June 25, 2008
Top 10 Tips for Parenting a Contrary Kid
By Dr. Caron Goode
One of most frustrating stages of toddlerhood can be when a child learns to master the word “no.”
Between the ages of 15 and 30 months, a toddler begins to realize that he is a separate person from his parents; a person who has his own will and his own mind. As this realization sets in, a child begins to discover his independence and begins to practice asserting this independence to all who will listen. It’s this stage of development that is usually marked by a child singing a seemingly continuous chorus of a loud and proud “no.”
Although on the surface it may seem that the child is being defiant and difficult, a young child who is constantly saying “no” is in a monumental phase of early childhood development. When parents aren’t coached to recognize this stage for what it is, the result can be frequent power struggles between parent and child.
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Parenting and being a parent is probably the hardest job a person can have. It involves long hours, sacrifices, and constant adaptability. It is also the most rewarding job any person can have. The method of raising children changes over the years as more and more information is provided and more studies into what works and what does not are presented. There is one thing however that does not change no matter what parenting style you have chosen to use with your children and that is the battles you will have in regards to authority. 
Many parents eventually learn that their child has a medical issue, illness, or disability. This can be an emotionally overwhelming time for the family. I know, because I have been there. My oldest son was born with a minor physical deformity. The doctors referred to it as a “unilateral cleft lip”. They informed me that he would require the care and attention of many specialists throughout his childhood, and that he would need to have plastic surgery at approximately three months of age. I never thought that I would parent a child who had a condition like this, but I had always believed that regardless of what came our way with our children, I would love them none the less. Here, I will offer you my experience when it comes to parenting a child with special needs. 
Once the decision was made to start a family, John and Susan went from living in a loft and having people over all the time to living in a house in a quiet neighborhood with friends coming over significantly less often. “It was definitely a dramatic change for us,” said Susan. “It was hard to give up our two-seater convertible, but we knew it wasn’t a family car. We had hoped we could keep it and add a family car, but since we couldn’t predict our expenses after Caroline’s birth, we traded it in.” Caroline arrived in October of 2005. Even though she has a great temperament and her parents describe her as an “easy” baby, she still rocked their world.
More and more families are becoming blended families which means that parents are remarrying and children and gaining new step parents. This can also mean some rocky roads ahead. Blended families rarely mesh together easily and seamlessly, there is usually a great deal of adjustment and often a lot of conflict. Step children may be resentful to the new parent, feeling that the step parent wants to take the biological parent’s place. Children can become surly, depressed and combative. They may act out at home or at school causing their parents a great deal of stress and worry. This is normal, but that knowledge does not make the transition any easier. These tips, however, might.
remember being touched by death. I don’t remember any classmates dieing or any of their parents dieing. Was I oblivious or were we just lucky? I guess I’ll never know the answer to that question. But I can walk through the halls of my children’s schools and see children from five different families whose fathers have died during their school years. When I take my daughter to cheerleading practice, we see a little girl whose mother recently died. And when we go to church, we see two girls whose father died a few years ago, and we see a mom whose ten-year-old son died last November. 
We all want a happy family. The truth of the matter is that none of us are perfect parents. Life happens. We are all only human and therefore we are bound to make mistakes. I don’t believe that any mistake that we make bothers us more, causes us to lose more sleep then a mistake we make with our children. It is important to realize and understand that making a mistake or two doesn’t make you a bad parent. We all parent with our best intentions trying to keep in the forefront of our minds what is in the best interest of our children, sometimes we slip up. 
by Pam Smith
If you are considering getting involved as a foster parent, you are to be commended. It takes courage and caring to get involved in foster parenting; however, before you get involved, you need to be sure that you have explored every aspect of this big step in your life. There are both pros and cons to foster parenting, and while the pros usually outweigh the cons, it is best to take a close look at both sides before you commit yourself. 
Whether we can cook or not, the above recipe will prepare us to empower our children to look for the best within themselves; to experience their self-worth; to envision their future; to never have to say ‘if only’. Even if we aren’t equipped with all the ingredients all the time, they have an eternal shelf life we can tap into as needed. It’s up to us to keep our pantry well stocked.
A young mom was talking with her 8-year-old daughter about her day at school when the daughter revealed she had a boyfriend. Mom, in her infinite wisdom said, “You are really too young to have a boyfriend. You should have lots of boys as friends at your age.” The little girl sighed and said, “I know, but when I am 14, I will be old enough to date.” Somewhat surprised by the comment, the mother asked her daughter what you do on a date. With no hesitation, the daughter said, “You have sex.” With all kinds of thoughts reeling through her head, the mother asked, “Where did you hear that?” The little girl told her mother she had heard it at school from her friends who heard it from their older siblings.
Teens are complex creatures with a lot different things going on inside them. While you feel that, as an adult, you carry all of the stress, you can be assured that teens face a good deal of stress as well. Kids aren’t the way that they were when we parents were their age. Times have changed and the kids of today face a lot more pressures and a lot more scary things than their parents did. With that being said, it is easy for a teen to stray from what he or she has been taught and fall in with the wrong crowd or go down the wrong path. However, knowing how to talk to your teen can make all the difference. These five tips will help you open the lines of communication with your teen and keep them on the right path. 
Raising children to cope with peer pressure begins very early in life. More than anything, children who are able to stand up to negative peer pressure are resilient individuals with well defined beliefs and values. Children such as this are not simply the result of good parenting strategies, they are the product of strong families with good communication and clearly visible values. Children become what they see more than what they hear. So as parents we need to make sure the message we are giving our children is consistent with our own lives. 
Children go through various stages and each presents its own set of challenges. Tweeners, though, are a stage that will cause many parents, teachers and adults in general, no matter how streetwise or tough, to flinch. That stage between the ages of about 10 and 14 (middle school age) can cause parents to question their sanity at times. Many a parent of tweeners knows well the mantra, "13 only lasts a year." But in the next breath the child that was pushing all their parent’s buttons turns into a sweet, loving angel. Parenting is stressful, regardless of the child’s age, but once you understand your tweener you may find that parenting your tweener is easier and can even be fun. 
I have yet to find another job in the world that is more challenging then that or parenting. You are constantly faced with the questions of whether or not you are doing a good job as a parent, teaching your child the difference between right and wrong in hopes that they grow up to be productive, respectful people. This is compounded when you are raising a child that has ADHD. 
