Most states require divorcing couples who have dependent children to come up with a parenting plan. The plan lays out when the kids are with each parent and who is responsible for what. The court has to approve the plan to make sure it is in the best interest of the children. However, you don’t have to be divorced to draw up a parenting plan. Parents with more than one child will find a plan very helpful in managing their time, and in consistancy between both parents.
Discipline
Disciplining the kids can grow from dealing with a naughty baby to a full-blown marital melt-down. In your parenting plan, decide together how you will discipline the kids. And remember, having your own way is not worth the stress on the marriage. Hash it out and compromise.
Responsibilities
Decide together who has responsibility for what. Sometimes you’ll have to modify this part of the parenting plan on a day-to-day basis. Negotiate kid responsibilities, meals and chores. Don’t forget to negotiate couple time and the all-important just-for-me down time so you can take a bubble bath (uninterrupted) or watch a movie or read a book or go out with friends. If you don’t plan time for each of you and time together, it won’t happen.
Part of your parenting plan should include the word, “No.” If you do not say no to your kids, they will have you driving them somewhere or picking them up constantly. They do not need to be involved in every function and activity they want to. It’s okay to put a limit on it…but you do have to plan for it and be in agreement. That keeps them from playing you against each other. You know, going to Dad and saying, “Mom said it’s okay if it’s okay with you,” and then going to Mom and saying the same thing.
That’s part of why you need a parenting plan. Kids are smart and they are master manipulators. They are geniuses at finding and exploiting any and all cracks, loopholes and soft spots. You have to be proactive to stay ahead of them.
Secret Signals
Your parenting plan must include secret signals because they protect your sanity. You need the usual marital secret signals, like the one that says, “I can’t stand these people. Please get me out of here!” With kids though, you need a separate set of secret signals, and you’ll probably need to develop it over time. You’ll need secret looks that signal agreement or disagreement without the kids picking up on it. You’ll need a secret signal for, “Please help me out, this kid is driving me crazy” and one for, “I know what he did is hysterical but don’t you dare laugh. I’m trying to make a point, here.”
You don’t have to get a divorce to make a parenting plan. All you have to do is sit down with your spouse and talk about it. Discuss what each of you thinks “good parenting” looks like and how you’ll accomplish it. Make a parenting plan that helps your support and care for each other, and is in the best interest of your kids. After all, what could be more important than your children?
What is a parenting plan and do you have to be divorced to need one?
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No — a parenting plan isn’t just for divorce. While courts often require one when couples with children separate, any family with two parents can benefit from having one. A parenting plan lays out who is responsible for what, how you’ll handle discipline, and how you’ll manage schedules. Having it agreed on in writing (or at least clearly discussed) keeps both parents on the same page and reduces friction.
What should a co-parenting plan include beyond the basic visitation schedule?
A good parenting plan covers discipline (how and when you’ll enforce rules), responsibilities (who handles meals, school pickups, chores), and limits on how many activities kids can join. It should also include protected time for each parent to recharge — a bubble bath, a movie, or a night out with friends. If you don’t build in time for yourselves, it won’t happen, and a burnt-out parent is no good to anyone.
How does a parenting plan prevent kids from playing parents against each other?
Kids are smart — they quickly learn to ask one parent when the other has said no, or to imply permission they don’t have. A parenting plan closes those gaps. When both parents have already agreed on the major rules and decisions, there’s no crack to exploit. ‘Dad said it’s okay if you say it’s okay’ stops working when both parents are working from the same playbook.
How do two parents agree on discipline when they have different styles?
Hash it out beforehand, before you’re both tired and reactive. The article puts it plainly: having your own way is not worth the stress on the relationship. Discuss what rules matter most to each of you, where the firm lines are, and where there’s room for flexibility. Compromise won’t feel perfect, but a united front — even an imperfect one — is far more effective than two parents pulling in opposite directions.
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