point where they want to please you.
Why do kids talk back?
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There are usually a few reasons behind back talk. Children often model the adults around them, so a smart-alecky or loud, obnoxious tone at home can show up in their speech. Sometimes they’ve learned that talking back gets them their way when adults give in, which hands them a sense of control. And some children talk back simply to get attention, since to a child even negative attention can feel better than none at all.
How should I respond when my child talks back?
Address it right away. Hold your child accountable the moment it happens, make clear that the behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated, and back up what you say when you say it so they take you seriously. If they keep it up just to provoke an argument, calmly stop engaging. And when you later catch them speaking respectfully, point it out and encourage it, since over time they’ll want to please you.
Should I ignore back talk?
Ignoring can be effective, but with a key first step. If your child back-talks mainly to start an argument, hold them accountable first, and if they continue, simply stop reacting. When they see that being obnoxious no longer controls or manipulates you, the behavior tends to fade out on its own. The goal is to remove the payoff they’re looking for.
Can my own behavior cause my child to talk back?
It can, and it’s worth an honest look. Children model themselves after the adults they’re around every day, so if the grown-ups in the home use a smart-alecky tone or get loud and obnoxious, the child may not be the only one to blame. Evaluating how you and other adults respond, and adjusting your own behavior where needed, is often an important part of stopping the back talk.
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