Eight Sleeping Solutions to Help Tired Tots and Their Parents Get Some Rest

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT

www.TheGoToMom.TV

If you have a young child at home, chances are good that you aren’t getting quite as much sleep as you used to. But what if your little one is missing out on much needed Z’s? Lack of sleep can lead to bad behavior and what you can do to help create better nights for the both of you!

As most parents of small children know, it’s the Holy Grail. Having a child who sleep well means having a child who is more likely to be even-tempered, easier to please, and more compliant. And a mom and dad who are rested, refreshed, and ready to face the day with their energetic bundle of joy. But let her skip naptime one time and your typically happy-go-lucky toddler can quickly turn into a tantrum-throwing, argumentative, meltdown prone monster. There’s a good reason and there are solutions out there to help lull your little one into better naps and nighttimes.

In my new book, The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children I discuss how we can better equip ourselves for the most challenging parenting moments; i.e. getting a child to sleep! Children who nap and sleep well at night have fewer behavior problems. Overly tired children can’t appropriately balance their physical and emotional world, causing them to act out and behave badly.

Children and parents both need good rest to make sure they are presenting their best self during the course of a day. Lack of sleep lead to shorter tempers on both parts, so making sure you catch enough Z’s at night can mean having kids who behave better and parents who, well, parent with more patience. So what do you if your child shuns sleep? There are eight easy things that every parent can do to get back to good nights (and days) in no time:

Figure out how much sleep your child should be getting. The amount of sleep your child needs each day varies depending on their age. Blaine says that the following guide will help you to determine whether or not your tot is getting enough shut-eye:

One year old: 13 hours

Two years old: 12–15 hours (includes nap)

Three years old: 11–14 hours (includes nap)

Four years old: 10–13 hours (includes nap)

Five years old: 10–12.5 hours (no nap)

If your child acts out, throws tantrums, or had a tendency to meltdown in the early evening hours, then there’s a good chance she isn’t getting enough sleep. If she is under the age of four years old, make sure that she takes a daytime nap on a regular schedule.

Stick to the schedule. Set a regular time for naps and bedtime and stick to it. By keeping it consistent, your little one will know what to expect and their little bodies will begin to adjust to the circadian rhythm of the sleep schedule you set. It will make naptimes and bedtimes much easier for the both of you.

Keeping a strict sleep schedule is vital to getting more rest for both you and your child. Plan your errands and day trips around naptime, and make sure that you stick to your night time schedule even on vacation. If your child knows that he can expect to sleep at the same time every day- no matter where you are or what you are doing, it will create the sleep habits you want most.

Insist on “rest time” every afternoon. Some children are great nappers. They go down with ease at the same time every day and take a regular nap up until the age of five. And then there are the rest of us. Some children can give up their afternoon naps as early as age three- but that doesn’t mean that they don’t still need to take a time-out to rest. Spend thirty minutes laying quietly with your child to encourage her to sleep. If she simply doesn’t sleep after you’ve tried to rest with her for thirty minutes, get out one of her books and continue the “rest time”.

Its important to ensure that your child has at least a quiet time each day says. Do whatever you have to do to keep her quiet and calm. Dim the lights, get into bed, and read soothing stories. It will be a time to rest and recharge for the both of you.

Keep after dinner playtime to a minimum. Too much activity close to bedtime can keep children from being able to fall asleep. It’s okay to let them play before bedtime, but Blaine says to make sure any activities they participate in are of the calm and quiet variety. Puzzles, books, or blocks are all great options for letting them relax and ready themselves for sleep.

If a child is running around outside then his energy level will remain elevated and it will take longer for him to calm himself down when its time to go to bed- making bedtime a struggle for you both. Try sitting down and read a story, or pulling up to the kitchen table with a coloring book and talk about your day together.

Make a night ritual of the bedtime routine. Having a bedtime routine is a great way for both you and your child to unwind each day. It is also a great cue for them to know that bedtime is coming so they know what to expect. Keeping the same routine also helps to maintain consistency when you are not at home. This way, whether you are on vacation, spending the night at Grandma’s, or leaving your little one with a sitter for the night, their bedtime routine doesn’t change.

It’s never too early to start a bedtime routine. From the time a baby comes home from the hospital, set a relaxing routine that sets the tone for sleep. For example, every night could consist of bath time, pajamas, and story time before turning out the lights. You can repeat a portion of this routine during the daytime for naps. Your child will know that it is time to go to sleep- and it will be quiet time that you can enjoy together.

Keep the temperature just right. Small children have a harder time regulating their own body temperature and, babies especially, can have difficulty falling and staying asleep if they are too hot or too cold. Make sure that the temperature in their bedroom is comfortable- not too warm or too cold- and that they are dressed appropriately for the temperature inside the house.

Parents don’t often realize that the temperature of the room is keeping their kids from getting good sleep — And if they are in a bedroom that is a little cooler or warmer than the rest of the house, adjust their sleepwear accordingly. If your AC is on high in the middle of the summer, it’s okay to put your little one in warm pajamas to keep him cozy through the night!

Set the sleeping mood. When children are trying to sleep, even the tiniest distraction can keep them from getting the shut-eye they need. Any extra noise, light, or small discomfort can deter them from drifting off to dreamland. Invest in room darkening shades, a white noise machine, soft blankets- anything to make their sleep time more inviting.

Make sure that your child’s sleep environment is snug, cozy, and dark. If necessary, use a white-noise machine and a nightlight and always keep the noise level low. For daytime naps and summer days where the light hangs around long past bedtime, make sure that you have a way to block light from entering your child’s room.

The most important thing is that parents manage their expectations. When it comes down to it, you can’t force kids to sleep. All you can do is set them up for success, make sure they get some sort of rest during the day, and the rest will come. And remember that you are not alone. There are plenty of parents out there- including myself- who struggle to get their kids to sleep. Have patience, stick with it and you’ll both be having good nights and great days before you know it.

About the Author:

Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT, is the executive producer of the online parenting show www.TheGoToMom.TV and author of The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children and The Internet Mommy.

Kimberley is a national child development expert and a licensed family and child therapist specializing in working with children newborn to six years old.

About the Book:

The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-470-58497-2, $16.95, www.TheGoToMom.com) is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.

Now Available at the More4kids Parenting Store:

How many of us are famliar with the cartoon show "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends"? It is a lovable show that shows what happens to our childrens imaginary friends after they have grown out of them. For many kids, imaginary friends are a part of growing up. My sons imaginary friend is Chocolate the Dinosaur. Are you concerned that this may be unhealthy? I was at first. Many parents tend to worry a bit about their child when one day they come to us and talk about their “imaginary friend”.

This is very common in all children and tends to happen between the ages of three and five. Unfortunately, many parents do not understand why their child is creating somebody imaginary and they end up feeling frustrated at their child, or feel they have bad parenting skills. Usually this is not the case and can be very healthy, a sign of a good imagination and help you as a parent understand what your child is feeling.  

As a loving parent you have taken a step in the right direction by reading this article. Why? Because you are going to feel good knowing that it is perfectly safe for your child to have created an imaginary friend, or perhaps more than one of these fake companions.

In fact, these imaginary friends can be an important part of growing up. You may not remember having one yourself when you were a child, but I can almost guarantee that you had one. Having imaginary friends is also a very creative function of a child and a good indication your child has a healthy imagination.

You must understand that it is very hard for a youth to explain themselves or communicate well in words with adults. This “friend” then becomes almost like a gateway of communication between you and your child. It will help your young one deal with emotions and problems that he might otherwise not be able to handle.

A perfect example of this is when he is feeling lonely, bored, or in need of attention when you are not around. These emotions can make anyone feel very upset, especially a child under the age of five. So this imaginary friend might help him deal with a new school he has to transfer to, or adjust to a new home where there are not many friends, or perhaps if a new baby comes into the house and is getting all of the attention now.

Children have miraculous ways of dealing with life's issues and confusions, especially when they create this fake person that helps them get through it. Let's take fear for example. Children may create an imaginary animal, such as a dog, to help him overcome the fear of real dogs because he would like to have one himself.

Also, when children feel unaccepted or over-controlled by his parents, then he may invent an imaginary person who he pretends treats him as the way he wished Mommy and Daddy treated him. It sounds sad I know, but the minds of our kids are so young, so pure, and so fresh.

Children are not like us. They have not experienced all of these uneasy feelings in life and learned to deal with them. So from now on you should embrace this imaginary friend and find out more about him by asking questions. You just may learn a lot more about your child than you thought you could.

By Dr. Caron Goode

One of most frustrating stages of toddlerhood can be when a child learns to master the word “no.”

Between the ages of 15 and 30 months, a toddler begins to realize that he is a separate person from his parents; a person who has his own will and his own mind. As this realization sets in, a child begins to discover his independence and begins to practice asserting this independence to all who will listen. It’s this stage of development that is usually marked by a child singing a seemingly continuous chorus of a loud and proud “no.”

Although on the surface it may seem that the child is being defiant and difficult, a young child who is constantly saying “no” is in a monumental phase of early childhood development. When parents aren’t coached to recognize this stage for what it is, the result can be frequent power struggles between parent and child.

While it’s important for a child to understand that the parent is the person of authority, it’s also important to let a child engage in self discovery by allowing him to assert his feelings and to learn that it can be okay to say no. At this stage of development, when vocabulary is limited, a toddler often doesn’t have other expressions to show his displeasure, so inevitably “no” becomes his simple favorite.

Coaching parents through this natural and important stage of development can help them deal with the frustrations that can come when regardless of what they ask their child, the response that they get is an unmistakable “no.”

So how can parents navigate this important developmental stage? Here are 10 techniques for coaching kids through the contrary stage:

1. Give the child two choices that you can live with. This is a time when the child is learning to make choices and you can help by giving him limited choices that won’t overwhelm him. Instead of asking the child if they want cereal for breakfast, ask if they want Cheerios or Rice Crispies.
    
2. Offer the child choices, but if he doesn’t make a choice, let him know that you will make the choice for him. Instead of asking the child to get dressed, ask if he wants to put on his shirt or pants first. If he doesn’t choose, choose for him and help him get dressed. This provides an opportunity for self discovery balanced with parental authority. Your goal is to convey the message that the choice you make is yours, but making a choice is not optional.
    
3. Set limits. Toddlerhood can be a time of testing. Kids will push the boundaries and say no as long as they are allowed to.
    
4. Limit your use of no. Look for alternative ways that convey no. This will help to build your child’s vocabulary and can squelch the theory that children say what they hear. Instead of saying “No hitting” opt for alternatives like “We don’t hit” or “Hands aren’t for hitting.”
    
5. Pick your battles. It’s a good thing when a child feels that it is safe to say no, so when it’s reasonably acceptable, allow his no to stand. Perhaps he doesn’t want a midday snack. Don’t fight about it. Let him learn about making choices and living with the consequences of his choices.
    
6. Don’t laugh when a child says no. As cute as it may be the first time, resist the urge to laugh. It only reinforces the behavior.
    
7. Avoid giving the child the opportunity to say no. If you need your child to get his shoes, suggest a race to the door. Sometimes it just takes a bit of creative thought to get your child to cooperate. Offering limited choices also takes away the opportunity to say no.
    
8. Use diversion. Having a childproofed house and anticipating any opportunities where your child may say no can go a long way in limiting the amount of “no’s” that you hear from your child. You won’t have to tell him “Put the vase down” if it’s not on the table.
    
9. Use distraction. Children under 2 can be easily distracted. If they are playing with an item that you want them to give up, offer an alternative. If you’re trying to get an uncooperative kid out of the house, give him something to investigate outside so he’ll come along.
    
10. Keep a positive attitude. Remember this phase is temporary. Look at this stage as an intense time of development and help your child maximize his learning experience.
     

While it can be frustrating for parents who are dealing with a child in the “no” phase, when parents are educated and coached through this stage of development, frustrations can be limited and parents can help their children continue to develop healthy, whole and developmentally on track.

Biography: Caron Goode's (EdD) insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and health and wellness. She is the author of ten books (www.inspiredparenting.net) and the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents,(www.acpi.biz) a training program for parents & professionals who wish to mentor other parents. 

Teaching your preschooler to dress himself can be extremely frustrating. However, it doesn’t have to be. Children between the ages of 4 and 5 years old can quickly learn how to dress themselves without too much frustration. There are some simple steps that should be followed so that your preschooler can effectively learn to dress themselves.

Generally mornings can be a time that is very chaotic and rushed. Most times, it is much easier to simply dress your preschooler, rather than allowing them the extra time to dress themselves. However, by learning to dress and undress them, they are not only learning independence, they are also working on improving their logical thinking and motor skills.

If you are at the point where you want to allow your child to learn to dress himself, you may want to allow for extra time. Therefore, if your mornings are generally a chaotic time, consider getting up a bit earlier. This will give both you and your preschooler that extra time needed, to allow him to dress himself, without the feeling of being rushed. It is important that you are there to assist your little one with getting dressed, without taking over and doing it for him.
When your little one is learning to dress himself, it is important that you keep in mind that it doesn’t matter what order he does it in. If he wants to put his pants on before he puts his socks on, it is ok.
In order for your child to master the skills involved in dressing himself, he will need the encouragement and opportunity to practice by himself. The more you allow him to dress himself and practice this skill, the better he will become.

Whether your little one is enthusiastic to take charge or simply uninterested, there are a variety of things you can do to make things simpler. Begin by purchasing simple clothing. Clothes such as overalls and pants with snaps, zippers and buttons can be set aside for special occasions. Pants with elastic waistbands and loose T-shirts are the best way to go in the beginning. If you have a daughter, consider purchasing slip on dresses with larger armholes or skirts with elastic waistbands. When purchasing socks, consider purchasing ones with fitted heels, this way, your child won’t have to try and figure out which way the sock goes on.

When your child is first learning to dress by themselves, consider purchasing clothes that are a size bigger. This is especially true if your little one is between sizes. You may want to let your little one practice with your socks, in order to get the hang of it. The larger the clothes, the easier it is for kids to get them on and off without assistance.
In order to lessen the stress of dressing routine, let your little one pick out what they want to wear. Preschoolers begin developing their own taste and personality and therefore will enjoy picking out their own clothes. Although your preschooler may come up with some extremely crazy combinations, he will quickly learn to associate the fun of picking out his own clothes with the pure satisfaction of putting them on.

One way of helping your preschooler pick out his own clothes, without it getting out of hand is to lay out two coordinating outfits. This way, he can mix and match between the different pieces, yet still feel like he made the final decision in what he chose to wear. Young children are often drawn to brightly colored clothes. This is generally acceptable, as long as the colors coordinate with one other. Therefore, pick outfits out that are easily interchangeable so that your preschooler will have an easier time attempting to match their clothes, while still displaying their own fashion sense.

Another struggling point for many preschoolers is learning to tie their own shoes. If possible, avoid the shoes with Velcro, so that your little one will learn how to tie his own shoes. This can be a very frustrating process for both parent and child. Therefore, be willing to try this in small steps. Do not overwhelm yourself or your preschooler.
There are a few tricks that will help your little one to learn to tie their shoes a lot easier. One of the most common tricks for teaching a preschooler to tie his shoes is the bunny ears method. Demonstrate to your child how to make the laces resemble “bunny ears”. Next, he will need to try and secure a knot through the bunny’s head. Make an X by crossing the bunny’s ears over. Then, pull one ear through the underside of the X and pull tightly. This example will help your child learn to ties his shoes on his own.

Another method is to pick up a book at your local library or book store on learning to tie shoes. There are books that have a shoe with laces so that your preschooler can practice learning to tie. The more he practices, the better and more efficient he will become. There are also some toys that can come with shoe strings so that your little one can learn to tie.

One of the most important things you need to remember when teaching your preschooler to dress himself and tie his own shoes is patience. Your little one will get the hang of this in his own time. Don’t push him into doing it your time. Before you know it, your child will be dressing himself without any assistance.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © 2008 All Rights Reserved

The choice to hire a babysitter is no longer an easy one for parents. It is no longer appropriate to simply trust just anyone with your children. It is essential that you hire an individual that can allow you the comfort of knowing that your child is being properly cared for, and one that your child will be content with. Here, you will learn about the best methods to utilize when seeking care for your child. You will also learn how to compose an effective checklist for the individual that you will eventual hire to sit with your child.

The first step to hiring an appropriate sitter is the ability to trust the individual that you select. There are numerous things that could happen while you are away, and having an individual sit with your children that is trustworthy can allow you a certain level of confidence when you are unable to be with your child. Trust can generally be established by checking references. It is imperative that you obtain a list of personal and professional references of the individual that you are considering hiring to care for your child.

There are numerous places that you can look for individuals who can fill your babysitting needs. Looking to places in the community is a great start. There are many individuals that attend church, have children that go to school with your children, in your neighborhood, and at your job that may make great babysitters for your child and/or children. You may even be able to discover youth group members, teachers, and other childcare providers to sit with your children while you are away from the home.

Once you have decided on a few individuals that you are interested in as far as your babysitting needs are concerned, you should interview each of them. You should seek out individuals that have previous experience in caring for children. You should also look for important skills, like being first aid certified and childcare training. It is also extremely important to ensure that the babysitter that you select has reliable transportation and does not have bad habits that may interfere with the proper care of your child.

Many individuals who seek babysitters for their child will require a background check. If you are able to find an affordable background check service, this is highly recommended. It is important to ensure that the potential babysitter does not have any type of violent, drug, or sex related type crime on their record. It is ideal to select only individuals that have a clean background check. This way, you can have a higher level of trust and confidence in the individual that will be caring for your child when you are not present.

Once you have elected an individual for your child care needs, it is important to ensure that you provide a detailed checklist for the babysitter. The following information should be placed on the babysitter checklist:

• Your full name, address, and telephone number. You should also include the full name, and birth date of the child and/or children that the babysitter will be caring for. 
• If you have an emergency contact telephone number, such as a cell phone or a work number, this should also be included. 
• All emergency numbers, even 911, should be written down. Sometimes, in an emergency, even the simple “911” number can be difficult to recall. 
• You should include details about your child such as bedtimes, medication, allergies, permissible foods and beverages, and similar information. 
• Be certain to create a note that gives the babysitter permission to authorize any type of emergency and/or medical care that may become necessary while they are caring for the child. 
• Detail where the first aid kit and medication is in the home. 
• Provide a detailed list of any rules and/or restrictions.

By following the information contained here, hiring a babysitter can be an easy process for you and your family.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © 2007 All Rights Reserved

Sharing is Caring – Teaching our children to share can be one of the most challenging things to teach, and perhaps one of the most important things we can teach out kids. Younger children tend to think everything is theirs. One way to help teach sharing is to start donating to children’s charities. As the holiday season fast approaches, Thanksgiving and Christmas are opportune times to teach our children about sharing and caring for others who are not as fortunate. They can also learn that they can donate more than just money. It is also a good idea to donate new or gently used things, like toys, clothes books, or time.

In addition to teaching children to share, it helps them learn the value and satisfaction that comes with helping others. Decide as a family how often to go through things and pass on nice things that the family no longer needs. The items should be in good shape.

Make it a scheduled family event. Once a month or every couple months, go through things and decide what might make a nice thing to pass on to a charity. Let the kids have a say in what they want to donate. Another idea is to just have a box labeled for donations available all the time to add things to as you come across them. When the box is full you can take it to the charity. You can even arrange for it to be picked up, as many charities have scheduled times they drive through different neighborhoods to collect contributions.

If you have the opportunity to give to a Toys for Tots, sit down and explain to your son or daughter there are many kids that are not going to be getting toys or Christmas presents this year. Get your child involved, have them help go to the toy store to pick out a gift, have them help wrap it if they can, and finally have them go with you when you donate it. Kids learn by example and as parents they look up to us.

Donating time is also a great way to help. Maybe the charity needs help at a fundraiser or providing things for bake sales. If everyone donates a little time, more things can get done. Many children’s charities are connected to children who are suffering with some sort of illness and may have to spend a lot of time in hospitals. Taking the time to make their stay nicer can be a great way to help a children’s charity. One way to really help is by visiting and decorating the children’s areas in bright, cheerful designs, so it seems less like a hospital.

There are many charities out there, but it is important to research before you donate. Unfortunately, there are people out there who will take advantage of generous people. If you stick with the more well known charities, such as The Make-a-Wish Foundation, Toys for Tots, Ronald McDonald House, UNICEF, or St. Judes just to name a few, you’ll be certain your helping a truly worthy cause.

There are also local children’s charities and programs that are just as respected. If you need ideas, talk to your local children’s hospital. They can probably give you a list of possible organizations that are always looking for donations or volunteers. Some hospitals even have book or toy collections right inside the building where you can drop off your donations. Check with the local religious community, as they may have ties to special children’s charities as well.

Helping others is a great way to give back a little of what we’ve been given. It helps us to keep perspective on what is most important in life. More importantly, it helps others have a better life and helps teach your child at an early age the value of helping out others who are less fortunate.

Halloween is a little over a month away. Autumn is a fun season for little ones, because it means going on hayrides, painting pumpkins, and of course dressing up for Halloween. It is especially fun for small girls to dress up for Halloween, especially because there are many costume ideas to choose from.

Toddler Girls Love to Have Their Face Painted

Moms, do you remember back when you went to a fair or a theme park. Chances are, you liked getting your face painted, and little girls are the same way. There are many wonderful face painting kits that you can choose from either in the children’s section of your local book store, a costume shop, or online.

These kits come with instructions as to how you can paint your daughters face just as good as the professionals. You can do something as basic as a cheek design, or you can paint the child’s entire face. Thus, have your little girl choose the design she likes best, and start painting!

Toddler Girls Love to Play Dress Up

When it comes to Halloween costume ideas for girls, you have several options as to how extreme you would like to go. You can take the simple route, by tying some festive ribbons in her hair and having her wear something in autumn colors. Or, you can take more of a decorative route by dressing her up in full costume.

A full costume idea you can choose for your daughter is to dress her in the manner of a Disney princess. Three of the most popular Disney princesses are Cinderella, Snow White, and Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Each of the Disney princess costumes can be nicely accessorized. For the Cinderella costume, get a pair of long white gloves and a tiara. For Snow White, get a little basket that can double as a trick-or-treating bag. For Belle, have your daughter wear a pretty locket and curl her hair.

If you are skillful in sewing, you can make a princess dress for your child. If you choose this option, save it as a keepsake from one of your child’s early Halloweens. Of course, if you cannot sew, you can just as easily purchase a nice princess dress from a local costume store.

As toddler girls move from infancy to being a toddler, and beyond, they begin to want to start playing dress up, which is perhaps the most favored form of playing throughout a young girl’s life. Halloween is all about dressing up, so no doubt your toddler girl will delight in the opportunity, and picking out or making the perfect costome with Mommy will make it extra special and fun.

Having to leave your child on a business trip can be rough on your child and yourself. Newborns can be fussy customers with strong preferences regarding formula, pacifiers, swaddling, sleep and other daily fundamentals. Rarely, however, does a newborn give much thought as to who is holding him. Sure, he or she feels safe and warm with mom or dad, but chances are that they are perfectly content to curl up in Aunt Maddie’s arms.

• Don’t make a fuss when you leave. If you cry and linger, they feed off your emotions. If mommy’s upset and scared, why shouldn’t he be? Don’t sneak out, but give a quick goodbye and walk out while his caregiver engages him with toys.
• Try playing peek-a-boo. Hide behind a doorway for increasing lengths of time, then pop back out with a big hello. These games will help them understand that when you leave their sight you’re not gone forever.
• Introduce a transitional object such as a blanket or stuffed animal (make sure there are no choking hazards). Your child may not immediately become attached to the object, but keep trying. Offer it any time he’s upset. Hold it when you’re holding him. Leave it in his crib (for safety reasons, keep the object fairly small for a young baby). Eventually it will become a familiar object to comfort him in your absence.
• For slightly older children, read my recent article Oh noooo, Daddy Forgot His Socks on some things I did on my most recent trip to help my 5 year old feel a bit more comfortable with my leaving. One thing to bear in mind, that while you are gone you should try to keep the connection with your child and call to say 'good night' and reassure them that you will be back soon.

One key to parenting is understanding. A toddler is a wonderful and fun little being. One of my kids just went through that phase and another one is just entering it. What joy they can be. They entertain, frustrate, and exasperate but you cannot help loving them! Their expressive faces, their busy hands, and the sound of their feet running can bring joy to a parent’s heart. The problem appears when it is time to discipline them. There are several reasons why toddlers can be so challenging. It is hard to control a natural curiosity for the world around them. In fact, as long as they are not hurting themselves or others such curiosity should be encouraged. Once they start walking and able to get to the wonderful objects they could only look at, the problems begin. They want to explore and handle the items formerly out of reach. The two top reasons it is hard to discipline and manage a toddler is; they are finally able to move around freely on their own, and they are learning to control their hands and learning motor skills.

A toddler soon finds out they have vocal cords and are trying to make them work. There verbal skills are improving but not yet at full power. It is hard to understand what they are trying to say and it can be frustrating for both parent and child. This new skill can be a blessing because now your child can tell you what they need or what hurts. It can also be frustrating trying to figure out what your child means when he says “anhaf.” How are you to know that they have applied that term to every substance that is put on another substance? For instance, ketchup, salt, and perfume! That is what happened to one mother and until she figured that out she had many frustrating moments with her toddler.

Toddlers also want to try making different noises to see how they sound to them and for the reactions of the adults around them. They try out different noises and watch for reactions from parents and grandparents, then repeat the sounds repeatedly if they get the reaction that pleases them. It can be frustrating before your child can talk, but it can be frustrating when they do talk. Wait for the first time your child gives you a “no” response!

Young children at this age are learning to be independent and have a mind of their own. They are learning to think even though their thinking is not always logical at that age. A one-year old will impulsively go right into an activity without much thinking. A two-year-old will look around and study the environment before starting the activity. Sometimes the toddler has the need to carry out a task but does not yet have the motor skills to accomplish it. That does not always stop them from trying to do it and it can be frustrating and exasperating to a parent. Giving the child an explanation why they can’t do the action often is not enough. They will have to be shown or allow them to make their attempts and suffer the results. This can be a trying time for a parent.

When toddlers are around two they become their own little person. You can often place a name on their temperament. They often are found to be bubbly, a daredevil, determined, and stubborn! Each toddler is different and will react to situations in different ways. Some may be timid and will welcome a rescue from an unsafe position. You also may have a child that will be determined to climb to the top of any counter to get to the cookie jar. The trick for parents is to allow them the freedom to learn, but keep them from getting hurt. This is a fine line and difficult to discover.

If this is the first time your child is off to a day care or preschool it can be a nervious time not only for the child, but the part as well.  This is a time when both you and your child will face the issues of separation and independence. These are very normal feelings, but it is also a very important stage in your childs development.  A child that is at the age of four or five years old will probably go off without much difficulty, but many children under the age of three have a very hard time with leaving their parents. Here are some ways to help make the transition a little easier.

The best way to help your child begin the transition is to begin talking with her ahead of time about what is to happen.  You must also patiently reassure them.  Begin preparing your child three or more weeks before the date that the preschool program or daycare center is to start.  Be sure to take her with you on little trips to the facility and show her all of the other kids and the toys that she will be able to play with.  Always be reminding her of your visits every day by asking her to remember how “fun” it all looked.

If your child is under the age of two, then it will be difficult to fully prepare her for what is ahead with her daycare time because of the lack of understanding your child will have at such a young age.  Although she will not understand much of what you tell her, you can still describe whatever you think will interest her.  But even though you may do your best in describing to your young two-year-old child what is to come, she will invariably have to experience the new program and the separation that goes along with it, first hand. 

When that first day of school comes you will have to explain to her that you will have to leave her with the rest of the children once you get there.  You may say something like “Amber, after we get to the classroom I am going to sit with you for a little while, but then I will have to leave and come right back after lunch time, ok?”  Tell her what time you will be coming back and what the driving arrangements will be in case you are in a position where you are having somebody else pick up your child from school, perhaps another family member or a neighbor.

Be as patient as you possibly can during the first few days that you have to say “good-bye” to your child.  Many children have such a difficult time that it may take up to thirty minutes and at least a dozen “bye-byes” until you are able to leave.  And until she gets used to your leaving, each day will be just as traumatic as the last, for at least a week or so.  This is where your practice of patience must come in.  Do not threaten your child when she bursts out in tears and do not say anything like “Stop crying and be a big girl” or “Only bad girls cry, please stop it”.  Your child needs support instead of pressure.

It makes common sense, but optimistic people enjoy better health, a longer life, and have less stress than a pessimistic person. An optimistic person will also achieve more in their life than a pessimist. You can subtly influence your child toward optimism. Optimism and healthy self-esteem can be taught and will help your child throughout their life.

How do you raise an optimistic child? There are several important ways to help your child learn to be an optimist. Help them to focus on their successes. Self-esteem and optimism can be learned and you can help your child while they are young. Give them simple jobs to do and praise them when they succeed. Even small children can help with simple chores and experience success when they are finished.

When your child experiences a success, focus on praising the traits that helped them to succeed. Did they study extra hard for a test? Praising them for their perseverance and hard work will encourage them to do the same for the next test. Praise feels good, and praise will breed optimism. Don’t tell your child everything they do is wonderful and great. You will help them more by helping them experience a success and face problems and obstacles on the way to succeeding. Children will soon see through empty praise. You should recognize when their efforts were not successful also. Encourage them to continue to do their best and make every effort to succeed the next time they are facing a challenge.

Help your child look for ways to improve. If they do fail, you can recognize the failure but help them to look back at the other successes they have enjoyed. Looking for opportunities to help your child improve is instilling optimism. It does not place blame on failures and helps the child to look at external circumstances to see if there was another reason for failure.

Look on the bright side of life. If you are an optimist, your child will learn optimism from you. Help them to look for the silver lining in every cloud. If it is raining and they cannot go outside and play, help them to see how much fun they will have in creating a scrapbook or craft item in the house. Help them to see the benefit of extra study or reading time while they are forced to stay indoors. Bake some cookies, do something that will make the day special, stay focused on positive activities.

Your are your childs most powerful role model. Let your children see you as an example of optimism. As our children’s role models and they will mimic our actions for years in the future. Practice optimistic thinking and when you achieve a success, do not downplay it with false modesty. Let yourself have the credit for a job well done. If things do not go well, don’t dwell on failures. Instead, keep the events in perspective and look forward to future successes. Whether you like it or not, your children will often follow your example. Be an optimistic parent to raise optimistic children.

If your child bites it can be a parenting nightmare, especially if your toddler bites another child. The first time your child bites someone you probably were appalled that they could do such a thing! The good news is that some children go through this phase and most of the time it is a temporary problem. Believe is to not, biting is a common problem found in many preschools and daycares.

But first of all, it is import to understand why toddlers or babies bite. Many times they will bite because they want to relieve the pressure in their gums while teething. They may also think it is a fun game to play with mommy and daddy. Preschoolers often bite because they have not learned how to handle or cope with stress or do not have the verbal skills to communicate what is wrong with them. Biting is very upsetting to everyone and if you do not deal with it while they are young it may continue, as they get older. That is the last thing you would want to happen. There are a few hints and tricks you can use to help your biting child cope with stress and emotions in another way. Here are some ideas to help stop your childs biting habit.

The first item of business is to step in the minute your child bites someone. You should tell them in a stern voice, “That is biting! You may not bite people.” Express your disapproval firmly and remove the child from the situation. Regardless of what other mom’s may have told you, it does not do any good to bite your child back, and in fact may be very detrimental. They will be getting a mixed message or they will think it is all right for a parent to bite but not a child.

It is important to develop an action plan if your child has been biting and you have not been able to make them stop. You should be prepared to take emergency action and ask for a meeting of the adults that are caregivers. The group should include their teacher, day care helper, or baby-sitter. You should agree on a consequence for the biting behavior. It should be something everyone understands and will be consistently carried out. The consequence could be the loss of a favorite toy, time-out, or they are sent home. Whatever the consequence it must be an action that everyone will follow through with. It has to be strictly and consistently enforced. The consequence should be suitable to the age of the biter.

The next step in stopping the biting behavior is to create empathy by comforting the biting victim. The kids already know that biting hurts, so after removing the biter from the situation, focus all your concern on the victim. Doing this will not only show your child that his or her action caused pain but also show them how to give sympathy. Have your child find a way to atone for his bite. Have them offer a band-aid or a Kleenex, have them draw a picture as a way to apologize to the victim. As a parent you should apologize to the other parents right away either in person or by phone call. Believe me, it is best for the victim’s parents to hear the story from you than a third-party, and that you tried to help their child.

Good parenting is not only about when you are physically with your children, but it is also making sure they are in a safe environment when you are not there. If you are a working mom and don't have the benefit of family or friends to watch your child, it often becomes a necessity that you enroll your child in a daycare center. While you may be understandably leery, here are some tips for choosing a daycare provider which will help in alleviating some of the fears you may have. 

• Check out the daycare centers in your area, either on line or by calling.
• Find out if there are any vacant spots so you can enroll your child.
• Ask where they are located and their hours of operation.
• What is the cost?
• Ensure the daycare provider is licensed. 
• Ask how many children are currently enrolled in the center, and their ages. 
• Ask if they supply meals to the children.

The next series of steps you take are very important. Visit the daycare center and check on the following:

• Is it clean and safe? Is the ratio of caregiver to child appropriate?
• Are the children actively engaged in activities? 
• Do the children seem happy and are being taken care of individually. 
• Are there enough toys and materials with which the caregiver is able to engage the children in activities?
• How do the caregivers talk to the children? Are they warm and friendly?
• Ask the administrator to give you background information on the staff. Are they licensed in this particular area?
• Ensure these caregivers have been trained and have the proper credentials.
• Does the center have exits which are readily available to use in case of emergency egress.

The final step is first hand inspections. Visit several daycare providers during the early morning hours. Determine which center provides the best care and treatment of your child, and has plenty of activities and materials to keep your child active and focused. Then choose accordingly.

The other alternative is to choose a daycare provider to come to your home. This may produce another set of problems, especially should you decide to use a family member to help out. Make sure that you weigh your options carefully, and decide which is more affordable and better choice for you and your child. Research, talk to other moms, and network.

If your child does not belong to a day care, or go to a pre-school and you are worried about your toddlers social development , you may want to consider a mommy and toddler group. This is also a great way in which moms continue the all important bonding with their toddlers, as well as having their child experience being with other toddlers, is through mommy and toddler groups.

There are a number of groups which you and your toddler can join. One of which is at a library or checking your local community to ascertain if they have any similar groups you can join.

In fact, you may wish to start a group of your own. You and other moms can not only bond with each other, but your toddlers will have a chance to mingle with other toddlers.
Also, there appear to be church groups and child centers who also host mommy and toddler groups. Check online for more information. Also, if you have moved to a new neighborhood, ask your neighbors if there are any groups in the area. This is a great way to get to know your neighbors and bond with your toddler at the same time.

You know, bonding with your toddler can also encompass a day at the park – just the two of you. The nature/nurture experience can extend beyond you and your child, as you take in the greenery, trees and flowers. In fact, you may meet other moms at the park and decide to form your own group. You can meet on a weekly basis; set up a place on the grass; and just keep the bonding flowing. 

To find more information about mommys and toddler groups, check your local newspaper to see if there are any groups which you feel you would like to participate in. Mommy and toddler groups can be formed or joined or simply begin with a few neighbors with kids of similar age.