Parenting at More4kids » Sports

Inspirational Moment – One Legged Child Baseball Player

More4kids — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:46:13 +0000

Every so often in life there is an event, person, or even a child that inspires you and give you a kick in the backside! The story of Adam Bender really challenges the assumptions of what is possible. A cancer survivor, his left leg was amputated at age one. However, that did not stop him from loving sports and competing as he grew.

Every time Adam plays it helps inspire and challenge our assumptions as to what is really possible. The next time you feel there is something you can't do, I hope you will think of this video, I know I will. Here it is:

Kids and Sports: Eight Strategies to Teach Kids How to Handle Disappointment and Lose like a Winner

More4kids — Tue, 05 May 2009 01:40:17 +0000

Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.

www.freeingyourchild.com

It’s after April 15, the taxes are in the mail, and now it’s time to tackle the real challenge of spring — little league. Well, not exactly, but all over the country, kids of all ages are gearing up for the new season of sports from little tikes, to varsity players. Parents are approaching this rite of childhood with a combination of excitement and dread as they ponder the impending vicissitudes: the thrill of success, and the agony of defeat—not the euphemism, the real deal— registering in every fiber of their child’s being and right there for everyone to see.

Kids may start out with the best intentions and grip on their emotions picture— the Norman Rockwell crack of the bat, roar of the crowds— but with the first error (or perceived error) things degenerate quickly and it’s Jackson Pollock on a bad day. There’s the pre-game freak out, the post-game melt down, the throwing down of the glove, bat, or whatever the case may be, followed by the “I hate everything, everything stinks, I quit” self-recrimination rant that occurs once the doors auto-shut on the mini-van.

Why is it that some kids can’t lose? Is it the parents, über focused on getting them on a Division One team in college, whose pressure makes it impossible for kids to accept anything else but beyond the best? While there is no doubt that those success-crazed parents gone wild don’t help and need to be benched themselves, usually they only broadcast in stereo the message going through a child’s own mind: winning is everything; losing is the end of the world as we know it.

It’s also clear that our culture is out of whack, witness the 5:00 am sports practices, travel tournaments for 2^nd graders, and cut-throat competition for all. While rectifying these variables will certainly improve the outcome, it will not eliminate the problem of kids who fall apart in the face of defeat. Especially since many of these kids fall apart even with just the anticipation of defeat. So losing isn’t the real disaster for these kids, their relationship to losing, is the disaster.

We have all been witness to the poor sports and in those moments we thank goodness it’s somebody else’s kid freaking out this time and not ours. But if you’re a parent, chances are your number will come up, and you will be that family too. Until you can help your child change the news feed in his/her mind about what just happened, no reassurance or tough love will be a match for the wrath or despair of your miserable girl or boy in cleats.

What’s it all about? Are kids being bratty sore losers, or is there call for compassion?

No one likes to lose, but for some kids losing isn’t a superficial scratch on the ego, it goes deep. In fact the reason why some kids have trouble losing is that they can’t hold on to who they were before the loss; instead, no matter how many successes they had under their belt, the loss transforms them irrevocably into a loser. It’s as if each game is a gamble where they put all their chips on the table, and if they lose, they’re cleaned out of all of their assets. If this is starting to sound like some of the adults you know, including yourself, read on, the solutions are pretty much one size fits all.

The secret to a successful season isn’t just choking up on the bat, getting your stance right, swing and repeat… it’s building up your muscle to lift yourself out of disappointment, and quickly. Even if your child is putting in hours everyday practicing, the way that he or she is going to succeed in sports (and in life) is to make friends with, or at least not be mortal enemies with, losing.

In sports more than any other arena, losing is a built-in. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s the other team, but it shouldn’t come as a surprise. And yet, for many kids, it’s like they never saw it coming and it knocks them flat on the ground. The more that kids can re-think what it means to lose, the more they will be resilient athletes—not only bouncing back from disappointments, but coming back stronger, because they’ve made use of what went wrong to improve— for the next time— what they can do right.

These strategies will help your child maintain perspective when there are those disturbances in the field and put the bounce back in the ball, and in your child’s spirit.

1. Empathize, Empathize, Empathize! Though it’s tempting to rush in and reassure or correct your child’s thoughts and feelings (by saying, don’t feel that way, don’t say that, that’s not true!), this will only make kids get more upset because rightfully so, they feel you haven’t heard them. Instead reflect what they are saying, “this feels like the worst day of your life,” or, “you feel like you’re the worst player.” Empathizing doesn’t mean agreeing with their conclusions, it means accepting that this is your child’s state at this moment. By hearing his or her thoughts played back, children are often able to move beyond the feelings and recognize how they are different from the facts, “I feel that way, but I know it’s not true.”

2. Lower the Stakes not the Standards: Separate your Child’s Value from the Outcome of the Game. Your child’s value as a human being isn’t at stake every time he steps on the field (it only feels that way to him), his value is a permanent possession. Don’t dispense with the importance of playing well, but dispense with the inaccurate interpretation of what it means to lose: ask your child what it means to him if he loses, and then ask him to think what it really means in life. What is the interpretation that the coach has? The other players? Even MVPs lose games and strike out—lots of games, lots of strike outs. It doesn’t mean you are a loser or even a bad player, it’s one moment in time. The outcome of the game is temporary and changeable, your value, permanent and only will improve with effort.

3. Find the Wins within the Losses and Learn from the Mistakes: While every game or event has winners and losers, the real loss is when your child doesn’t give credit where credit is due. Ask your child what went well. Don’t let her dispense with the credit just because it is easy for her. While your child is critical of the one thing she did wrong, she will be dismissing and devaluing the things they did well, because in the all or none game, if you can’t do it all, you lose. Not so. Look at professional athletes, the best hitters have the most errors, the best basketball players can’t master the free shots.

Help make the crisis an opportunity for learning how to improve: have your child analyze like a detective what went wrong and see if there are things to make it happen differently next time (practicing a particular skill, staying focused on the game).

4. Separate the Feelings from the Facts and Ditch the Absolutes: When we’re upset our feelings are extreme, fortunately the facts are not. Best way to point this out is to simply reflect back what your child says and remind him that feelings are strong at first, but they pass; they don’t last forever. So, if your child says: “Everyone is better!” you say, “It feels like everyone is better than you—is that what you really think is true, or just how you are feeling right now?”

Listen and help your child correct the absolutes: “everyone is better” becomes “some people play better, some don’t”, “I never do anything right,” becomes, “I usually play well, this was a tough game.” “I stink at everything” becomes I am strong in pitching, I need to practice my fielding more.

5. Identify the Outlier: When perfectionistic kids make a mistake they assume that error redefines their life, starts a new trend for them as a loser. Help them see that exceptions here and there do not make a new rule, separate their baseline playing from the outliers or exceptions that are going to occur.

6. Identify Where Your Child is On the Learning Curve: Ask your child when she started to learn how to _______. Think through with your child about how long it will take to learn a new skill and how she will know when she has mastered it. Ask your child to draw a curve and make an X to denote her current position.

7. Control What You Can: Set Your Own Personal Goal: Help your child go into a game with one or two ideas about what she wants to do differently in this game, that way regardless of the outcome of the game, your child can circle back to the goals and see how she did with the part she could control.

8. Bring in the Pros: How Would Your Favorite Player Narrate the Story? Identify with your child one or several athletes who they look up to and “ask” (imagine) what they would say about a tough game. Imagine or research how they have dealt with their own challenging games. Every sport has examples of winners who also lose, this is the norm. Take Ryan Howard, first basemen of the Phillies, who won MVP in 2006. In that year he had more home runs and RBIs than any other player in major league baseball, AND, had 199 strikeouts in 2007, the all time strikeout mark for a hitter in a season! If Ryan were telling the story, he’d probably say, don’t let those losses get in the way of your success!

We all want to protect our kids from disappointment, but the more that kids can see that disappointments are survivable, ordinary moments of life, the less they will stumble and get stuck. Children will not only be more resilient and more willing to get in there and play, they will probably play better because they are not doing battle with themselves on the field (let alone how much more pleasant the rides home will be).

© Tamar Chansky, 2009, adapted from Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness, DaCapo, 2008. Permission to reproduce with full citation only.

Developing Your Childs Talents and Interests

More4kids — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 02:56:24 +0000

Studies show that when kids have interests outside of school and when they are allowed to develop their talents, they are much less likely to have academic problems, social problems and get in trouble. The question is how do you help to identify those talents and interests. What's more, how do you develop those talents and interests? There are some things to keep in mind when you are trying to develop talents and interests in your child, try these tips.

Keep an Open Mind

When it comes to interests, there is a whole, wide, wonderful world to investigate. Perhaps you have a child who love to look at the night sky. Try introducing them to astronomy. If your child seems to have a talent for art, try encouraging them to draw. Look for things that they seem to love and things they are good at, but keep an open mind. Be prepared to accept talents and interests that may not be conventional, then educate yourself on various avenues of exploration.

Allow your Child to Dream
Dreaming is a wonderful way to find about your child's talents and interests. Open up conversations where you encourage them to dream and think about the "what ifs" in life. What do they want to be? What do they want to do? From lawyer to lion tamer, no dream is too extreme. If they talk about acting, encourage them to pursue study and practice in that area. Let them open up and dream, the real world can wait for a while.

Use Videos and DVDs

When you hit on something that interests your child, find some videos and DVDs on the subject. Look in the documentary section of your local video rental store or library and find some videos on the subject or subjects that your child enjoys. You may want to view the material before you allow your kids to watch it, just to make sure that you don't expose them to subject matter that you feel may be inappropriate.

Buy Books

Your local book store and library can be a treasure trove of material to help develop your child's talents and interests. You can find books on how to draw, how to paint, how to write songs and much more. Be creative and don't be afraid to expand a subject because at the same time you will be expanding your child's mind. An interest in animals can lead to veterinary medicine, dog grooming and animal shelter worker. An interest in music can lead to singing in a rock band, playing in a symphony or teaching music to elementary school students. Once again, no dream is too extreme.

Use the Internet

Of course the internet can provide you with volumes of information on whatever interests your child, but did you also know it can help you expand the scope? If you go to a keyword research site you can see related keywords and this can be topics that you may introduce to your child to broaden their interests and talents.

Find Activities to Support their Interests
If you can afford classes for your child, you may want to invest in them to help cultivate their interests and talents. However, there are often many activities in the community that can also serve to educate and inspire. For a child who is interested in the stars, visit a planetarium. A child who loves animals will probably enjoy visiting the zoo. If your teen loves music, take him or her to concert. Children learn by doing so get out there and let them experience the things that interest them. They may turn into passions.

Be Flexible

Be flexible when developing your child's interests and talents. You never know what may develop out of it. Just because you don't enjoy music does not mean that your child won't enjoy it. Be flexible enough to help your child pursue interests that may not be your own. Your child is not an extension of you, they have their own interests. Allow your child to be freedom to be their own person. Give them the gift of your flexibility that will allow them to soar.

Be Supportive

While all of these things are indeed ways to support your child's interests and talents, there is more. Give them your attention. It is easy to sit a child in front of the television or computer. It is simple to stick a book in their hand or send them off to art camp. What is not simple is sitting down on their bed and saying "Can I see what you have been writing?" or "Would you please show me your drawings?" or even "So, you want to be in a metal core band, can you put on a CD so I can see what it is like?" Taking the time to reach out to your child on their terms, on their level, will mean more to them than all the books and DVDs in the world. It all starts with just three little words, "Can we talk?"

Is Yoga Good For Kids?

More4kids Inc. — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 05:30:34 +0000

Yoga for kids? Absolutely! The slow, flowing motions not only builds flexibility but takes a lot of concentation and can help slow a young mind down. It can help you child acheive balance in their young lives. Almost every children experiences stress with homework; pressure to compete with other children as well as non-stop after-school activities and over scheduling. All this can make for a very hectic lifestyle. Kids today, like their parents, are turning to yoga for both health and relaxation. Yoga for kids is a means of helping them to develop better body awareness, controlling themselves, and flexibility as well as coordination. Kids may be able to carry the yoga skills they learn beyond class and into their normal everyday routines.

Strong and Confident as Warriors

Yoga for kids may also help hyperactive as well as attention deficit children who may be craving for movement as well as sensory/motor stimulus and by learning yoga for kids; it helps them channel these impulses in a positive manner. Especially good yoga for kids are the postures that seem to instill calm, confidence as well as balance in them and these are known as the warrior pose and the tree pose. The kids however, need to go beyond just performing the posture and also need to understand the meaning of the posture and to become like the posture – strong and confident as a warrior should be. Partner poses may also be taught to the kids to help them develop trust.

Some children may not be able to close their eyes and relax while others can’t seem to get enough and so yoga for kids should inculcate in them visualization and imagining that they are at a beach playing their favorite sport in order to get them to relax. Yoga for kids may also try the approach of teaching the kids a guided visualization that has a calming theme in order to instill a sense of peace as well as help them feel an oneness with nature. The child should also be encouraged to give their own input and their ideas and questions should be addressed to help them to get all the benefits of yoga for kids.

To introduce yoga for kids there are also books that are unique and fun to read and which are suited for young children. One such book is Yoga Bear: Yoga for youngsters, which can be read by two to six year old kids and which includes photos, delightful color illustrations of Yoga Bear and also has instructions for parents. The book retails for about $16 and can be read as a rhyming book or be used by parents along with the child.

Yoga is a fun and relaxing activity that can be a great sport alternative, or can suppliment your childs sports to add balance to their lives and perhaps even increase performance due to their increased concentation and flexibility that comes natually with learning this ancient art form.

Getting Your Child Started In Sports

More4kids — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 10:00:50 +0000

by Stacey Schifferdecker

Once upon a time, in a backyard just down the street, children spent their afternoons and Saturdays playing baseball or kickball with a rock for third base and imaginary runners filling out too-small teams. Now, children can join organized sports teams as young as age 4 and take baby ball lessons even earlier. While such activities can give children a head start on lifelong fitness, parents need to think carefully about what age to enroll their children in sports and what sport to choose.

The best time to sign your children up for a sport is when they express an interest in playing. That way, you know your child really wants to participate. In addition, most children really aren’t ready for organized sports until around age six. Younger children are still working on mastering basic movements. For them, running, playing catch, and riding a tricycle are great choices. If you want to enroll in a class, try something like a tumbling or swimming class specially aimed at youngsters. Above all, set a good example by practicing fitness yourself.

If you have a favorite sport, share it with your children and maybe they’ll catch the bug too. Keep in mind, though, that the best sports for all kids are one they enjoy. So if they really want to play soccer, start learning about corner kicks, even if you were the star pitcher of your baseball team. Of course, you should encourage your kids to try different sports, especially when they are young. Focusing intently on one sport at a young age tends to lead to injuries and burn-out. Also don’t just focus on team sports; individual sports like gymnastics, running, tennis, martial arts, swimming, and wrestling are all great exercise too.

Once you and your children have settled on a sport, you need to choose a league. For young children, look for a league that emphasizes safety and participation. All children should get to play every game and should get to rotate positions. Once children are 11 or 12, they may be ready for more competition, but you still want a coach who stresses safety, teamwork, and fairness rather than winning at all costs.

You should also check out how often the team will be practicing. Some children’s sports teams practice four days a week—this is too much for children! Practicing once or twice a week for 60-90 minutes is enough.

As a sport parent, you also have an important role: to attend as many games and practices as possible, to be a good sport, and to be encouraging and positive. Emphasize fun, teamwork, effort, and improvement, not winning. In addition, you should not be coaching from the sidelines or criticizing the referees. If you feel the coach is not treating your child fairly, talk to the coach about it calmly and in private.

What if your children decide to quit their sport? If they are signed up for a long-term sport such as gymnastics or martial arts, they may just want a break or want to try something else. Talk to them and see what they are thinking. Remember that your goal is to encourage your children to be fit, happy, and active, not to go to the Olympics or get a sports scholarship.

For team sports, keep in mind that most children’s sports leagues are six to eight weeks long. Out of fairness to their teammates and to teach perseverance, you should encourage your children to finish the season. Talk to them about why they want to quit, and help them think of alternatives to get through the season. If they just can’t make it through the season, go to the coach with your children and have them explain why they are quitting.

"Practice sessions that last longer than 2 hours are hard to justify," says Zembower. "An hour to 90 minutes is about right. When practices last longer, children lose concentration and energy."

"Our parents are required to sign a Parents' Code of Ethics," said Charles Bollings, president of the Sandlot Football League, which includes teams in Botetourt, Franklin and Roanoke counties. "It's a handout given to parents to read over. They have to sign it before their child can play."

You can find the Code of Ethics for coaches, parents and players on area parks and rec Web sites. It asks for good sportsmanship through a positive attitude; treat others with respect; and to put the emotional well-being of the children ahead of the desire to win.

John Heil, a sports psychologist in Roanoke, says the same rules of parenting apply in a sports environment as in other environments. Parents should model the behavior they hope to see from their children.

"They're showing their children, 'This is how I think you should act as an adult,' " said Heil.

Heil, chairman of Sports Medicine & Science for U.S. Fencing, said that in addition to having fun, children should be learning how to deal with emotions when playing sports. Sports can teach how to manage the stress and emotions from success or failure. Athletic competition also can foster the discipline needed to work toward a goal. He calls these life skills.

It is difficult for parents not to coach from the sidelines, but parents should be parents and let the coaches coach.

wrestling earned high marks from sports medicine professionals as one of the best sports for children, offering strong cardiovascular conditioning and a low incidence of injury.

The best sport for a child is one that the youngster finds fun and interesting.

The benefits of sports for children are seemingly limitless. They can build character, self-esteem and social relationships, instill a sense of belonging and team building concepts, be a venue for social development-not to mention the positive effects that activity has on a child physically.

Biography
Stacey Schifferdecker is the happy but harried mother of three school-aged children—two boys and a girl. She is also a freelance writer, a Children’s Minister, a PTA volunteer, and a Scout leader. Stacey has a Bachelor’s degree in Communications and French and a Master’s degree in English. She has written extensively about parenting and education as well as business, technology, travel, and hobbies.