ʻOiai he nui nā ʻano makua, ka makua akahai, kekahi o na hana i kaulana loa, i kekahi manawa i kapaia he attachment parenting, e hooikaika ana i ke kukulu ana i ka manao paa ma waena o ka makua a me ke keiki. Hoʻoikaika kēia i ke kamaʻilio maikaʻi a me ka hoʻomaopopo. Manaʻo ka makua i kekahi manawa e like me ka roller coaster me kona mau piʻi a me lalo a makemake kēlā me kēia makua e hānai i kā lākou mau keiki ma ke ala maikaʻi loa.
ʻO ka ʻimi holoʻokoʻa e lilo i makua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o kāu keiki ma mua o kou mau mākua iā ʻoe, pono ke ahonui, hoʻomau, ka launa pū ʻana, ka lokomaikaʻi, a me ka makemake e ola i kou ola i kumu hoʻohālike no kāu mau keiki. Ma ia ala e ulu ai kāu mau keiki i nā hiʻohiʻona maikaʻi e like me ka lokomaikaʻi, ka ʻoiaʻiʻo, ka hoʻomalu iā ia iho, ke kūʻokoʻa, a me ke alakaʻi ponoʻī. No laila pehea ʻoe e koho ai i ke ʻano hana makua e hahai ai e hiki ai i laila? E hoʻonaʻauao iā ʻoe iho.
ʻO ke ʻano makua haʻahaʻa kahi ʻano makua e kālele ana i ke aloha, ka pilina, a me ka mahalo ma waena o ka makua a me ke keiki. ʻOiai he nui nā mākua i ʻike i kēia ala e maikaʻi a maikaʻi hoʻi, aia kekahi mau drawbacks e noʻonoʻo ai. Ma kēia ʻatikala, e kūkākūkā mākou i ke ʻano o ka mālama ʻana i ka makua maʻalahi, nā pono a me nā pōʻino o ka mālama ʻana i nā mākua palupalu, a me kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona pilikino aʻu e manaʻo nei e hiki iā ʻoe ke pili. ʻO koʻu manawa ma ke ʻano he stepmom, bio mom, a me ka makua hānai, e kōkua ana i ka hānai ʻana i ʻeiwa mau keiki, ua hāʻawi mai iaʻu i nā ʻike he nui e kaʻana like.
1. He aha ka makua akahai?
Table of Contents
ʻO ka makua mālie kahi ʻano makua e kālele ana i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi pilina ikaika a aloha ma waena o ka makua a me ke keiki. He ʻano kaila e hoʻokahua ana i ke aloha, ka lokomaikaʻi, a me ka mahalo. ʻO ka mālama ʻana i kāu keiki ma ke ʻano he kanaka me nā pono, makemake, a me nā manaʻo kūikawā. Paipai ia i nā mākua e hoʻolohe i kā lākou keiki, hoʻomaopopo i ko lākou mau manaʻo, a pane aku me ke aloha.
2. ʻO ke aʻo ʻana o nā mākua
Ke kuhi nei kekahi poʻe i ka makua ʻoluʻolu no ka makua "ʻae". ʻAʻole hiki ke ʻoi aku kēia mai ka ʻoiaʻiʻo a mākou i ʻike ai. He ʻāpana koʻikoʻi ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana i ka makua, a ʻaʻole ʻokoʻa ka mālama ʻana i nā mākua. ʻO ke aʻo ʻana i nā mākua e pili ana i ke aʻo ʻana i kāu keiki i ka pololei mai ka hewa, me ka ʻole o ka hoʻopaʻi kino, a i ʻole ka hoʻohilahila. E pili ana i ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana i nā palena a me nā manaʻolana a me ke kōkua ʻana i kāu keiki e hoʻomaopopo i ka hopena o kāna mau hana.
ʻO ka hoʻopaʻi makua haʻahaʻa e pili ana i ka hoʻoikaika maikaʻi, e like me ka hoʻomaikaʻi ʻana i kāu keiki no ka hana maikaʻi, a me ke kuhikuhi hou ʻana, e like me ke alakaʻi ʻana i kāu keiki i kahi hana kūpono. Aia pū kekahi i nā hopena kūlohelohe, e like me ka ʻae ʻana i kāu keiki e ʻike i nā hopena o kāna mau hana. No ka laʻana, inā hoʻolei kāu keiki i kahi mea pāʻani, ʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke pāʻani me ia no ke koena o ka lā.
3. Pono o ka makua akahai
ʻO kekahi o nā pōmaikaʻi koʻikoʻi aʻu i ʻike ai ma ka mālama ʻana i nā mākua haʻahaʻa, ʻo ia ke kōkua i ke kūkulu ʻana i kahi pilina ikaika a aloha ma waena o ka makua a me ke keiki. Ma ka hoʻokumu ʻana i ka manaʻo aloha a me ka pilina, ʻoi aku ka nui o nā mākua e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i ka mālama ʻana i nā keiki i lohe ʻia a hoʻomaopopo ʻia. He mea koʻikoʻi kēia no nā keiki, e like me kaʻu ʻike me kaʻu mau keiki hānai, ʻaʻohe kumu paʻa i ko lākou home mua. ʻO ke koʻikoʻi ma ʻaneʻi e hoʻokumu i ka mana o ka makua me nā ʻano akahai e hoʻoulu ai i kahi noho home palekana a maluhia.
ʻO ka pale ʻana i ka hōʻeha kino a me ka noʻonoʻo ʻoiai ke kūpaʻa, hoʻomau, a me ka hoʻomau ʻole e pili ana i ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana i ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana, ka manawa ʻohana, nā meaʻai, ke kula, a me nā mea i manaʻo ʻia, hiki i nā keiki ke ulu i mau kamaʻāina maikaʻi e makemake e hoʻomau i kēia mau mākau i nā ʻohana ponoʻī.
ʻO kekahi pōmaikaʻi ʻē aʻe o ka mālama ʻana i ka naʻau, ʻo ia ka hoʻoikaika ʻana i ka naʻauao. Ma ka paipai ʻana i nā keiki e hōʻike i ko lākou mau manaʻo, ke kōkua nei nā mākua e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i nā mākua palupalu i kā lākou mau keiki e hoʻomohala i nā mākau manaʻo e pono ai lākou e hoʻokele i nā pilikia o ke ola.
Hoʻoikaika ka makua maʻalahi i ka hana maikaʻi. Ma ka hoʻohana ʻana i ka hoʻoikaika maikaʻi a me nā hopena kūlohelohe, ke aʻo nei nā mākua e hoʻomaʻamaʻa i nā mākua palupalu i kā lākou mau keiki e hana i nā koho maikaʻi aʻe. Ma mua o ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana i kā lākou mau keiki no ka hana kolohe, alakaʻi lākou iā lākou i ka hana maikaʻi. Inā hoʻolei ʻia kahi mea liʻiliʻi i nā poloka ma ka pā, no ka laʻana, e hāʻawi iā ia i kahi bākeke e ʻimi ai.
4. Nā pilikia (Cons) me ka makua mālie
ʻAe makua Con
ʻOiai he nui nā pōmaikaʻi o ka makua haʻahaʻa, aia pū kekahi o nā pilikia. ʻO kekahi o nā ʻōlelo hoʻohewa nui o ka makua haʻahaʻa, ʻo ia ka hiki ke hana i ka ʻae ʻana. Hiki paha i nā mākua ke hoʻomaʻamaʻa maʻalahi i ka hoʻonohonoho ʻana i nā palena a i ʻole ka hoʻokō ʻana i nā lula, no ka hopohopo o hōʻeha i ka manaʻo o kā lākou keiki. Hiki i kēia ke alakaʻi i nā keiki maikaʻi ʻole, a paʻakikī hoʻi i ka hoʻoponopono ʻana i nā lula a me nā mea i manaʻo ʻia ma nā wahi ʻē aʻe o ke ola.
Ka manawa Kuhi
ʻO kekahi pilikia me ka mālama makua haʻahaʻa ʻo ia ka hoʻopau manawa. Pono ka makua akahai i ka manawa a me ka ikaika ma ka aoao o ka makua. E pili ana i ka hoʻolohe ʻana i kāu keiki, ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i kona mau manaʻo, a me ka pane ʻana me ke aloha. He mea paʻakikī kēia no nā mākua paʻahana. A i ʻole nā mea e pili ana i nā pilikia ʻē aʻe. ʻAʻole wau i ʻike i kekahi o mākou ʻo kā mākou "maikaʻi" ke pau mākou.
ʻŌlelo mau kaʻu mau keiki iaʻu ʻo ka laʻana maʻalahi loa i loaʻa iā lākou no kēia ke ʻike lākou i nā poʻe ʻē aʻe e "helu" i kā lākou mau keiki. “E hāʻawi wau iā ʻoe i 10 kekona e hoʻōki i kēlā ʻano… 1. 2. 3…” E nānā wale kaʻu mau keiki iaʻu a ʻakaʻaka. ʻO kā lākou ʻike inā "ʻino" lākou, a i ʻole ma kahi ʻano ʻaʻole au e ʻae aku, e kū koke lākou me ka nānā ʻana mai iaʻu a i ʻole, inā ʻaʻole lawa, ala wau a neʻe aku iā lākou, hooki ia lakou. ʻOi aku ka paʻakikī ke luhi ʻoe, akā he mea nui. Hiki iā ʻoe ke noʻonoʻo i ka hāʻawi ʻana i nā keiki i manawa hou e hana hewa a hoʻomau i ka hana pono ʻole e hana ana i kahi keiki ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi?
A e ʻoluʻolu, mai hoʻoweliweli i ke keiki me ka hoʻopaʻi ʻaʻole ʻoe makemake e hoʻokō. E noonoo mua. Hoʻohana koʻu ʻohana i ka manawa nui ma nā paka kumuhana. Lohe mākou i nā mākua e hoʻoweliweli mau ana i kā lākou mau keiki.
"E hoʻihoʻi wau iā ʻoe i ka hōkele inā ʻaʻole ʻoe e hoʻomaka i ka hana."
ʻAʻole naʻe au i ʻike i kekahi makua e hahai ana i kēlā hoʻoweliweli. ʻAʻole lākou makemake e poina i ka manawa kūpono o kēlā roller coaster a i kēlā holo. ʻAʻole lākou makemake e haʻalele i ka paka kumuhana a lākou i hoʻolilo nui ai i ke kālā e hele ai.
Nā hopena
No laila e hana ʻoluʻolu iā ʻoe iho a mai hoʻoweliweli i kahi mea āu e makemake ʻole ai e hoʻokō ma ke ʻano he hoʻopaʻi a hopena paha. E hana koke i ka hopena i hoʻomanaʻo a hoʻopili i ka ʻano makemake ʻole, e hoʻomanaʻo ʻia, akā e hoʻohālikelike me ka hewa. Inā hoʻopaʻapaʻa nā keiki, e ʻapo lākou i kekahi i kekahi. Inā ʻōlelo lākou i kekahi mea pōʻino a paʻi paha iā ʻoe, pono paha kahi pule. I ka piha ʻana o kaʻu kaikamahine (bio) i ʻehā makahiki, aia mākou ma Walt Disney World no ka manawa mua a kū i ka laina i kāna ʻōlelo ʻana i kekahi mea aʻu i mahalo ʻole ai. .
Ua luhi māua a, ʻoiaʻiʻo, pono wau e hoʻihoʻi iā mākou i ka hōkele no ka hiamoe. Akā, ua hoʻolilo au i ke kālā he nui no ka hiki ʻana i laila, a he manawa liʻiliʻi loa ko mākou ma nā paka, a ʻaʻole au makemake e poina i kekahi mea. ʻO kāna hopena, ʻo ia ka ʻōlelo ʻana he ʻumi Aloha Maria. Nānā ka poʻe akā hoʻomau wau. Ua hoʻomaka ʻo ia me ka nānā ʻana i ka huhū ma kona mau helehelena a me ka pouty, "Aloha ʻoe e Maria piha i ka lokomaikaʻi ..." i loko o kona ʻaʻahu melemele liʻiliʻi a me nā kāmaʻa kaula keʻokeʻo liʻiliʻi (hiki iaʻu ke kiʻi i kēia lā) akā ma ka waena o ka pule ʻelua, ua hoʻomaka ʻo ia. e ʻakaʻaka ana a e koli ana i kona mau lima. E lawe iā ia ma ke ʻano he hana akua inā makemake ʻoe, akā ua hoʻopakele ia i ka lā.
ʻO nā keiki me nā pilikia noʻonoʻo a me nā ʻano
ʻO kekahi pilikia me ka makua haʻahaʻa, ʻaʻole hiki ke kūpono i nā keiki me nā ʻano hana a i ʻole nā paʻakikī e like me ADHD a i ʻole nā maʻi kū'ē kū'ē, nā mea e pōmaikaʻi mai ka ʻimi ʻana i ka lāʻau lapaʻau hou. Inā manaʻo ʻoe he ʻoiaʻiʻo kēia no kāu keiki, e ʻoluʻolu e kamaʻilio me kāu pediatrician a me kekahi kauka olakino a lākou e ʻōlelo ai.
No kekahi mau mākua, ʻo ka paʻakikī me ka mālama ʻana i nā mākua haʻahaʻa ka manaʻo nui i ka loaʻa mau a me ka pane ʻana i kāu mau keiki. Inā alakaʻi kēia i kou mālama ʻole iā ʻoe iho, hiki i ka hopena ke hōʻino i ka makua a me ke keiki.
ʻO ka hope loa, ʻaʻole paha ʻo ka mālama ʻana i ka makua maʻalahi ke ala maikaʻi loa i kahi kūlana e pilikia ai ka palekana o ke keiki. Ma kēia mau kūlana, e like me kaʻu i ʻike ai, pono paha ka mālama makua ʻoi aku ka paʻa a me ka pale.
Ua hahau ʻia kaʻu keiki i ʻeono manawa i loko o kona ola, a ke hoʻomanaʻo nei au i kēlā me kēia manawa. ʻO kēlā me kēia manawa e pili ana i kona wā ʻōpiopio a hana i kahi mea e pilikia ai kona ola ponoʻī. E like me ka hele ʻana ma ke ala nui i ka wā i manaʻo ʻia e nānā ana kona kupuna wahine iā ia. Ua ʻoi aku ka maikaʻi o koʻu hahau ʻana iā Grandma. A i ʻole haʻalele ʻana i ka hale i ka 6 o koʻu mau makahiki i ka wā i hiamoe ai au a ʻae iā ia e hoʻowalewale ʻia i loko o ka hale o kahi malihini e "ʻike i kahi honu." ʻAʻohe ala ʻē aʻe i kēlā makahiki e hoʻoikaika ai i ka manaʻo e like me ka rap ʻoi ma ka puʻu. Akā, ua ʻeha maoli iaʻu e like me ka ʻeha ʻana iā ia.
5. Nā puke makua mālie
Inā makemake ʻoe e aʻo hou aʻe e pili ana i ka makua mālie, nui nā puke i loaʻa ma ke kumuhana. Hiki iā ʻoe ke nānā iā lākou ma kāu waihona, ma kahi polokalamu waihona ma kāu kelepona, a kūʻai paha iā lākou ma Amazon a i ʻole kāu hale kūʻai puke punahele. ʻO kekahi o nā puke kaulana loa:
"Nā Ana Malū i ka Hoʻokele a me ka Hoʻomaʻamaʻa ʻana i nā ʻōpio” na Jacob Abbott (loaʻa ma Libby)
"ʻO ka makua me ke aloha a me ka noʻonoʻo” na Foster Cline lāua ʻo Jim Fay
"ʻAʻohe aʻo hana keaka” na Daniel J Siegel lāua ʻo Tina Payne Bryson
"Ke keiki lolo holookoaNa Daniel J. Siegel a me Tina Payne Bryson
"ʻO ka makua akahai: maikaʻi, kūpono, aʻo maikaʻi na LR Knost
"Makua Maluhia, Hauoli na Keiki” na Laura Markham
Nā hiʻohiʻona o ka makua maʻalahi mai ko mākou home a me nā hopena
I koʻu wā he makuahine hānai ma ka mokuʻāina ʻo Wakinekona, ua holo ka pāʻoihana e ʻōlelo ana, "ʻaʻole hiki i nā mea a pau ke lilo i makua hānai, akā hiki i nā mea a pau ke kōkua i kahi keiki hānai." He ʻoiaʻiʻo kēlā. A pili i ke aʻo ʻana i kā mākou mau keiki āpau, biologic, step, foster, a hiki i kā mākou moʻopuna.
I koʻu wā e ulu ana i ka makahiki 1970, he mea maʻamau ka hoʻohana ʻana o koʻu makuahine i ka puna lāʻau e paʻi iā mākou ke hana hewa mākou. I kēia manawa, hopu ʻia nā kānaka no ka hahau ʻana i kā lākou mau keiki i ka lehulehu. Aia mau ka laina ma waena o ka hoʻopaʻi ʻana, ʻoiai ke kino, a me ka hoʻomāinoino. Akā, me ka hoʻomaʻamaʻa, hoʻomanawanui, a me ka ʻike, hiki iā mākou ke aʻo pehea e hana ai kā mākou mau keiki e like me kā mākou makemake a pono iā lākou me ka ʻole o ka hana ʻino, hilahila, a i ʻole kekahi pilikia kino a noʻonoʻo paha. ʻO ia koʻu manaʻo i ka mālama ʻana i nā mākua.
I ka wā i komo ai nā keiki hānai i ko mākou home, inā i hoʻokau koke ʻia e ka mokuʻāina, a i ʻole ka hoʻomaha ʻana no kā lākou ʻohana hānai ponoʻī, he mea koʻikoʻi ka hoʻomaopopo ʻana i nā lula. ʻO kekahi o nā mea koʻikoʻi, i kēia manawa, ʻo ia ka ʻapo ʻana i nā mea āpau. Ua aʻo mau ʻia lākou e hiki mai ana, no laila ʻaʻole ia he mea kupanaha, akā i koʻu manaʻo ʻana ua hoʻomaha ke keiki i loko o koʻu mau lima, ʻike wau ua maikaʻi a ʻike pū lākou.
Ma kahi pāʻina ʻohana, ma hope o ka wehe ʻana o ke keiki i kāna ʻeke, kūkākūkā mākou i nā mea i manaʻo ʻia. He mea maʻalahi ka mālama hānai ʻana i ka makua "ʻoluʻolu" no ka mea ua pāpā loa ʻia kekahi ʻano o ke aʻo kino.
Pehea i kōkua ai nā keiki he nui
Ua kōkua nui ka loaʻa ʻana o nā keiki ʻē aʻe ma ka home. E nānā ke keiki bonus i kaʻu keiki ponoʻī a hoʻohālike i kāna ʻano. Ua hānai ʻia ʻo ia i loko o kahi ʻohana kolohe ʻole ma mua o ka lilo ʻana o ka "mākua palupalu" i ka huaʻōlelo "ma" a kōkua i ka hoʻohālike ʻana i koʻu ʻano makua me ko mākou ʻohana hou. Ke hoʻohana nei i nā huaʻōlelo. E pale ana i ka hoohilahila. ʻO ka noho ʻana i kēia manawa a kākoʻo mau i kēlā me kēia ʻoiai ʻaʻole e ʻae i ka hana kūpono ʻole ke kī nui.
ʻO ka mea hope loa, ʻoiai ʻo ka mālama ʻana i ka makua maʻalahi he ala kūpono no nā ʻohana he nui, he mea nui e noʻonoʻo pono i kona mau hemahema a me nā palena a me ka hoʻololi ʻana i nā hoʻolālā makua e like me ka mea e pono ai no ka hoʻokō ʻana i nā pono pilikino o ka makua a me ke keiki.
ʻO Gail Clifford, MD, he kauka no nā makahiki ʻoi aku ma mua o 30 a i kēia manawa ka mea kākau lanakila, ka mea kākau huakaʻi, a me ka mea paʻi kiʻi, ua huakaʻi i ʻeono mau ʻāina a me 50 ʻAmelika Hui Pū ʻIa. He kanaka hoʻohiwahiwa, hauʻoli ʻo ia i nā huakaʻi hele me kāna kaikamahine a me ka huakaʻi hui pū me nā poʻe like like.
E nānā i kaʻu puke ma Amazon:
E ʻimi iaʻu ma Social Media:
ʻAihui Meaʻai, Waina, a me nā mea kākau huakaʻi
https://www.ifwtwa.org/?s=Gail+Clifford&bp_search=1&view=content
https://www.ifwtwa.org/our-members/gcliffordfhm/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/able_photo
Instagram: https://instagram.com/abletravelphoto
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gail.clifford.923
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTrEYib2mhItt-bpS4sf2bg
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/ABLETravelPhoto/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gail-clifford-lioness-649240b9/
Hoʻohui Comment