Being a parent isn’t easy. You want your child to be happy and successful through life. Of course, this means we worry about our kids, the friends they have, their grades in school, and even their safety. Although it is natural to be protective of our children, sometimes we can go a bit overboard. In fact, there is a point where we are going to have to start trusting our children to make positive choices. You can help to empower our children while they are still kids to be secure, safe, and sensible so they will grow up to make the right choices and enjoy success. Enabling kids and really to disable them in the long run. The key is to stop enabling your children and to learn how to empower them so they will develop into individuals that are competent and confident. Here is a look at some helpful information and tips that will help you avoid enabling your child and some great ways that you can empower your child.
Enabling – What is It?
First, you need to understanding what enabling is. Enabling happens to be a process that occurs when parents that are well meaning allow or even encourage behavior that is destructive and irresponsible from their children. This is done by shielding kids from the consequences that are a result of their actions. However, this is something that is done unintentionally by parents. Basically enabling occurs when we help to rescue kids from their own problems instead of letting them deal with the consequences. It can also include taking over their tasks, bailing them out when they get into trouble, or allowing them to get away with things instead of making them be accountable for the actions that they take.
Maybe you need examples. One example is giving your child more money when they spend all their allowance so they can have money to go out with friends. Another example is doing homework for your child so they don’t deal with bad grades. Yet another example is giving into your child’s every desire and whim because you can’t stand seeing them upset. While you probably feel like you are doing the right thing to help your child, you are actually enabling your child instead of empowering them to be successful and responsible children, and later, adults.
Stop Enabling Your Child with These Tips
Maybe the enabling side sounds familiar to you. Perhaps you have realized that you are enabling your child with your actions. In fact, you may be so used to stepping in and taking care of things for your child that you don’t even realize what is going on anymore. It’s time that you stop enabling your child, and here are a few tips to help.
Tip #1 – Stop Fixing the Problems
In order to stop enabling your child, you need to stop fixing the problems for your children all the time. By fixing their problems, you don’t allow them to admit they even have a problem. If you constantly do their homework, they don’t realize that they are having a problem in school. Until you stop fixing this problem for them, they’ll never realize where they are having problems and get the help they need to truly succeed academically. You cannot do everything for your child or fix all their problems. They must learn to deal with their problems.
Tip #2 – Let Things Get Worse
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to let things get worse. If you’re constantly cleaning up the mess and bailing them out, you’re simply enabling them and they never will learn to stand on their own. While it is tough, sometimes you have to allow things to get tough for them so you can stop enabling and start empowering your child.
Tip #3 – Avoid Feeling Guilty
When you are trying to empower your child instead of enabling them, it is tempting to feel guilty. It’s tough to give your child a bit of tough love. However, even though it is tough to hold back and let them deal with their own problems, in the future it will be worth it. Stop those feelings of guilt in their tracks and realize that you are doing the best thing for your child.
Tips for Empowering Your Child
Now that you understand how to stop enabling your child, you may be wondering how you can work to empower your child. Here are several tips that will help you empower your children to be their very best.
Tip #1 – Avoid Nitpicking
If you want to empower your children, you need to avoid nitpicking. While there are times to correct your children, you need to avoid doing this too much. If it becomes nitpicking, you can make your child feel like they aren’t able to do anything right, which will tear down their self esteem.
Tip #2 – Allow Kids to Begin Making Some Decisions
Another important tip for empowering your kids is to allow them to begin making some decisions. Let them choose their clothing, activities they get involved in, or what they eat. It’s tough sometimes because parents like to be in control. However, allowing them to make decisions will help them learn about decisions and the consequences of making those decisions.
Tip #3 – Avoid Negative Words, Like “NO”
Try to avoid using negative words, like the word “No.” Negative words can take away the confidence of your child. Although this doesn’t mean you need to grant them every request, rephrasing things can make a big difference. For example, if your child wanted cake for dinner, you could tell them, “Yes, it sounds great to have cake for dinner, but the problem is that your body needs a healthy meal with vitamins.” This is a positive way to state this without using the word “no.”
Tip #4 – Pay Attention to Your Child
While it may seem simple, paying attention to your child is something that can make a big difference. Take a moment to think about it. Are you really paying attention to your child when they come to talk to you? Do you stop what you are doing and really listen or do you continue doing other things and only half listen to them? If you’re not paying attention, you are sending a negative message to your child. When you really stop and pay attention to them, you send the message that you care about what is being said, they are important, and you empower your child.
Empowering your child doesn’t have to be difficult, but it will take some work. Start implementing these tips into your life and learn to stop enabling kids – instead learn to empower them so they achieve excellence as they grow into adults.