Can you avoid the Mom vs Dad Tug-Of-War? Have you ever watch the program, “The Nanny”? If you have you will undoubtedly notice that most of the time kids play moms and dads against each other. Parenting can be extemely tough when a child tries to pit mom versus dad. The root cause is children need to be loved and disciplined by both parents; not by one over the other. Thus, avoiding the inevitable tug-of-war becomes the problem at hand. How to keep your kids from playing mom and dad against each other is an issue which involves many thought-provoking questions.
Children sense when mom and dad are angry; thus, if the child senses mom is becoming upset by dad, the child will immediately take sides and use it later as a way of getting what they want. Never involve your kids in an argument between you and your spouse. Children need to know they are loved by both of you, and should not have to take sides.
Raising kids to understand rules are set by both parents is the key. In this way, they cannot use any method to further favoritism. However, without realizing it, parents use kids as emotional support, or to further their own needs; or particularly in divorce cases; the child is torn and uses this as a means to garner more attention.
Children need constant reassurance they are loved; and discipline goes a long way to ensure that love. They should never be used as pawns in adult games. Parents must be unified when making decisions that affect the child. If your kids want to do something in particular, and you are against it; but your spouse is for it – this can be the beginning of the tug-of-war syndrome. Conversely, if you both sit down with your kids and discuss the matter; and give your answer jointly, your kids will understand they will not be able to play one parent against the other to incur the desired results.
Sometimes kids will try to manipulate you into getting what they want. Don’t fall for it. The power should be in your hands, not the kids. Both parents must be consistant in their actions and back up each other decisions. Disagreements should be handled outside the ears of your children. Your kids must abide by the rules you set forth, without comprising the harmony within the family. Raising kids is difficult enough without having to worry about sides. There are no sides in a family. As parents, you must present a loving and cohesive environment for your kids. Without this foundation, the house cannot stand.