Many times teens in crisis prefer to talk to someone who understands their feelings and can relate to their issues, another teen. However, numerous teens cannot confide in their friends due to trust issues and a fear of embarrassment. TEEN LINE, an anonymous and free hotline, trains volunteers to listen to their peers’ feelings, educate the caller about options, and encourage positive decisions.

Teens worldwide call in as they struggle with problems involving pregnancy, abuse, depression, drug abuse, relationships, eating disorders, sexual orientation and homelessness. Every year more than 10,000 teens call TEEN LINE and over 30,000 individuals attend TEEN LINE outreach presentations. Elaine Leader, Ph.D., the executive director of TEEN LINE says, "Our program provides a safe, confidential way for teens to talk things out with a peer who can understand and who will listen, but not judge."

As listeners, we aim to promote individuality and help the caller distinguish between the right and wrong choice. At TEEN LINE we do not give advice; we firmly believe that callers, themselves, know the answer to their problems and have the capability to make their own decisions. Opening myself up to others has influenced me in ways I never could understand if not for TEEN LINE. I have gained the skills and capability to strengthen others in times when they cannot see their own potential. TEEN LINE has educated me on how to help my peers battle the difficulties in their lives in a non-judgmental and trusting manner. I’ve learned how to listen with an open heart and I now can better deal with issues that I formerly found more difficult.

By listening to and educating callers, TEEN LINE saves the lives of suicidal teens, teens that are being abused, or teens that are just hurting themselves. Some teens call back later thanking us for being there when they needed help. One teen said, “You make me feel comfortable and allow me to talk about what is going on. I have tried calling other hotlines, but it isn’t the same because you guys are teens”. Little comments like this let us know that we are making a difference, one call at a time.

-TEEN LINE LISTENER

Biography of TEEN LINE

TEEN LINE is a non profit organization that is open from 6-10 pm PST every night. The national hotline number is (310) 855-4673 and our toll free California number is (800) 852-8336. If a teen prefers not to call in, other alternatives are available for teens to access TEEN LINE such as email and online live chat available on our website. For more information about TEEN LINE, how to make a donation, or how to arrange an outreach please visit our website at www.teenlineonline.org

by Jennifer Shakeel

One of the toughest job requirements of parents is learning how to let your child grow up and be their own person. I say this to you as a parent struggling with this very issue right now. Our teenager is almost 15, starting High School and has morphed into this person we aren’t all the sure we like. (Smile and wink here.) It seems as though it happened overnight. One minute she was this perfect young lady who wanted nothing more than to cuddle with her dad each night watching their favorite show and do all she could to be just like me throughout the day. When I say overnight I am really not being facetious here.

So I wanted to offer every parent out there tips that my husband and I are using to cope with the growing pains we are experiencing in letting go, just a little.

Parenting Tip One: Realize that tomorrow it will be Different

We all remember what it was like to be a teenager. One day the latest pop singer was the person we dreamed about and tried to emulate… and the “next day” we had moved onto the skater guy that sits across from us in Math class that happened to smile at us yesterday. Part of the morphing experience I call it, is that our children are trying to discover who they are outside of us. What they like and what they don’t. It is a learning process that they need to go through.

Parenting Tip Two: Take a deep breath before you comment on the clothes

Now, as long as they are not baring all that they own, let them wear what makes them happy. If you want to use the stipulation that we use “This is what you will wear when you are out in public with us,” so be it. Compromise because you don’t want them to sneak things behind your back. And they will, no matter how wonderful your child is, they will if you stifle them to the point that they have no freedom.

Tip Three: Master the Art of Compromise

If it is a tattoo or a piercing… opt for the piercing because it isn’t permanent. If they want the skinny leg jeans and the holey top… tell them they can have one or the other if they buy normal pants or shirt also. Come on… do you wear the polyster stuff your grandmother tried to buy for you when you were a teenager? I didn’t think so.

Parenting Tip Four: Hair grows back.

This one just makes me laugh only because our oldest daughter has changed her hair color so many times I am not sure we know what the original color is anymore and our son believes that football season means mohawk season. Look, their hair will grow back and you can even find a hair color that closely mimic the color you believe your child should have.

Parenting Tip Five: Will it matter tomorrow?

Does it really impact the rest of their life if you let them listen to Escape the Fate (to me sounds like a bunch of screaming) over the Jonas Brothers? Not really. We all grew out of New Kids on the Block and Poison… so will our sons and daughters. I turned out pretty okay for being a New Kids fan and a Michael Jackson and Prince fan. Yes my friends from highschool tease me… but hey, do you want to rob your child of this future embarrassment?

Parenting Tip Six: Remember you were that age to

All too often parents forget that at one time they were the same age as their kids. Sure you may have been different, liked different things, acted a different way… but you were that age before. Try to remember what you were going through on the inside when you were a teenager. If need be, be thankful they aren’t doing some of the things you did and got away with. (wink)

Parenting Tip Seven: Tell them you love them

Your child will never get to the point that they do not need to hear you tell them you love them. Hug them when you get the chance and tell them how proud of them you are. If you really want your child to know that you love them… you need to tell them every once in a while. When your teen walks up to you and says “Can I have a hug,” stop what you are doing and hug them… kiss their forehead and tell them you love them.

May my children grow and never doubt how much I love them. I may not always like what they are doing or wearing… I do remember going through similar things. If they can be patient with me… I can be patient with them.

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Guiding Your Teenager to Independence and Self-Reliance

by Stephanie Partridge

As your teen grows, he or she will begin to move in a direction that makes them more independent.  They will begin to rely more on themselves and less on you.  For some parents that is difficult and for most teens it is quite tough, but it is a necessary part of becoming an adult.  Growing up means growing apart in many ways.

The question then becomes how can we as parents help our kids?  How can we guide them to becoming self reliant?  I asked three psychologists who work with teenagers and families to weigh in on this issue.  Here is what they had to say.

“Adolescence is where parents reap what they have sown during the earlier years,” says Katie McCorkle, Ph.D., family and child psychologist and founder and CEO of Balanced Heart Healing Center (www.balancedheart.org). “If they have allowed independent thinking and respected the child’s wishes on important matters throughout childhood, the teenage years will be an easier rider for both parent and teen.  If parents have made all the decisions previously (and thus fostered dependence), teens are more likely to assert their independence in ways which don’t please the parents.  It’s all about bi-directional RESPECT in the relationship, and focusing the teen’s attention on who they really want to be, and how in/consistent they are being in expressing that in their daily life.”

McCorkle offers these tips for parents who want to guide their teens to independence.

• Commit to each other’s safety – Good things only happen when everyone feels safe, so negotiating boundaries and rules where everyone wins is important.  Otherwise, teens may lie and hide to get some of what they want, and parents may become overprotective when they have safety fears.
• Ask, don’t tell – Especially ask “what” and “how” questions rather than “why questions.  Why puts the other on the defensive, and what/how questions are easier to answer and more likely to lead to a solution. Leading questions are fine.  When teens come up with their own answers, they’re more committed to those solutions.
• Allow room to make mistakes, and learn from them – We often learn more from our mistakes than from our successes, because we tend to pay more attention to them and to their consequences.  Offer teens a “safe” realm of authority in their own lives, so they can learn.  One way my mother taught me to manage money was to add up what she spent on me for certain things (clothes, entertainment, travel, toiletries, etc.) for a year, divide it by 12, and give me a monthly allowance in that amount.  I LOVED this, because it gave me room to change the priorities (spend more on entertainment and less on clothes, etc.)

Alexa Foster, Ph.D. of Off the Couch Psychology in Mission Viejo, California and the parent of two teenage boys, is a clinical psychologist who works with many teens and parents.  Teen independence is a topic that comes up often and she provides direction to parents so that they can keep their kids on the right track.

• Start early –  Teaching independence is a slow but steady process, with incremental increases over time.  It starts in elementary school.
• Independence Should be Earned –  Teens crave independence and see it as a privilege.  Certain aspects of independence (driving, reduced supervision, etc.) must be earned by responsible behavior.
• Contributing to the Family is a First Step Toward Independence - Independence is, ideally, embedded within a structure of values communicated by parents to children.  Teens need to buy into house rules and values – they do not respond well to simple demands of compliance.  Parents need to communicate why independent responsible behavior is important.  Ideally, a parent should communicate that teens have a mission that includes learning how to contribute to their family and community, and that independence is an essential part of that mission.  For example, parents may tell a teen that he or she needs to pay for car insurance in order to contribute to the family’s financial stability (or specific financial goals).  Another example is that a teen may receive the privilege of driving in part because he or she contributes to the family’s overall functioning by driving siblings to appointments.
• Teens Need to Know What the “Real World” is Like - As teens get older, they need experiences to help them see the value of hard work, planning ahead and delaying gratification.  Therefore, they need minimum-wage jobs and other experiences that provide a realistic view of what choices they will have if they do not follow through on academic responsibilities.
• Teens need to be Allowed to Fail –  All of this is easier if parents resist the urge to rescue their children from consequences.  A small example: high school students should use alarm clocks rather than parents waking them up.  If they forget to set the alarm, they will get to school late.

“With regards to specifics, such as paying rent at home, when to encourage jobs, etc., these are often context related,” says Foster.  “However, if a teen has 1) become non-productive or is 2) exploiting parents’ desire to provide for them and failing to contribute back, parents will need to make home life less comfortable.  At this point, tough love is needed and that will likely include paying for room and board and getting a job.”

Dr. Stephen Trudeau of Human’s Guide (www.HumansGuide.com) works with teens in his psychology practice in Westlake Village, California.  He stresses to parents that a teen can not be expected to become independent over night.  Instead, it should be a gradual transition that allows the teen to learn how to be independent a little at a time.

Trudeau says, “As with most life skills, it helps if the demands are not too great or too soon.  A teen who has had a cushy lifestyle and is then demanded to pay rent, and take care of themselves can easily falter.  Progressively adding responsibilities allows for a period of adjustment.  Think of the responsibility of riding a bicycle safely:  First comes the training wheels, then when they are off, the parent holds on  to the back of the seat and gently guides them until they feel they can try it on their own.  A new rider is pretty wobbly but soon gets the hang of it.  Same for teens, when they first take responsibility for themselves, they are a bit wobbly but with enough practice they will get it right.”

Guiding your teen to become independent means that you must also allow them to become independent.  You have to let them make their own mistakes, but lovingly guide and support them.  Then you just have to let them go.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

Growing up is hard, we all know that. Teens today face more stress and pressure then many of us did at the age. Part of that is our society and the other part is the demands we as parents put on our kids. This means that we need to make sure that we are doing all we can to make sure they are equipped with the tools they need to cope with the stress. Though I often say that it is best to start building a good relationship with them when they are young… it can be done when they are teens. It just may require a little more work and you may be met with a little more resistance. However, teens that have a good relationship with their parents are better able to cope with the stress of being a teenager in the 21st century.

Tip 1: Make Sure you are Available to Talk

Talking to a teenager… yes, this can be tough because they don’t always want to talk to you. This doesn’t mean that you don’t try, and that you don’t let them know you are there for them to talk to. I remember when I was younger that my parents always said that I could talk to them about anything. I also remember my mother going in her bedroom and screaming into a pillow after a few conversations… so I learned not to talk to her about certain topics.

You may not like what you are going to hear. But listen to them without interruption… and try not to scream in a pillow when they can hear or see you.

Tip 2: Show Your Teen Healthy Escapes

When your child was little telling them to color or bang on the pots and pans was a great way to let them de-stress. That probably won’t work with your teen. However there are many options you can give them to help them deal with stress. Encourage them to keep a journal, listen to music that makes them feel better, meditate, exercise something that is good for them and will make them feel better. For me it used to be going out to the garage and hitting the punching bag while listening to loud music.

Tip 3: Get your Teen Laughing

It has been shown that laughing can help reduce stress just as much as exercise can. Keep humorous things in your house such as comic books or books. Allow for get-to-gethers with family and friends. Show your teen how to laugh at his own actions by laughing at your own actions. This can be a great way for him to deal with many emotions as well as stress.

Tip 4: Help by Building Confidence

You can do this by praising things that your teen does around the house such as chores. Okay, so your child may look at you like you have lost your marbles for that one, but deep down inside it has made them feel better. We all like to feel appreciated, and when we feel as though we have made a positive impact with someone that we are close to… we feel better. Stronger and ready to conquer the worl. Make it routine to find something each day to give him praise for.

Tip 5: Show your Teen that Keeping Things in Perspective is Good

This plays a very important role in relieving stress. Have him look at the situation from a different point of view. Your teen will have an easier time letting go of certain things if he learns how to do this. Flunking a test is not the end of the world. A fight with a friend does not mean the friendship is over, even though it may feel that way. It is important that you teach them how to see the big picture but at the same time acknowledge how they feel over the small picture.

Tip 6: Teach your Teen to Reduce Stress by Focusing on Positive Things in a Situation

To every dark cloud there is a silver lining. While we can’t always see this lining, we have to look for it. I am a firm believer in the fact that if you learn something from a situation, whatever that situation is, then it is not a bad situation. Learning allows for growth, and by growing teens become productive and well adjusted life. My dad used to tell me “Adversity build character, so suck it up.” While I don’t say that same thing to my kids… I do share that sentiment with them. What you are going through will only make you a stronger person tomorrow.

Tip 7: Look out for roadblocks that are negative.

If a teen is unsure of how to deal with stress, then they may turn to drugs and alcohol. Try to look out for warning signs and always try to talk to your teen without being too pushy with him.

by Stephanie Partridge

"Does Your Teen feel they are Good Enough?"

I have been talking to some teens, or actually, I have been listening to some teens.  I wanted to know what was on their minds, what was bothering them, what was impeding their relationships with their parents.

I tried asking my own kids, but they were no help.  They both said, “Mom, I can’t complain.  You listen to us; you respect us, when we tell you something you really hear us.  You trust us, you show us you love us, you are our best friend.  We have no complaints at all!”

Well, that was a big help.

So, I began talking to friends of my kids.  Many of them have said that they wish they could live at my house, wish I could adopt them.  I laughed at the time, but I am not laughing now.  The raw pain I have witnessed as these teenagers have poured their hearts out to me is no laughing matter.  These kids come from all walks of life, all economic stations.  Both boys and girls, these kids have complaints that are universal – can potentially tragic.

One of the big issues that they talk about is never being good enough.  No matter what they do it is never quite good enough.

One 16 year old girl I know well told me how she will spend half of the day cleaning the house while her mother is at work.  She will wash dishes, sweep, mop, clean counters, and scrub everything till it shines (I know, I have seen her work), only to have her mom come home and say, “Where’s dinner?”

All the hard work this girl has done is ignored.

Too many parents seem to forget that their kids are thinking, feeling individuals.  They respond to praise and positivity.  They respond when their efforts are recognized, when their hard work is acknowledged.

OK, your kids don’t always do what he or she is supposed to do (NO kid does).  However, that doesn’t mean that you completely ignore the good things that they have done, or the things that they have done right.  In fact, if you only focus on what they aren’t doing, the things that they are doing will get fewer and farther between.  Mark my words.

The “Sandwich Effect” is great in these situations.

The “Sandwich Effect”

It is a simple concept, really.  When you have to deliver criticism, sandwich it between two positive statements.  For instance, “Jimmy, you have really been doing a great job of bringing up your grades.  I am really proud of you.  I do need you to pay more attention to your chores and take more responsibility in the things you do to help the family.  But you are very smart and I am very proud of you so I know this won’t be a problem.  I can help remind you for a while until it becomes habit.  Will that help you?”

Now, instead of blowing up and possibly berating the child, you have just reminded him that you recognize the efforts he makes.  You also reminded him that there are other things he needs to improve, but you let him know that you have confidence in him and even offered to help him get started.

Avoid Generalities and Finger Pointing

You NEVER help me around the house!  You ALWAYS talk back!  This is a huge pet peeve of mine and it can really damage a kid.  Avoid generalities at all costs.  No one is all bad.  You kids may mess up.  In fact, they are going to mess up, it’s their job as kids!  But they aren’t going to mess up all the time.  It also is a bad move to put them on the defensive by finger pointing.  Don’t point the finger at them to show them how bad they messed up.  Think about how often you proceed a comment  to them with the word “You,” particularly when you are telling them what they are doing wrong.

If you want them to take out the trash, try saying, “I really need you to take out the trash, please.  Come on, I’ll help you by emptying the bathroom trash can while you tie up the kitchen garbage.”

If they aren’t doing what they are supposed to, try saying, “I really need you to help me out around here. I do what I can, but you sweep/mop/wash dishes/cook so well and it really helps me out.”

Avoid Nagging

The only thing nagging will get you is a migraine and a disgruntled child (and likely not the goal you intended).  Ask three times then hit ‘em where it hurts.  Take away the cell phone, computer, car, whatever and don’t give it back until they do what you asked.  But whatever you do, DON’T NAG!

Accentuate the Positive

If they do something right, let them know.  Enough Said.

Give a Choice

No one likes to be told what to do.  Now, before you blow up and say, “They’re kids!  We’re supposed to tell them what to do!” hear me out.  I am not saying that you should give them a choice whether or not they do what you tell them.  I am not saying that at all.  What I am saying is that you should give them choices whenever and wherever you can.  Let me give you an example.

My youngest is in charge of the trash.  He takes it out whenever it gets full.  Some days, though, he forgets.  I get up in the morning to a full garbage can.  I go to his room and the conversation goes something like this:

Me:        Ben, we need to do something about the garbage, I just walked into the kitchen and it spoke to
me.  It even knew my name – I was a little scared.

Ben:       (laughs) I’m sorry, Mom.  I forgot.

Me:        OK, well, we need to do something.  Do you want to take it out after breakfast or when you
leave for school?

It is that simple.  I gave him a choice of how he would carry out his duties.  I did not give him a choice of whether or not he would do it.  But I will tell you, this technique is about 98% effective and I don’t have to punish, gripe or fuss.  I leave him to make the choice that I gave him and it gets done.

This sends him the message that a) he has some control in his life, b) I trust him and believe in him enough to allow him to make some of his own decisions, and c) that I respect him enough to treat him like a person instead of someone I can order around.

A bonus to this is that I have seen my kids make very good decisions and they don’t get into trouble.  They are leaders and walk to the beat of their own drums because they are confident in who they are and what they can do.

Trust me, believing in your kids and letting them know it (not just by telling, but by showing) is one of the best things you can do for their self esteem and confidence.  Let them know that they are good enough and that what they do is appreciated.

Biography
Stephanie Partridge is a freelance writer and photographer as well as a FOIA analyst for a federal agency in Washington, D.C. She is a single mom to Jeffery, 19; Micah Elizabeth, 17 and Benjamin, 15. She is also the author of the ebook, “Diet is a Dirty Word.”

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

February is Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month. I will be posting several related articles here with information on empowering our daughters, teaching our sons and making sure that our kids are safe (boys get abused too).

The statistics are alarming. It is estimated that an incredible one out of every three teens experiences abuse, often at the hands of a date or “intimate.” Worse, two out of three teens will never report the abuse. As parents, it is our job to ensure our children’s safety, but what do we do when we can’t be with them? The best thing that we can do for our kids is educate them. If we teach them how to protect themselves and how to not only act in a dangerous situation but also how to detect one, we are well on our way to reducing our child’s risk of enduring dating violence.

I have a teenage daughter and I admit, I worry about her. She is the sweetest, kindest child I have ever seen. She is also incredibly innocent. It would be easy for some guy to take advantage of her.

I have endured domestic violence. I am a survivor. She knows this and I do believe that she is stronger because of it. But there are so many kids out there who are enduring teen dating violence and they feel like they have nowhere to turn.

There are long lasting scars the young people endure when they are victims of teen dating violence. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) teens who are victims of dating violence:

• Are more likely to do poorly in school
• Are more likely to use drugs and alcohol
• Are more likely to engage in behaviors that are unhealthy or even dangerous
• Are more likely to experience depression
• Are more likely to develop an eating disorder
• Are more likely to attempt suicide
• Are more likely to carry patterns of violence into their future relationships
• Are more likely (three times) to experience violence during college

The CDC is heading up a national initiative to combat teen dating violence. “Choose Respect” is geared toward ending teen dating violence and helping teens enjoy healthy, non violent relationships. I will be highlighting this program in an upcoming post, but you can read up on it at http://www.cdc.gov/Features/ChooseRespect/.

Another program I will be highlighting this month is the Have a Heart program. It is a national campaign that is sponsored by Break the cycle, Mary Kay and the U.S. Department of Education. It was created to promote and encourage the education of teen dating violence and, through education, help end it. This is accomplished by broadcasting various messages over participating schools’ intercoms.

If your teen is dating, then you need to have a talk with them. Even if you don’t feel that they are involved in any violence, you still need to talk. Teen dating violence can start with something as simple as name calling or a mean email or text. This can turn into harassment which can turn into violence. We need to stop it, but the only way to stop it is to educate our children.

Melody Brooke, a ground breaking teen counselor who has helped to transform the lives of numerous teens and families and author of “The Cycles of the Heart: A way out of the ego-centrism of everyday life” as well as “Oh Wow this Changes Everything” offers advice on how to prepare your teen daughter for dating. You can also read more about her and her numerous endeavors to help teens  on her website Awakened Heart Productions.

Melody offers this straightforward, practical advice to teens (and parents this is what you can tell your teens):

1)Trust your gut, if something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't

2) Your judgment is impaired if you are drinking or drugging, rely on a sober friends judgment

3) Even if you will "get in trouble" it’s more important to know you can call your parents or trusted adult friend. Be sure you have the trusted adult friend's number on you.

4) Be aware while dressing seductively might be fun (for all the attention you get), its not worth the price if the guys you happen to be around are the wrong kind of guys

5) NEVER leave a drink unattended no matter how safe a situation feels

6) ALWAYS have girlfriends with you if you are with a group of guys

7) If the guys are drinking and acting stupid, get out of there.
Always keep your cell phone on your person.

9) Getting argumentative with an impaired person is a setup for abuse, they aren't thinking logically and their much more likely to act impulsively

10) Value yourself, you are precious and don't deserve to have to be hit, or to be sexual to be loved.

One thing that I do for my daughter is always make sure that she has some money on her, at least bus or cab fare or subway fare, depending on where she is going. That way, if she walks out on a date or gets stranded, she can at least get to a safe place fairly quickly. I also had her put the police phone number in her phone.

Our teens are facing many more stresses than we were at their age. Stress is a major cause of violence, whether the stress directly leads to violence, or it leads to substance abuse which leads to stress.

If you aren’t already addressing the reality of teen dating violence with your teen, now is as good a time as any. Maybe it’s time to step things up, make your good game better and prepare your child for a world that isn’t always so safe and nice. Teen dating violence is a reality; unfortunately a common one and it can happen to YOUR child. Don’t make your teen a statistic.

Biography: Stephanie Partridge, a contributing writer on teen parenting at sites such as more4kids.info and Alexandria Teen Parenting Examiner (Alexandria, VA), knows well the habits and behaviors of that mysterious creature known as the teenager.  A single mom living just outside of Washington, D.C. and raising two (awesome) teenagers on her own (and one out of the nest), Stephanie has an innate understanding of teens and the issues that they face today.  Her articles, providing a practical, positive and often humorous approach to tackling teen issues, have been featured on numerous websites. She is also a freelance photographer.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

by Stephanie Partridge

Parenting is the greatest job anyone can have, but the teen years have a way of sneaking up on you. One day your child is the cute, dimpled, roly poly baby and the next he is the tall, handsome young man asking for the car keys. My daughter turned 18 the other day and my baby is not far behind her. This got me thinking…My life has changed SO MUCH since I had kids. So, here’s my list. These are 25 telltale clues that you are living with a teenager.

1. There is a room in your house that looks like a disaster zone, but you can barely make out what appears to be a bed and, wait! Is that foot sticking out of the rubble?
2. Your teen gets dressed to “go out” and you ask if they are going to a costume party.
3. You have the Urban Dictionary bookmarked.
4. It is 2 o’clock on a Saturday afternoon and you’re still the only one awake.
5. You can’t remember the last time you saw your house phone, much less found it free so you could use it.
6. You not only know what “emo,” “metalcore,” “poser” and “screamo” mean, you can use those words in a sentence AND you can give real life examples.
7. There is a strange noise eminating from your child’s living quarters, a strange, rhythmic growling and odd vibrations. Upon inquiry, you are informed that this is “music.”
8. You have discovered that one of the best ways to communicate with your teen is through FaceBook Chat.
9. There are permanent indentions in the passenger side of your dashboard from your white knuckled fingers.
10. You call your child’s name and, from behind their closed bedroom door you hear, “What?” Then nothing. You call again and that same voice, in a slightly irritated tone, “What?” You sigh and roll your eyes at the fact that you actually have to say, “Come here!”
11. “What up, Homie! “ is a standard greeting in your house.
12. You have become a pro at texting.
13. You get in your car, turn it on and the radio blasts something at you that is unintelligible, loud, slightly resembling music and maybe a little scary – and you instantly know the band and the name of the song.
14. You catch yourself approaching your co-workers and greeting them with “What up, Homie!”
15. You are realizing that you are sounding more and more like your mother.
16. You have discovered that “Clean your room” actually means “Shove everything under your bed” in teen-speak.
17. You have never been a violent person, but you have an almost uncontrollable urge to throttle the boy who broke your daughter’s heart.
18. If it wasn’t for your teen, you’d still be living in the dark ages. Instead, you are chatting with your friend on your web cam while texting your boss and uploading your “pics” from your digital camera.
19. When they are out with friends or off doing their own thing, the house seems really quiet – and really empty.
20. You secretly suspect that gremlins break into your kitchen at night and eat all your food. That has to be the explanation, right? I mean, NO ONE can eat THAT much food in such a short time!
21. You have a much deeper respect for your parents and what they must have gone through, but you know in your heart of hearts that when you were a teen you were never like THAT.
22. You are on a first name basis with the top five college recruiters in your area.
23. You now know that black eyeliner isn’t just for girls.
24. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, will be done “in a minute.”
25. You know that you have a bff in your teen and you wouldn’t trade your life for anything in the world.

Hug your teen today and while you are telling them how much you love them, also let them know all the wonderful things that they have brought to your life.

I don’t know about you, but I would'nt trade my crazy bunch for the world.

Good game.

Biography: Stephanie Partridge, a contributing writer on teen parenting at sites such as more4kids.info and Alexandria Teen Parenting Examiner (Alexandria, VA), knows well the habits and behaviors of that mysterious creature known as the teenager.  A single mom living just outside of Washington, D.C. and raising two (awesome) teenagers on her own (and one out of the nest), Stephanie has an innate understanding of teens and the issues that they face today.  Her articles, providing a practical, positive and often humorous approach to tackling teen issues, have been featured on numerous websites. She is also a freelance photographer.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

by Stephanie Partridge

An estimated twenty percent of teenagers will experience depression at some point before the reach adulthood. Twenty to forty percent of those teens will experience more than on depressive episode within a two year period and an incredible seventy percent will have more than one depressive episode before they reach adulthood. These are very sobering figures, but they should serve to put parents, teachers and others who work with young people on alert. Teen depression is a serious matter, not to be taken lightly. As our teenagers are placed under more and more pressure by a society the moves fast and lives hard, we should keep a watchful eye and be ready to intervene when things get out of hand.

We are all well acquainted with so-called “teenage angst.” Television shows us the “typical” teenager (which really isn't typical at all), dressed in black, a sullen look on their face, lying around doing nothing and we told that this is normal. To some degree, this is normal teenage behavior, but we need to be cognizant of any changes in behavior or habits. Ideally, parents should maintain open lines of communication between themselves and their children, but this is sometimes easier said than done. So let's take this one step at a time, examine depression, its symptoms, it causes, preventative measures and what you, as a parent or influential person in the child's life, can do to help.

Depression or “Just the Blues”?

If we did not have sadness, we could not appreciate happiness. By the same token, if we did not have sadness, we would not have depression. Persistent sadness is one of the most prevalent, common symptoms of depression. Everyone feels sad now and then, including teens. But common sadness is generally a natural emotional response to an upsetting event, such as a death, a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend or failing a test. Sometimes, stress or fatigue can cause someone to feel “down in the mouth.”

These feelings of sadness can run the gamut of helplessness, misery, grief, sorrow, anxiety and loss. However, these very normal feelings are usually temporary. They don't last very long and often decline in intensity in a very short period of time. This is not “depression” in its true, clinical form. When feelings of sadness last for longer that two weeks, it could very well be depression.

Symptoms of Depression in Teens

Symptoms of depression vary from person to person. Some of the trademark symptoms include fatigue, marked changes in eating habits and weight (either sudden loss or sudden gain), inability to concentrate, irritability, marked changes in sleeping habits (either too much or too little), loss of interest in activities that they once enjoyed, hopelessness, worthlessness, feelings of guilt and ideations of death and suicide. Some teens may cry easily or fly into a rage with little provocation. Stomachaches and headaches can also indicate depression.

Withdrawal from friends is a classic symptom of teen depression. If you teen suddenly stops wanting to spend time with their family and friends, it could mean that something is wrong. If a student's grades suddenly decline, this could also be an indicator. Basically, if you notice any negative sudden changes in your teen's behavior, then you should take a closer look at their overall behavior and talk with them to find out what is going on.

Causes of Teen Depression

As children mature, they are put under a great deal of stress. This, combined with all the hormonal changes and conflicts with parents as the child struggles to separate from the parents and become independent all contribute to feelings of sadness and even depression. Stressful or upsetting events can also cause depression, as can low self esteem and feelings of not having control over certain things in their lives. There are any number of factors that can cause a person to become depressed.

Chemical imbalance in the brain, brain injury, illness and chronic pain often lead to depression. Sometimes, the depression can seem to come from nowhere. One day your child is happy-go-lucky and the next he is a brooding, sullen lump on your couch. One day she is a straight A student with a full social calendar and the next, she is an isolated introvert who is doing good to pass at all. Depression can get out of hand in a very short time, so it is important to be aware of changes in your child and stay on top of them.

Depression Prevention

It is important to understand the most common risk factors for depression. This way, you can try to stay ahead of it, or at least be ready to seek help if you need it. The four main risk factors for depression are: 1) family history regarding depression. Depressive tendencies are often genetic, 2) long term illness or disability (physical or mental), 3) experiencing an upsetting event such as a trauma, death of a loved one, abuse, loss, divorce of parents being the target of a bully, or a breakup, and 4) difficulties at school, with friends, at work or at school.

Prevention of depression can go a long way in abating the symptoms. Drugs and alcohol should be avoided because these can trigger depression or make it worse. Encouraging your child to associate with positive minded people and helping them develop a strong support system with family members, friends, teachers and coaches will also help a great deal. Diet can play a role in depression as well. Encourage your teen to eat at least three regular meals a day and stress the importance of a healthy diet. Skipping meals can cause fluctuations in blood sugar which can affect mood. Sugar can also affect the mood, causing agitation or euphoria, then a “crash” into depression. Caffeine acts in a very similar manner to sugar and should be limited or avoided.

What you can Do

The best thing you can do to help your teen is to know him or her well enough to notice when changes begin to take place. When you notice the changes, talk. You don't have to launch right into the “I know you are depressed” speech, but a few questions about what is going on in their life can be very enlightening. Ask about friends, school, home, anything that affects your child.

Sometimes, getting kids engaged in an activity will help them open up and talk. I always have a foam football in the house with my three teenagers and we toss it back and forth while we talk. It is amazing how the kids will concentrate on throwing the ball and the words just tumble out. Some of our best conversations have been over that cheap little football.

If you feel that your child's depression could be harmful or goes on for more than a few weeks, they should see a doctor. There are many physical illnesses and conditions that can lead to depression and you want to rule those out. Also, getting your child the help and treatment that they need to overcome their depression is vital to their growth, maturity and success in life. We all want our children to be healthy and happy, mental health is just as important as physical health. So keep your eyes and ears open and stay tuned in to your teen so that you can act quickly if you see things go awry.

Biography
Stephanie Partridge: I am a mom, not just to my three terrific teenagers, but to the entire neighborhood! On any given weekend we may have as many as 9 or more kids (not including my three) staying over at our house – and they all call me Mom. LOL
I am currently pursuing a psychology degree so that I can counsel young people and incorporate therapy dogs into my practice. I believe that parenting is more than just raising kids, it is about raising adults who are productive critical thinkers. I believe in asking questions about Life's hard questions and finding the answers together.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

by Stephanie Partridge

How do we, as parents, know when it is time for our offspring to leave the nest?  And at what point should we push them out of the nest?  This dilemma has been plaguing parents for ages.   But the bigger question is how do we prepare our children for independence?  If you have seen the comedy, “Failure to Launch,” about an adult man who still lives with him parents, you may have chuckled a few times, but in the back of your mind you were probably thinking, “That could be me!”

The confusing thing about this is that if you ask ten different parents you will get ten different answers.  When it comes to raising kids, parents tend to have strong opinions.

The adult child in the movie was equipped for the “real world,” but had little motivation to “launch.”  His parents made his world cushy and he had no motivation to leave the nest.  As parents, it is instinctual to try to do things to make our children’s lives easier.  We want them to be happy and we don’t want them to experience discomfort or pain.

Unfortunately, life isn’t so kind – and we won’t always be around to shield them from the harshness of reality.

This means that it is our duty as parents to prepare them.  We have to teach them the value of hard work, just how far a dollar really goes and that not everyone is as nice, forgiving and accommodating as mom and dad.  And the pain from that growth is almost as hard on us as it is on our children.  But it is very, very necessary.

I had an “easy” life when it came to chores, money and “stuff.”  I didn’t have to do chores, my parents gave me money whenever I wanted it and whatever “stuff” I wanted or needed was supplied to me with little or no effort on my part.

When I moved out of my parent’s house at age 19 I was lost.  My neighbor’s 16 year old son would come over and mop my floors (he eventually taught me).  I worked, but things had always come so easy for me that I really had little appreciation for things I had.  I floundered for a while, treading water and barely staying afloat.  I was overwhelmed to say the least.  When I started having children I was really, really lost.

It wasn’t until I was 31 and a freshman in college, raising three small children that I began to get my feet under me.  Those five years were transforming for me.  I became very non-materialistic, more aware of how I was handling my money and I became more disciplined.

And I was determined that my children would not have such difficulties transitioning into the real world.

I taught all three of my kids to cook, starting at an early age.  My oldest son is an amazing cook and my daughter is now taking gourmet cooking classes.  My youngest knows how to cook, but it isn’t his favorite thing to do.  They also all three know how to keep up a house, wash clothes, clean, manage money and get around both in a car and using public transportation.

They grew up experiencing my resourcefulness as I managed to raise them with very, very little child support or help.  They are all outside-of-the –box thinkers and have on more than one occasion come up with brilliantly unique solutions to difficult problems.  They have their assigned chores and each has a night that they must plan, shop for and prepare the family meal.  My 17 year old daughter, however, will text me at work, particularly if she sees I am running late, asking if I want her to start dinner.  I think they are growing into self sufficient, independent young adults.

What Your Teen Should Know About Being Independent

Writer Harry H. Harrison, Jr. has written a book that is a must-read for parents who want to prepare their children for the real world: 1001 Things Every Teen Should Know Before They Leave Home: (Or Else They'll Come Back)
deals with this sometimes difficult topic with compassion and humor.  According to Harrison, studies indicate that of the teens that leave home to “get out on their own,” a full 50% of them will move back home in five or six years – and stay for a while.  The book prepares parents for preparing their teens for survival in the adult world.  The table of contents alone is a veritable fount of information.  The titles of the chapters read like a set of practical guidelines:

They should know how to get a job so they can make their own money and not have to move home.

They should know how to live on a starting salary so they won't go broke and have to move home.

They should know where the money is so they don't get stuck in a loser career and have to move home.

They should know how to live without mom waking them up, doing their laundry, and taking care of them or else they'll move home.

They should know the secrets of home repair and Home Depot so when something breaks, they won't move home.

They should have an adult's vocabulary so they don't sound like a teenager and have to move home.

Here is a sampling of his no nonsense, humorous advice to parents regarding what they should teach their teens:

1. They should know adulthood isn't for sissies.
5. They should know the lifestyle they enjoyed growing up isn't waiting for them upon graduation.
6. They should know a six figure salary; a splashy condo and a Beamer take time. Or an MBA.
7. They should know to seek the advice of a mentor. Not the wisdom of their unemployed club friends.
33. They should know college and graduate school are hard, time-consuming and just warm-ups for life.
40. They should know self discipline is a key to solving life's problems.
46. They should know victims are never happy.
47. They should know life is all about negotiation. A skill they learned when they were six.
48. They should know to not wait until there are helicopters circling overhead to start a prayer life.
54. They should know growing up takes moving out. And moving on.

We take the journey with our children.  When we embark on a road trip, we leave armed with a map.  Consider this book your map to teaching your teen independence.

Biography
Stephanie Partridge: I am a mom, not just to my three terrific teenagers, but to the entire neighborhood! On any given weekend we may have as many as 9 or more kids (not including my three) staying over at our house – and they all call me Mom. LOL
I am blessed with a wonderful husband who married us all and moved into the dad role with an ease that is awe inspiring. We live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with our three pit bulls, Chihuahua (who rules the house) and two cats. I am currently pursuing a psychology degree so that I can counsel young people and incorporate therapy dogs into my practice.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

by Jennifer Shakeel

It does not matter how you feel about your child and romance you are probably not going to be ready for them to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.  That time will be here before you know it and as the parent you have the privilege of setting the tone and guiding your young person through this exciting time in their young life. It just recently happened to us; our 15 year old daughter had her first boyfriend. As much as you know the time is coming, it takes your breath away when it does happen.

Some tips may help you and your child navigate this milestone and draw even closer in your relationship.

1. You first need to admit that this day will come and prepare for it, long before it gets here. Before your young person jumps into the romance pool, you will have had the chance to set the platform for their romantic relationships.  Help them make friends of sexes, modeling the standards of your family and labeling the good qualities in the friends they bring home. If your family is socially responsible, values faith and education then help your kids appreciate those qualities in themselves. Liking themselves and knowing where they stand, before they fall into a romance gives them a good framework for healthy relationships.

2. When your child comes home with the spark of romance in their eyes, talking about the person she “likes” or “loves” be positive. This is not the time to ridicule your child, and tell them they are too young or make fun of the object of their affection. Instead, celebrate with your young person that they can know such a wonderful person and share such exciting feelings. This will keep you in the loop, and you will continue to have open lines of communication. If your ten year old tells you she is “going out” with the boy down the block, do not just jump in and declare “You are not going anywhere!” but instead get a feel for what this means to her. It might mean sitting on the bus together.

3. When your child is old enough to actually be dating, keep informed. Ask that they tell you where they are going, and with whom, and when to expect them back. You can foster this respect for many years before you have a child who is dating in two ways. First of all, you should do the same thing. It is a matter of respect and security. “I am going to Wal Mart with the neighbor, and I should be back at 2:00 pm” is just a common courtesy. You can then ask them as they grow up to do the same thing. “Mom, if it is okay, I am going to play soccer at the park with Bill. I will be back for supper.” If your child has that habit, you can expect in the dating field as well.

I can tell you from our very recent experience that our daughter did come home and actually talk to us about the little boy that asked her out… she did this before telling him yes. We asked all of our questions, who is he, what do you know about him, how old is he, what kind of grades does he get and is he involved in any school activities. Most of the questions we had she did not have the answer to. So we told her that these are things she should really know before telling him yes.

4. Before the “first date” practice with your child so they are comfortable. Discuss proper social behavior, and answer any questions that might come up, from tipping to drinking and everything in between. Be a listener. Most young people have access to cell phones, let your child know that you are always just a phone call away, and will not judge them for calling you.

I have to admit that this is really a tip that we overlooked. We assumed that based on the way our daughter was raised she would know how to act. Well, high school apparently overrides many of lessons they are taught throughout their early life. She did have this boy come over, we did meet him… I was shocked at how close they sat to each other, the fact that they cuddled on the couch. Bare with me here, they had only been "dating" for a week! When I asked her about the way she was with him her response, "That's how I thought couples acted." When I asked her where in the world she got that idea, "That is what the couples at school do."

I had to explain to her that she and this boy had only been dating for a week. That was not appropriate behavior for a relationship so young or with someone she barely knew.

5. We enjoy giving gifts to people we love, so do our children. Encourage them to gift appropriately. A twelve year old probably should not be giving jewelry, and clothing items or other intimate and expensive gifts. Posters and music are better choices, as are other hobby items. These gifts do not make the relationship money or body oriented.

6. Parents need to be aware of the amount of time and energy being put into the romance. If your child begins to neglect school and other previously enjoyed activities it is probably too intense. Talk with them about keeping balance, and if necessary, impose limits.

7. Most first romances do not lead to marriage. There are often breakups and heartache. Be there, continuing to communicate, and help your teen see that this is not the end of their world, but is a chance to grow and become a caring adult. Celebrate this stage of their growing up.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

S-T-R-E-S-S – Helping Your Teen Deal

by Stephanie Partridge

Our kids are stressed.  Study after study is confirming this, citing a wide range of stress related complications such as sleep problems, anxiety, depression and eating disorders.  Our kids are growing up in a world that is much more stressful than the one we knew as teens.  And it is having a significant impact on them.

My kids have expressed to me the various stressors that they have in their lives.  My daughter, who is 17, will be graduating in June.  She is looking at colleges right now.  While she seems to take everything in stride, she has, from time to time, talked to me about the stress she is under.  School, grades and finding a good college are all areas that cause her worry.  Her teachers adore her and her grades are exceptional, she is even in college prep courses that she loves, but she admits to feeling stressed out sometimes.

My 15 year old son, on the other hand, tends to show his stress more.  He has a learning disability which makes an already stressful classroom situation even more difficult.  He does well in school and is very popular, but he worries about everything.  He won’t broach the subject, but we all spend time in the evenings talking as a family and many times those worries rise to the surface.  He worries about me, about my health, about the fact that I am “alone” (despite my telling him that I am very happy being single), about our finances (I have a good job, but what little child support I get is sporadic at best) and so many other things.  He worries about school, his sister, his friends.  Sometimes even I am overwhelmed.

The holidays can be a stressful time for many people – and teens are no exception.

But the only way I learn about these worries and the stress that my children are under is to listen.  I open the floor, give them a safe place to talk and then I shut up and listen.  I learn so much about them.

Sometimes as parents the best thing we can do for our kids is to just listen.

Lori Lite, creator of Stress Free Kids (stressfreekids.com) recognized the devastating effects of stress in kids, prompting her to develop techniques to relieve stress in kids, namely her own three.  Now, her books, curriculum's and CDs are used by parents, teachers, therapists and others who work with children.  Her audio book and CD series, Indigo Dreams, has been presented with the CNE Award of Excellence.

In “Tips for Taming Teenage Stress,” Lite recognized the importance of parental involvement when it comes to teens and stress:

“This teenage stress has never been more prevalent. Teenagers are living ever-more complex lives in a society that increasingly treats them as younger adults.  It is as important as it’s ever been, then, for parents to recognize the causes of teen stress and to take measures to relieve or combat it.”

Some of the things that teens worry about and that cause them stress, Lite says, include:

• Grades
• Tests
• Homework
• Peer Pressure
• Sports Achievements
• Peers
• Military
• College
• Work Load
• Extra Curricular Activities
• Relationships
• Divorcing or Single Parents
• Fallout from the Current Recession such as fear of their parents losing their jobs, losing their home, not having the money to meet even basic needs
• Time Management

According to Lite, even seemingly simple things like opening lockers and getting lost on campus causes teens to worry and get stressed out.

She offers these seven tips for parents who want to help their own teens deal with the stress in their lives:

Create an Air of Calm
Remember that stress is contagious, but so is calm. Demonstrate relaxation and positive statements in your parenting routine.

Talk
Talk to your teen. Figure out when their guard is most likely to be down.

Meet Them on Their Terms
Stay up and have a late night snack with your teen. Teens may more talkative at night and in the kitchen .

Share Your own Experiences
Tell stories about challenges you have had as a teen and how you handled it. Make sure to share the mistakes you made. Teens are more likely to share their challenges after a story than a direct question.

Set Boundaries
Give your teens more freedom, but keep clear boundaries. A teen without rules is a teen with much stress.

Spend Time With Your Teen
Schedule downtime with your teen. Go pumpkin picking, horseback riding. Take them out of their usual environment. You’ll be surprised how your teen will let their walls down doing something outdoors.

Listen and Respond
Pay attention to what you say to your teen. Take a break from criticizing and correcting. Make a choice to give a compliment everyday.

Lite also stresses the importance of parents recognizing legitimate stress for what it is.  Too often, she says, parents mistake real stress in a teen for the “typical” teen emotional volatility.  They brush it off, saying they are “just being a teen” when, in fact their child is suffering under the burden of real stress.  Some indicators of stress, says Lite, include:

• Easily Agitated
• Overactive
• Confused
• Afraid
• Angry
• Sad
• Anxious
• Withdrawn
• Preoccupation with a Traumatic Event
• Withdrawal from Family and Friends
• Sleep Disturbances
• Other Physical Complaints

My own kids tend to have issues with their appetite and it is often combined with stomach upset.  When one of my children is complaining of an upset stomach, indigestion, acid reflux or stomach ache, I begin looking into what is going on in their lives as well as any physical illness that they may have.  More often than not, these issues can be tied back to stress.

And stress in a teen can be just as damaging, if not more so, as in an adult.

Lite also supports teenagers taking control of their stress and learning how to manage their own stress levels.  Parents, she says, should encourage the behavior and guide their teens.  She suggests that they make a homework plan and schedule some downtime as opposed to over-scheduling.  Eating healthy and exercising regularly are also great stress busters for teens and adults alike.  Teens should also get plenty of sleep – something that doesn’t usually happen with the “typical” teen.  But lack of sleep can really hurt a teen and an increase in their stress level is just one effect.

This is a time in a teen’s life when parental support is not only important, but crucial to their teen’s development.  Parents should support and encourage their children, helping them to relieve their stress whenever possible and however necessary.

Biography
Stephanie Partridge: I am a mom, not just to my three terrific teenagers, but to the entire neighborhood! On any given weekend we may have as many as 9 or more kids (not including my three) staying over at our house – and they all call me Mom. LOL
I am also blessed with a wonderful husband who married us all and moved into the dad role with an ease that is awe inspiring. We live in Baton Rouge, Louisiana with our three pit bulls, Chihuahua (who rules the house) and two cats. I am currently pursuing a psychology degree so that I can counsel young people and incorporate therapy dogs into my practice.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

by Joy Burgess

If you have a teen in your home, at some point they probably will want to get a job. Of course, there are some things you are going to have to do to prepare them to go out there in the work force. Teens need good preparation for a job at home, great ideas for jobs, and tips for actually landing that job. You can help your teen to make the transition to a working teen, which is not always as easy as teens may think. It is even more difficult to land jobs in this struggling economy, which is something your teen needs to understand. Here is a closer look at how you can your teen can prepare, find, and land a good job, even during tough times.

Preparing Your Teen for Their First Job

The first step in the job process for you and your teen is to start preparing your teen for their first job. It's not easy to step into employment from being a carefree teenager. However, you can make this a process that is smoother for them with some simple preparation.

Analyze Their Interest: One thing you can do to prepare your teen for a job is analyze the interest that they have. If they have some interests in a particular job, consider helping them find a volunteer position so that they can see what it is like. This also will give them a taste of keeping a schedule that balances school, work, homework, and family and friends.

Make Sure They are Responsible at Home: Another thing that you can do to make sure they are well prepared on the job is to make sure they are responsible at home. Ensure that your child is handling their responsibilities at home. If they are not able to keep up with home responsibilities, your teen probably is not ready to handle the responsibilities that come with balancing a job, school, and more.

Teach Them About Handling Money: This is the perfect time to teach your teen about handling money. If they are going to make money, you want them to handle it in a responsible manner. Consider helping them open a bank account, teach them the basics about keeping up a checkbook, and make sure they know about saving money and how important it is.

Great Job Ideas for Teens

Not sure what jobs are great for teens today? It's a good idea to know what jobs are out there for teens. Here is a look at some great job ideas that your teen may be interest in.

Job Idea #1 – Babysitting: One idea for a teen job is babysitting. Many teens are at the age where they are responsible enough to watch younger children. They may be able to get a job with neighbors or other people you know. If babysitting in someone's home isn't an option you like, working at a daycare is another good option.

Job Idea #2 – Tutoring Younger Students: Is your teen interested in teaching and gifted in their studies? If so, tutoring younger students may be a great option. Check with your schools to see if they have a program that your teen can get involved in as a tutor.

Job Idea #3 – Zoo or Veterinarian Jobs: For teens that love animals, both zoo and veterinarian jobs are great options. Often the zoos will hire teens to help trainers with animals and veterinarian's often need assistants that need little training.

Job Idea #4 – Hospital Job Opportunities: There are a variety of hospital job opportunities, which are great options for teens interested in the medical profession. Check with local hospitals to see what opportunities are available.

Job Idea #5 – Cashier Jobs: Many stores have cashier jobs available and are willing to hire teens.

Tips to help your Teen Landing their first Job

Even though your teen is young and probably doesn't have much experience, there are things that they can do to help them land the job that they want. With the economy today and so many people out of work, the competition is tougher than ever. However, the following are some helpful tips that can help your teen to land the job they want.

Tip #1 – Start Out with a Good Resume: Yes, even teens applying for their first job need to have a resume. Since they don't have job experience, extracurricular activities, volunteering, and awards can be put on the resume to show their dedication and dependability. References can come from teachers as well.

Tip #2 – Be Ready for the Job Interview: Your teen needs to be ready for the job interview as well. Drill your teen on common questions that are asked in interviews. Help them to relax and let them know they should just be themselves during the interview. Showing their personality, being respectful, and showing their commitment can help them land the job.

Tip #3 – Keep in Contact: After that interview, don't let your teen just blow things off. If they really want that job, they need to contact the company. Have them call if they have not heard something after a couple days to say they are really interested in the job and ready to work. That contact may land them the job.

Although the economy is in a tough period, it still is possible for teens to find quality jobs. However, this will take some preparation. If you work to prepare your teen for the job, help them find a good job idea, and then give them the right tips for landing the job, this can be a good experience for both of you.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © and All Rights Reserved

Teen Girl Obsessing on Scale

The way that your teen sees and views himself or herself is integral to their self esteem. You should not dismiss or overlook your child's body image, especially if it is negative, as just a "phase." While it is true that just about every child experiences times where they feel that they are too fat, too skinny, too tall or too short, but when it begins to affect other aspects of their life, it is time to take action. There is a fine line and sometimes it can be difficult to spot a negative body image, but if you know what you are looking for, you can spot it and catch it before things get out of hand.

Spot the Signals of Poor Body Image

Poor body image is often connected to depression, but it can two different ways. The depression can be a result of the poor body image, or it can be the cause. Some signals are very obvious, but others may be more subtle. A smile can fool you so don't discount someone who laughs off things all the time. Humor can be a weapon to hide true pain and insecurity. A child who seems to constantly feel "fat" or "ugly" may have a problem with body image. Listen to the child remain aware of what they are saying as well as showing you.

The Sad Little Girl

Girls seem to have more of an issue with body image than boys and the media plays up girls' obsessions with body image more than they do boys. However, a girl with a poor body image can end up with an eating disorder or unhealthy eating habits such as crash dieting or fasting. Even the bubbly, giggle girl can be quite troubled down deep inside. Look into her eyes and listen to her words. You can often pick up on subtle hints at a sadness or discontent with the way that she looks. Read her writing assignments at school and things that she writes at home. Those can be quite revealing.

Boys feel it Too

Boys can have poor body image too. Boys may show signs similar to girls, but you may notice more of a withdrawal socially. Watch your child for the clues that may reveal that he does not feel good about his appearance.

Take Action

The media is full of negative messages about how girls and guys should look. The magazine racks at the supermarket are riddled with photos and stories blasting this actress or that celebrity for having a little cellulite or for not looking absolutely perfect in a bikini. These are dangerous messages that our children are receiving, but they are out there and our children are exposed to them daily. As a parent, you can combat those negative messages by teaching your child healthy eating habits, encouraging them to exercise daily (works twofold: keeps them fit and raises the mood) and helping them have confidence in their abilities and in themselves. But there may be a time where the problem is too great and you may need to seek professional help for your child. Whatever you do, do not hesitate! Get your child the help that they need. Most of all, though, just love them with all your heart and let them know it.

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by Stephanie Partridge

Technology is the proverbial dual edged sword.  On the one hand, it makes our lives so much easier by connecting us with information from a variety of places without requiring us to leave our homes.  It connects us with people who are across the world and makes communication almost instantaneous.  On the other hand, it separates us from other humans and we can easily find ourselves isolated from real life human contact.  It can promote a sedentary lifestyle and even take the place of books.  But there are hidden dangers to extended computer use that most parents aren't even aware of and it is impacting their own children and teenagers.

Recent statistics, coming from several different studies, show teens are spending anywhere from 11 hours a month online to 33 hours a month.  Social networks have overtaken email by just a hair, while texting is a preferred mode of communication.  Bottom line, teens are spending a lot of time on the computer and this concerns Dr. Jennifer Austin Leigh, or "Dr. Jenn."

Dr. Jenn is the founder and CEO of Honor the Gril LLC, an organization that is designed to teach compassionate parenting skills to mothers, enabling them to be more effective in raising their daughters.  With a doctorate in psychology and mother of four, Dr. Jenn has a private practice in New York and has authored several books aimed at helping teen girls navigate the often confusing, scary waters of boys, relationships and growing up.  Her website, http://www.parentingteengirls.com, offers practical, sound advice to both parents and teens.  One of her greatest concerns is the amount of time teens are spending on the computer – and the impact that it is having on them.

"There are both good and bad found in the use of social networking sites, "says Dr. Jenn.  "The harm I am most concerned about is the 'dehumanizing' of people and the negative effects that it seems to be having on face to face relationships."

This "dehumanizing effect" is every bit as scary as it sounds.  Research conducted and published by Stanford University, indicates that our brains are being not only affected, but actually altered as a result of frequent computer use.  The human brain processes information differently when that information comes from a computer.  This altered form of processing actually erodes the brain's hardwired ability to read the facial expressions of people.  And there is grave danger that can come from this.

Reading facial expressions is a fundamental aspect of our social interactions.  It guides us as we communicate with each other.  But some folks seem to "check out" of the whole communication process.  Instead of focusing on one thing, they are constantly skimming multiple sources of information.  Researchers call this continuous partial attention, or CPA.  Possessing the ability to accurately read facial expressions lays the foundation for empathy.  It nurtures and enables the connections to occur between humans.  CPA inhibits this and that is a problem.

The teen brain is immature.  The human brain does not fully mature until the person is in their late twenties.  Teenagers use a completely different area of their brains to read facial expressions, the limbic region.  In the mature brain, the prefrontal cortex does the work.  But because the teen brain is undeveloped and they are using the more primitive region of the brain, their ability to read facial expressions is already skewed.  Most of the time they simply do not do it correctly.  They are already misreading people and when this is combined with CPA, real trouble begins to brew.

Children need regular interaction with real humans, real children, not just images on a computer screen.  So many of our children are living in a virtual world where email and instant messages take the place of face to face conversations.  Text messaging is preferred over a telephone call.  They are not exposed to voices, inflections in tone, facial expressions and body language.  In short, our children are missing out on the great growth experiences that come from a real life connection with a three dimensional, real life person.

While social networks, email and the internet do help keep kids connected and exposes them to a vast amount of information, there are downsides in addition to causing CPA.  Dr. Jenn explains,

"There are other problems with social networks such as too much information that teens share, ostracism, mean cruel remarks, increased bravado due to no immediate consequences to things that are written and a sense of 'its all about me!' Social networks are thought to be part of the ongoing trend that is creating the career desire 'to be famous.' A few years ago research showed teens said they wanted to be pilots or doctors, now the majority claim they want to be 'famous' but don't specify for what. Social networks give our teens a chance to star in their own lives, so to speak, on line. They create their own reality shows!  Not the best thing for a teen to be doing. More and more outrageous behavior is needed to keep people's attention and the spotlight."

Facebook alone garners more than one billion seconds a day as people log on and enter a virtual world that is much easier to control – but less healthy if not balanced with regular face to face interaction and other activities that engaged different areas of the brain.

"Also, social networks keep our kids from doing what would really help their brain growth…… PLAY!" Says Dr. Jenn, "Yes, play grows the brain in healthy ways!!"

So, what can parents do?  In my home, I have set limits on how much time my teens can spend on the computer.  We don't really have much of a problem, but I raised my kids with a strong emphasis placed on reading books, visiting the library, spending time with friends, pursuing creative endeavors such as music, writing and art and talking together as a family.  We do not watch television.  In fact, we don't even have cable.  We watch DVDs (very, very little beyond a PG-13), cook together and play board games like Outburst, Scattergories and Diploma Dogs.

If your child is already hooked on the computer and social networks, it may be a little more difficult to wean him or her off, but it isn't impossible.  The thing to remember is when you take them off of the computer, fill that space of time with something constructive and positive like doing something with a friend, doing something with you, reading a book or doing something creative.  Take that time as an opportunity to engage them and enrich them.  You can turn it around.

Biography
Stephanie Partridge is a freelance writer and photographer as well as a FOIA analyst for a federal agency in Washington, D.C. She is a single mom to Jeffery, 19; Micah Elizabeth, 17 and Benjamin, 15. She is also the author of the ebook, “Diet is a Dirty Word.”

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © 2009 All Rights Reserved

by Joy Burgess

Are there things you may not have said recently that your child may need to hear?

We are generally aware of what we say to our teens.  We try to be positive, not use negative language, try to speak clearly so that there is no question about what you are trying to communicate to them.  But did you ever think about what you don't say to your teen?  Are there things that you aren't saying to your teen that they want or need to hear?  "What do you wish your parents would say to you?"  This was the provocative question posed on the website Words are Powerful: The Love Project.

The answers ranged from simple to complex, from funny to heartbreaking, but through it all, a pattern emerged.  There are some consistent things that children not only want, but need to hear from their parents.  Words are powerful, but the words we don't say can be just as powerful.  Just because you think it, does not mean that your child automatically knows it, or doesn't need to hear it.

Have you said these ten things to your child recently?

1) I love you

Of course you love your child, no doubt about it, but when was the last time you actually said it?  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we are doing in our jobs, in our personal lives, in our relationships that we forget to say the obvious but important things.  Don't take it for granted that your child knows that you love him or her.  Say it.  Sometimes they just need to hear the words.

2) I am proud of you

There are things about your child that make you proud.  Maybe they have a gentle, giving heart or maybe they have an exceptional artistic ability.  Find at least one thing in your child that you are proud of and let them know about it.  When you talk about your child to others, what do you say?  What elements about him or her do you mention, even brag about to others?  If you find that you are only seeing the negative, then it is a good time to find something positive, something good.  Then let them know about it.  You might be surprised in the attitude change that a simple "I am proud of you" can bring.

3) I support you in the things you want to do in your life

Your teen is not you.  They have different likes and dislikes, they have different interests.  To many teens, the feeling that they are not recognized as individuals is very real – and very frustrating.  Maybe they grew up in a family of lawyers, but they want to be a writer.  Maybe they feel drawn to a different religion or lifestyle.  Maybe they grew up in a large family with lots of kids, but have chosen to only have one or two children when they "grow up" and start a family.  Whatever the differences are, there is usually at least some anxiety involved when they tell you about it.  As a loving, supportive parent, just saying "I support you in the things you want to do in your life" can make all the difference.

4) I believe in you

The teen years are uncertain times.  Your child may not feel so sure that they are going to succeed.  Do you take the time to remind your child that you believe that they can do whatever they set out to do?  Do you offer them your support and faith in them?  When was the last time you told your child "I believe in you" or that you believe they can succeed?  Now may be the time.

5) I am sorry

No one wants to admit that they were wrong.  Sometimes "I am sorry" is the hardest thing to say.  But even though you are the parent, it does not mean that you are immune to blunders or making wrong decisions.  When you are wrong, admit it.  It will not undermine your position as parent in your child's eyes, rather, it will earn you some respect as they see that you are big enough to admit that you were wrong, that you can own up to your mistakes and that you respect them and their feelings enough to reach out and say "I am sorry."

6) You're a good person

Kids need to know that their parents think highly of them and approve of them.  Telling them that they are good, sweet, kind, smart and other positive things will help to build their self esteem and strengthen your relationship with them.  Children are no different from adults in that they strongly desire and need approval from the people who are closest to them.  They need to know that their parents think highly of them and respect them.  Take the time to tell your child positive things that you observe about them.  Everyone has some good in them and even if your teen is "difficult," you can certainly find a positive attribute to highlight.

7) It's OK to love your mom/dad

When a couple divorces, the children are often left in a wake of bitterness and conflict.  Many times, a child feels torn between the two parents, feeling as if he or she has to show loyalty to one by shutting out the other.  This is a terribly confusing and painful time for a child.  Even if you don't voice your disdain for your former spouse, your feelings are often transmitted to your child.  Children are sensitive to their parents' emotions.  Don't think that just because you don't actually say anything negative about your former spouse that your child doesn't pick up on or perceive your negative feelings.  Give them permission, tell them, "It's OK to love your mom/dad."

I accept you

Teens need to feel accepted by their parents.  They may not always act like it.  In fact, they may even do and say things to make you believe the exact opposite.  The truth is, though, they need and want your approval and acceptance.   Acceptance is that unconditional love, that knowledge that no matter what they do or say, you will always love them, just as they are.  Just those simple words can mean a great deal.  Let your teen know, "I accept you."

9) I didn't mean it

It happens to pretty much everyone at one time or another, you say something that you didn't mean.  It was cutting; it was cruel.  You know that it really hurt the other person's feelings, but what do you do when it is your child?  Some parents don't think that they need to go back and apologize for words spoken in anger or frustration.  They don't think that they need to let their child know that they did not mean what was said.  That is a grave mistake.  If you say something to your child and then wish you hadn't, just suck it up, apologize and say "I didn't mean it."

10) You are important/special

This is one of the "biggies."  You might think that your child is important or special, but how many times have you actually told them that you feel that way?  Again, saying the words can have a huge impact on your child's self esteem as well as your relationship with your child.  Hug your child (even your teenager!) and tell him or her that they are important, that they are special.  It only takes a minute, but it will make a difference.

These things may seem small, but to the people who need to hear these things, they are huge.  Take the time to say the words.  Actions are important, but the words need to be heard too.   Maybe you and your teen can take the time to visit Words are Powerful: The Love Project at wordsarepowerful.wordpress.com.  Read what others have written, maybe add your own thoughts, most of all, though, let it open up a line of communication between you and your child.  Discuss what they want to hear from you, what they need to hear.  Then make an effort to give that to your child.  Give them the gift of your words, powerful and true.

You may also want to check out a couple other articles on how the words we use affect our kids:  The Power of Words and Your Child and Words that Empower.

Biography:
Joy Burgess is 28 year old wife and step mom, currently living in Arizona. Her family includes her husband, step son, step daughter, and dog, Chewy. Along with being a full time step mom, Joy also works full time as a writer and musician. Hobbies and interests include scrapbooking, gardening, playing the piano, cooking, and finding a few spare moments of quiet time alone.

No part of this article may be copied or reproduced in any form without the express permission of More4Kids Inc © All Rights Reserved