I'm going to be the perfect mom…yeah, right!

by Maureen LoBue – President of the Mean Moms Club

June Cleaver - the perfect mom?When your first baby was born, did you look at that perfect little face and say, "I'm going to be the perfect mom for you"? Most of us did. But you know what? There is no such thing. Most of us realize that when we have the second baby. By the third baby, experienced moms look at that perfect little face and say, "I hope I can survive this".

Most of us truly believe we can be perfect moms and want to be with our whole hearts. Unfortunately, it is impossible. There is no such thing, unless you watched Leave it to Beaver. And we know June was really an android that Ward built in his garage.

Three points need to be made about this idea of being the perfect mom.

  • First, realize it's impossible and be ok with the fact that you are not, and never will be, the perfect mom. Take a deep breath & say it, " It's ok!"
  • Second, once you accept that, life and parenting will get much easier because you get to buy out of the guilt that we are typically so good at. That guilt just wears us down and we don't need anything else to wear us down!
  • Third, recognize the fact that this is beyond tough, beyond exhausting, beyond anything else you'll ever do. You must have a support network, whether that is family or friends or playgroups. If you are exhausted or overwhelmed you cannot be there at all for your kids, let alone part of the time.

Now, how do you become the best Imperfect mom you can be? Follow the JUNE acronym.

J – Jolt yourself out of perfection thinking with affirmations to non-perfection

U – Undo the guilt with phrases to encourage yourself

N – Network with people who can support you and use them

E – Energize yourself with realistic goals that you can meet

Jolt yourself out of perfection thinking with affirmations to non-perfection:

Say these to yourself as many times as necessary to believe them:

  • I love my kids with my whole heart and will be there for them as much as I can be
  • I will forgive myself for the days or moments that I am too tired or frustrated to "do the right thing"
  • I will recognize and allow myself to need a break
  • I will use my support network when I need that break

Undo the guilt with phrases to encourage yourself when you were not "perfect" in something you said or did. Be sure the phrases or words are natural to you. What do you tell yourself whenever you are trying to encourage yourself? It might be phrases like:

  • It's ok to be too tired today
  • I'm doing the best I can
  • Tomorrow will be a better day

When changing a way of thinking, you need to support and reinforce the change over and over until you believe it. Say the phrases or words you listed every time you feel those guilt pangs start to jab you.       

Network with people who can support you and use them. Make a list of the people who can support you when you need them. Then put this list in a handy place near the phone. Put them on speed dial in your cell phone! Include:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Play group moms

 Energize yourself with realistic goals that you can meet. Now make a list of the realistic goals you can set to be the best mom possible. They might be things such as:

  • I can go to most of the little league games, maybe 75% of them
  • I can read bedtime stories 3 times a week
  • We can all sit down together for dinner 4 days a week

 By following JUNE rather than being June, you can be a great Imperfect mom and your kids will do just fine. The bottom line is you can't function at 100% all the time. What you can do is the best you can at any given time. Moms are human too.

When my sons were growing up I didn't want to be a "Because I said so" mom. So my response when they had to follow an unpopular rule was "Because it's in the Mom's Rule Book." When they would claim that makes me a mean mom, I would say, "I am so mean, I'm President of the Mean Mom's Club!" Now the "rule book" has been written, combining my MA degree in education and child development with 25 years of professional experience in school system, hospital, and homeless shelter environments to create a common sense foundation to be a take charge parent.


by Maureen LoBue – President of the Mean Moms Club

Mean Mom Club: The Moms Rule Book can be found at www.meanmomsclub.com. It can be purchased directly from Amazon by clicking on the book below:

The Mean Moms Coaching Program, a membership program, helps to create a detailed solid plan to raise responsible, compassionate kids. Portions of this article were extracted from the program. More information about creating your own plan can be found at www.meanmomscoach.com.

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