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by Jennifer Shakeel
Recently I was speaking with a family friend, whose daughter is one of the cheerleaders for my son’s football team. Her daughter is having a rough time with another little girl on the team who seems determined to make my friend’s daughters life miserable. There has yet to be one game all season long that she has not left the game crying. The little girl picks on her at school as well. I have been trying to offer ideas to my friend to help her daughter. I have even talked to her daughter.
It isn’t that her daughter is weak, or a push over… she is just a nice person. Her parents have done an excellent job on raising her and teaching her that it is better to take the high road. That just because someone is being nasty to you does not mean that you need to be nasty back to them. I completely agree with this, we have done the same with our children. Though we have also tried to instill upon them that taking the high road does not mean that you become someone’s doormat. Today I am offering several parenting tips on how you can help your child stand up for themselves.
Parenting Tip One: Return an Insult with a Compliment
Granted this is going to depend on the situation. In the case of my friend’s daughter it is just a taunting little girl and they are 11 years old. It is important to realize that the bully in this case gets satisfaction over making the “victim” feel terrible. They want to see the person they are tormenting upset, for them it is a matter of putting that person in their place which is beneath the bully. To which I advised that she look at this other little girl when she is being mean and say, “You’re the best xxxx,” with a smile and turn and walk away. Don’t give the tormentor the satisfaction of making you feel like crap, let them know that what they are saying doesn’t bother you.
Parenting Tip Two: Call the Bully Out
Sometimes taking the high road is not about not succumbing to being nasty, it is about calling the bully out for what they are doing. For the daughter of our friend, I advised that she look at her “team mate” and say, “I thought we were a team. Teammates support each other. We don’t have to like each other, but we do need to support one another.” Many times, especially with younger kids, the fact that the bully has never been called on the carpet for their behavior encourages the behavior. So when one person stands up to them and points out what they are doing is wrong it will stop the bullying.READ More on Bullying: Encouraging Children to Stand Up For Themselves
Filed under Parenting Tips by 
February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month. I will be posting several related articles here with information on empowering our daughters, teaching our sons and making sure that our kids are safe (boys get abused too).
The statistics are alarming. It is estimated that an incredible one out of every three teens experiences abuse, often at the hands of a date or “intimate.” Worse, two out of three teens will never report the abuse. As parents, it is our job to ensure our children’s safety, but what do we do when we can’t be with them? The best thing that we can do for our kids is educate them. If we teach them how to protect themselves and how to not only act in a dangerous situation but also how to detect one, we are well on our way to reducing our child’s risk of enduring dating violence.
I have a teenage daughter and I admit, I worry about her. She is the sweetest, kindest child I have ever seen. She is also incredibly innocent. It would be easy for some guy to take advantage of her.
I have endured domestic violence. I am a survivor. She knows this and I do believe that she is stronger because of it. But there are so many kids out there who are enduring teen dating violence and they feel like they have nowhere to turn.READ More on Teen Dating Violence Prevention Month
Last Tuesday, when the 7.0 magnitude earthquake occurred in Haiti on January 12, 2010, it shook the entire world. As more and more information comes in and we get a better picture of the tragedy, our children are affected as well. A disaster of that scope is very scary and your children may be afraid and even uncertain about their own safety and the safety of their family and friends.
Why Talk?
It may seem easier to ignore difficult or tragic events. You may get wrapped up in your own concerns, your own pain, fear and anger. However, your child is aware of what is happening around them and when those events turn scary, they may become concerned and afraid. Your child needs you; they need to hear from you that their feelings are normal, that their reactions are normal. It also helps for them to know that other people feel the same way that they do. It is very important that your child knows that there are people who are working to help people who are victims of disasters. It is also vital that they know those people are working to make certain that they are safe.
Gather Information
The first step in helping your child deal with a tragic event is to gather correct information from reliable, valid sources. Knowing the facts can go a long way in helping them feel at ease. Sit them down and talk to them. Try to answer their questions and find the answers to questions that you can't answer. Sites that are excellent sources of information include:
http://fema.gov
http://www.whitehouse.gov/haitiearthquake_embed (this site includes links to other agencies' sites)
http://www.fema.gov/emergency/reports/index.shtm
http://www.redcross.org/
However, don't inundate them with information. Allow your child to guide the discussion. Offer the resources and some information; then let them ask questions while you answer or you look for the answers together.READ More on The Haiti Earthquake: Talking to Your Kids and Helping Them Understand
Filed under News by
Parenting Expert Dr. Michele Borba
by Jennifer Shakeel
I have said before that one of the perks of my job is that I get to talk to some interesting and incredible people. Dr. Michele Borba is no exception to this rule. I was fortunate enough to be able to get some quality time with her while she was in Denver, Co for the day, in the midst of multiple television and radio interviews and her regular spot on the Today Show. Our time together was brief so I wanted to get straight to the point.
We were discussing her newest book, "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions." The first thing that caught my eye was that she claims this is the only book you will need to deal with any issue your child between the ages of 3 and 14 will have. My first question is always why this?
Q: What made you decide to become a child rearing expert, because that is what you are really?
A: I wouldn't say that I set out to be a child rearing expert. I have a very sincere love for children and I would say that I have been fortunate enough to have many experiences that naturally lead me to where I am today. I have worked with a lot of children and parents to help them overcome the issues that they were having combined with my own parenting issues and talents. I started writing books while I was in private practice. Those books where inspired by questions that parents I was working with had asked me how they could help their children.
Q: Why is the book dedicated to the age group 3-13?
A: I dedicated this book to that age group because that seems to be the forgotten time. There are thousands of books out about babies and there are equally as many dedicated to dealing with teenagers. There are very few that focus on the in-between years, and these are the formative years. Between the ages of 3 and 13 this is the time when children form their behaviors for life, what they consider to be right and wrong, ethics and all of their values. It is at the age of 3 that the conscience sets in, yet this is we as parents start to step back because of all the effort put into the baby time, we are parents tend to start thinking about the teenage years. This age, from 3 to 13 this when our kids are listening to us. After 13, it isn't that they don't listen… but we have to try harder the older they get.
Q: My husband says the same thing all the time. For parents that have children older than 3 but younger than 13 is it too late for them to get your book and use it now?
A: Absolutely not! While it is always better to start when they are young, it is never too late to start. You can get the book today and start using it today. I have broken the book up into sections to pinpoint what issue you need help with. You don't have to read the book cover to cover before it will help.READ More on Parenting Expert Dr. Michele Borba – A Moment in Time
Filed under Parenting by
by Patricia Hughes
Teen Spending the Afternoon with her Dad
Most parents understand that their influence is important for their children, which is why so many parents spend time reading and thinking about parenting. Most of the research and news focuses on the importance of a stable family for children, but new studies have focused on the role Dad plays in his teenage daughter's life.
A study conducted at the University of Illinois was published in Child Development journal. This study looked at the correlation between sexual activity and parent-child relationships. Researchers interviewed over 3200 teens and their parents. The questions centered on interaction with parents.
Parents were asked questions regarding their knowledge of their kids' friends and how they spent their time. The answers were scored based on how much the parents knew about their teens and friends. Researchers compared this score with the rate of sexual activity in the teens.READ More on Importance of Dad for Teen Girls
Filed under Parenting by
Will You Survive the Terrible Twos?
by Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Temper Tantrums are sure to be in the top of parents' list of "obnoxious, embarrassing kid behaviors." These are really Oscar-winning performances at their best: ear-piercing screaming, thrashing, and out-of-control behavior. And when your kid uses his routine at school, ballpark or supermarket, it's just plain humiliating. You should expect your one to three-year-old to try this behavior on you. And it's equally as common in girls as in boys. Older kids can also resort back to the "tantrum stage" especially if there's been a recent stress or change in their lives. (We can all name an adult or two who's yelled, slammed doors and broken something. Right?) But whether your kid continues using outbursts to get his way depends on how you react the first times she tries it. After all, a tantrum is a really a device kids use to get what they want because they've learned it works. Once they learn that it succeeds–translation: they get their way-they're likely to try it again (and again and again). There goes any semblance of "Home Sweet Home." The truth is there are no redeeming features to this behavior. Tantrums only cause stares and headaches, and teaches kids a bad lesson: "Throw yourself on the floor. Scream and yell. Thrash about and you'll get your way." are the steps taming those outbursts my latest book from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries,
Parenting Solutions to help Tame Temper Tantrums
BEFORE the Tantrum
Your best defense is to anticipate a tantrum's onset before your child is in full meltdown mode.
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Recognize your child's natural temperament. Some kids are just more intense and have a tougher time calming down and handling frustrations. If so, give advance warning for an upcoming event; allow transition time from one activity to another; follow an active activity with a calmer one; don't skip the naps. Avoid situations that might cause temper flare-ups.
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Recognize your kid's tantrum signs. Each child has unique stress or "I'm about to loose-it" signs (clenched fists, a certain whimper or whine, waving hands). Once you can identify your child's "tantrum is approaching signs" you're in the best place to defuse it or ward it off.
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Check your expectations. Asking your child to sit too long in a fancy restaurant, shopping cart, or car seat is just asking for trouble. Make sure your expectations for your child are in line with their capabilities.READ More on Temper Tantrums – Will You Survive the Terrible Twos?
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Teen depression, teen suicide, rebellious and ungrateful teens, parents that 'just don't get yet' or understand. We hear these words too often, these are all too common problems, and each side tends to blame the other.
The video you are about to watch should be viewed by both parents and Teens, ideally both at the same time. As a parent, the video took me aback, made me sad, made me angry, and challenged how I communicate with my own kids. It is a very 'in your face' video that challenges and provokes thought.
No matter how good a parent we think we are, we should always be looking at improving our relationship and communication with our kids. And if we are lucky parents that have a great relationship with our kids, maybe we can help those that don't.
Communication, those 'words' we use everyday are so important, those 'words' can easily be taken for granted, yet many times those 'words' can be so misunderstood between parent and child.
As parents we want our children to succeed, but yet, we can push a child away by the words we use. As a teenager, we are wanting more and more independence, but yet, we can easily become confrontational with the words we use when trying to express ourselves. Even though it may have been years since I was a teen, I still remember.READ More on Parent-Teen Communication: Start the Conversation Today!
From all of us here at More4kids, Happy 4th of July. The Fourth of July celebrates the birth of the United States of America. Founded July 4th 1776, with the signing of the Declaration of Independence, America is celebrating its 232nd birthday this year (2008).
It is a time for families and friends not only to come together and have fun, but also a time to honor our Veterans and men and women who are putting their lives in danger every day for us, and those who have made the biggest sacrifice for our freedom with their lives. Try to throw your politics aside, and let us all take a moment to think about, and be grateful to all who wear the American uniform, and to our police and firefighters who protect us day in and out. They all deserve our recognition and thanx, more than we can put in words. And don't forget the spouses and families of those in uniform. It takes very special people to be part of a military family, and our hearts, thanx, and recognition should go out to them too.
No matter whether you travel across the country to celebrate our nation’s birthday, or decide to stay at home in your own backyard, there are many different ways to make this a very special holiday.
All that is needed for a fantastic Fourth are three key ingredients:
1. A Plan
2. Preparation
3. and much, much Enthusiasm.
We’ll provide the plan to get you started!
Ready? Set?
Not lets get the ball on the road and get going!
READ More on Fourth of July Festivities for the Entire Family
Filed under Activities, Family, Holidays by
Kids love playing with toys, but what if they're playing with something dangerous? As a parent you want to make sure that you only allow your children to have toys that are safe. For this reason it is important that you keep up with the recent toy recalls, and already in 2009 there have been quite a few. Here we are going to update you with some of the newest toy recalls for 2009 and also provide you with some safety tips for toys that will help you choose only the safest toys for your children.
Tupperware Toy Maracas
Just a couple of weeks ago Tupperware did a voluntary recall on their toy maracas. There are small parts inside of the maracas and if the toy breaks, it poses a choking hazard to smaller children. The handle also may possibly be a hazard that may cause suffocation in small children as well. Both the blue and the red maracas that have yellow handles have been recalled. The company will provide you a gift certificate or refund if you simply return them to the company.
Good Neigh Bears
State Farm had some cute Good Neigh Bears that they were giving out through their State Farm agents. However, they have recently done a voluntary recall on these bears. There have been problems with the eyes coming off the bears, which can be a chocking hazard. If you received one of these bears, you'll want to get rid of them if you have smaller children. You can get more info by visiting State Farms website: www.statefarm.com.
Infantino Toys Recalled
Several toys from Infantino have been recalled on a voluntary basis. The Infantino Lil' Chef Set, the Infantino Tag Along Chime Trio, and the Activity Stacker have all been recalled. They have metallic fabric on them which has been reported to come off posing a threat to children. These toys have been sold at Wal-Mart, Babies "R" Us, Meijer, Target, and similar stores. If you have these toys, they should be taken away from your kids. You can call Infantino and they'll give you a replacement product from the company.
READ More on Toy Recalls 2009 – Important Toy Recalls You Need to Know About
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