by Joy Burgess
Are there things you may not have said recently that your child may need to hear?
We are generally aware of what we say to our teens. We try to be positive, not use negative language, try to speak clearly so that there is no question about what you are trying to communicate to them. But did you ever think about what you don't say to your teen? Are there things that you aren't saying to your teen that they want or need to hear? "What do you wish your parents would say to you?" This was the provocative question posed on the website Words are Powerful: The Love Project.
The answers ranged from simple to complex, from funny to heartbreaking, but through it all, a pattern emerged. There are some consistent things that children not only want, but need to hear from their parents. Words are powerful, but the words we don't say can be just as powerful. Just because you think it, does not mean that your child automatically knows it, or doesn't need to hear it.
Have you said these ten things to your child recently?
1) I love you
Of course you love your child, no doubt about it, but when was the last time you actually said it? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we are doing in our jobs, in our personal lives, in our relationships that we forget to say the obvious but important things. Don't take it for granted that your child knows that you love him or her. Say it. Sometimes they just need to hear the words.
2) I am proud of you
There are things about your child that make you proud. Maybe they have a gentle, giving heart or maybe they have an exceptional artistic ability. Find at least one thing in your child that you are proud of and let them know about it. When you talk about your child to others, what do you say? What elements about him or her do you mention, even brag about to others? If you find that you are only seeing the negative, then it is a good time to find something positive, something good. Then let them know about it. You might be surprised in the attitude change that a simple "I am proud of you" can bring.
3) I support you in the things you want to do in your life
Your teen is not you. They have different likes and dislikes, they have different interests. To many teens, the feeling that they are not recognized as individuals is very real - and very frustrating. Maybe they grew up in a family of lawyers, but they want to be a writer. Maybe they feel drawn to a different religion or lifestyle. Maybe they grew up in a large family with lots of kids, but have chosen to only have one or two children when they "grow up" and start a family. Whatever the differences are, there is usually at least some anxiety involved when they tell you about it. As a loving, supportive parent, just saying "I support you in the things you want to do in your life" can make all the difference. READ More on Ten Things your Teen would like to Hear you say to Them
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by Patricia Hughes
Teen Spending the Afternoon with her Dad
Most parents understand that their influence is important for their children, which is why so many parents spend time reading and thinking about parenting. Most of the research and news focuses on the importance of a stable family for children, but new studies have focused on the role Dad plays in his teenage daughter's life.
A study conducted at the University of Illinois was published in Child Development journal. This study looked at the correlation between sexual activity and parent-child relationships. Researchers interviewed over 3200 teens and their parents. The questions centered on interaction with parents.
Parents were asked questions regarding their knowledge of their kids' friends and how they spent their time. The answers were scored based on how much the parents knew about their teens and friends. Researchers compared this score with the rate of sexual activity in the teens. READ More on Importance of Dad for Teen Girls
Parenting is all about communication. We are generally aware of what we say to our teens. We try to be positive, not use negative language, try to speak clearly so that there is no question about what you are trying to communicate to them. But did you ever think about what you don't say to your teen? Are there things that you aren't saying to your teen that they want or need to hear? "What do you wish your parents would say to you?" This was the provocative question posed on a recent website I visited: Words are Powerful: The Love Project.
The answers ranged from simple to complex, from funny to heartbreaking, but through it all, a pattern emerged. There are some consistent things that children not only want, but need to hear from their parents. Words are powerful, but the words we don't say can be just as powerful. Just because you think it does not mean that your child automatically knows it or doesn't need to hear it.
Have you said these ten things to your child recently?
1) I love you!
Of course you love your child, no doubt about it, but when was the last time you actually said it? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we are doing in our jobs, in our personal lives, in our relationships that we forget to say the obvious but important things. Don't take it for granted that your child knows that you love him or her. Say it. Sometimes they just need to hear the words.
2) I am proud of you.
There are things about your child that make you proud. Maybe they have a gentle, giving heart or maybe they have an exceptional artistic ability. Find at least one thing in your child that you are proud of and let them know about it. When you talk about your child to others, what do you say? What elements about him or her do you mention, even brag about to others? If you find that you are only seeing the negative, then it is a good time to find something positive, something good. Then let them know about it. You might be surprised in the attitude change that a simple "I am proud of you" can bring.
3) I support you in the things you want to do in your life.
Your teen is not you. They have different likes and dislikes, they have different interests. To many teens, the feeling that they are not recognized as individuals is very real - and very frustrating. Maybe they grew up in a family of lawyers, but they want to be a writer. Maybe they feel drawn to a different religion or lifestyle. Maybe they grew up in a large family with lots of kids, but have chosen to only have one or two children when they "grow up" and start a family. Whatever the differences are, there is usually at least some anxiety involved when they tell you about it. As a loving, supportive parent, just saying "I support you in the things you want to do in your life" can make all the difference. READ More on Ten Things your Teen would like to Hear you say to Them
by Stephanie Partridge
No parent wants to see their teen hurt, abused or manipulated. It our basest instincts to step in and protect our children from harm. However, we can not protect our children from every single hurt and there will be times when you simply aren't around to shield your child. The best thing that you can do is actually a two prong approach. The first prong is keeping an open, honest and close relationship with your child. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything. The second prong is teaching your child how to handle harmful situations, instilling the confidence to recognize when they are being mistreated and the strength to walk away.
Destructive relationships come in many different shapes and sizes. Sometimes the destructive element is very apparent, other times it can barely be detected. The faces of the destructive relationship can be equally obscure. The polite, soft spoken, church going young man dating your daughter could be an abusive, angry tyrant behind closed doors. The sweet, pretty cheerleader that your son is dating may be horrible critical and verbally abusive when no one is around to hear. READ More on Helping your Teen Escape Abusive or Destructive Relationships
by Jennifer Shakeel
You know that your child has presented special challenges to you as they have grown. This is true of all kids, however when your child is living with ADHD those challenges can be extreme. No one said that parenting was easy… parenting a child with ADHD is not easy… and parenting a teenager with ADHD can be, well, even more challenging. We all know the lovely teen years. Our children go into the teenage phase, they turn into some unrecognizable species that have their own rules to go by. Depending on the time of the day or some other circumstance, they display their utmost warm love. Then at a flip of a coin, they do not want anything to do with you and think of you, their parents, to be morons. They want you when it is appropriate to them and hold you responsible for ruining everything, including their lives.
We know that they will grow out of it, and that even if they don't want to completely admit, they need us. What is even more important is that you know they need you, and this can be especially true if your child is living with ADHD. Our son has ADHD, was diagnosed in the 2nd grade. Up until I gave in and believed what the specialists were saying… and seeing my baby boy almost give up, and we started him on medication, I had lost count of the number of phone calls from the principal. I had a stack of notes from the teacher. Yes we even had in school and after school suspensions. It wasn't his fault, he needed help… and once he got it, he was a changed boy. READ More on Parenting Teens with ADHD
15 Low Cost or No Cost Ideas for Spending Time with your Teenager
by Stephanie Partridge
You don't have to spend a fortune to have fun with your family. You can spend quality time together without shelling out lots of money. Too many people think that they have to coordinate a big trip and they focus on saving money for it and planning it, but often that big trip never happens. If it does, the pace is usually so hectic that the family does not really get to spend the quality time together that they had intended. It doesn't have to be that way though. You can start tonight spending quality time with your teen and creating a bond that will last forever. You can start with just the money in your pocket, even if you don't have two dimes to rub together. Try some of these ideas and see if they don't make a difference in your family.
1. Play "Ten Good Things"
Cost: $0
This is a game that my youngest son came up with and it has become a favorite with our family. Each person takes a turn saying ten good things about someone else. For instance, my son may say ten good things about his sister, then she may say ten good things about me and I would say ten good things about my son. What usually happens is that everyone starts jumping in helping to make "the list" of ten good things. It is fun and often surprising when you actually hear the good qualities that others see in you. My kids have told me many things about myself that I did not even realize. Family friends come over to play this with us as well. It is just a fun, wholesome, feel-good game where everyone is a winner.
READ More on Bond with your Teen Tonight
Filed under Activities, News, Parenting, Teenagers by More4kids
by Jennifer Shakeel
This article is inspired by the fact that our oldest is almost 15 and this summer everyone seems to want her to come and stay with them… and not for a day or two… but a week or more. Most of the next month, she is only going to be home for about 5 days if I am lucky. Now mind you it doesn't bother her, she is looking forward to going. She is going to get to see old friends and new places. We are happy for her, and we want her to go. At the same time though, we want her to be home. My husband and I miss our kids when they are gone. I know that you have read enough of my writing that you know we are a very close-knit family, always together. So this is a trying time. We want her to have fun… to do that, we have had to start to learn to let go.
So I am going to offer a few ideas to all the parents out there that have a child that is ready to blossom on their own, spread their wings and fly a little… but you are struggling cutting the umbilical cord. I am there with you! Here is how I am surviving.
Parenting Tip One: Realize that You Have Done Your Job
At some point you have to acknowledge the fact that you did a pretty good job of raising a responsible young adult. Yes, I know… chores are still not always done…and there are times that you question if their brain is still asleep on the pillow… but over all they are a good kid… and they deserve the chance to show you what a great job you have done on raising them. READ More on Parenting and Learning to Let Go
Filed under Parenting, Parenting Tips by More4kids
Teen depression, teen suicide, rebellious and ungrateful teens, parents that 'just don't get yet' or understand. We hear these words too often, these are all too common problems, and each side tends to blame the other.
The video you are about to watch should be viewed by both parents and Teens, ideally both at the same time. As a parent, the video took me aback, made me sad, made me angry, and challenged how I communicate with my own kids. It is a very 'in your face' video that challenges and provokes thought.
No matter how good a parent we think we are, we should always be looking at improving our relationship and communication with our kids. And if we are lucky parents that have a great relationship with our kids, maybe we can help those that don't.
Communication, those 'words' we use everyday are so important, those 'words' can easily be taken for granted, yet many times those 'words' can be so misunderstood between parent and child.
As parents we want our children to succeed, but yet, we can push a child away by the words we use. As a teenager, we are wanting more and more independence, but yet, we can easily become confrontational with the words we use when trying to express ourselves. Even though it may have been years since I was a teen, I still remember. READ More on Parent-Teen Communication: Start the Conversation Today!
by Stephanie Partridge
At some point as a parent, regardless of how great your relationship is with your teen, you will butt heads and go through some struggles. You teen will begin trying to separate from you and become an individual. They want to be independent, in control of their own lives and make their own choices. While it may be difficult and even painful for both of you, these struggles are actually good for your teen - and for you. If you handle these struggles properly, you can actually strengthen your relationship with your teen while making both of you stronger, wiser and better decision makers. These survival tips will help.
Don't - Fall in the Parent Trap
Many parents fall into what I call the "Parent Trap." They play that parent card like they were playing a winning hand in a million dollar poker game. They over use the power (bordering on abusing it), completely controlling the situation and giving the child no leeway whatsoever. Do you want a kid who sneaks out after you go to sleep or who wears one thing out then changes into a "forbidden" ensemble in the gas station restroom after they leave your house? Well, that is exactly what you are going to get if you control every aspect of your child's life. And if you say, "MY child wouldn't do something like that" you are especially at risk. You are kidding yourself and your child probably already has done something like that. READ More on Parent and Teen Struggles: A Survival Guide
by Stephanie Partridge
An estimated twenty percent of teenagers will experience depression at some point before the reach adulthood. Twenty to forty percent of those teens will experience more than on depressive episode within a two year period and an incredible seventy percent will have more than one depressive episode before they reach adulthood. These are very sobering figures, but they should serve to put parents, teachers and others who work with young people on alert. Teen depression is a serious matter, not to be taken lightly. As our teenagers are placed under more and more pressure by a society the moves fast and lives hard, we should keep a watchful eye and be ready to intervene when things get out of hand.
We are all well acquainted with so-called "teenage angst." Television shows us the "typical" teenager (which really isn't typical at all), dressed in black, a sullen look on their face, lying around doing nothing and we told that this is normal. To some degree, this is normal teenage behavior, but we need to be cognizant of any changes in behavior or habits. Ideally, parents should maintain open lines of communication between themselves and their children, but this is sometimes easier said than done. So let's take this one step at a time, examine depression, its symptoms, it causes, preventative measures and what you, as a parent or influential person in the child's life, can do to help. READ More on Teen Depression: Is it More than "Just the Blues"?
