You Know You’re a Parent When…

50 Ways to know when you graduated to parenthood!

Ah, the joys of parenting! It is the most wonderful job you will ever have. It is also the most frustrating, gross and exhausting. Take a break and enjoy a chuckle over these 50 ways that you know you’re a parent.

My kids are 15, 17 and 19 and they still freak out over number 29. Number 27 is one of my favorites too, gets me every time!

1. You can’t remember the last time you were able to go in the bathroom, close the door and not be interrupted.
2. You know the book “Goodnight Moon” – by heart.
3. You have actually acquired a taste for strained peas.
4. A full night’s sleep is a luxury – and something you haven’t had in so long you can’t even remember.
5. It takes you two days to shave your legs: one leg one day and the other leg the next day.
6. You have never been so frustrated and so in love with anyone in your life.
7. You are at dinner with a friend, they spill something on their shirt and you reach into your bag and pull out baby wipes to clean up.
8. You not only carry smiley face bandages with you, you also carry antibiotic ointment.
9. You have at least one story of how your child cut their own hair.
10. The three second rule isn’t set in stone, sometimes it’s five seconds, sometimes even more.
11. You realize that you are now one of those annoying people who carries a “brag book” of photos of your kids and corners unsuspecting victims with “cute” stories about your offspring.
12. Pregnancy and birth stories are interesting.
13. You have traded in your silk, wool and cashmere for the more practical cotton and polyester.
14. Baby talk is not reserved for just your children.
15. You have stayed up till 1 am making cup cakes for an entire class of first graders.
16. You catch yourself singing the Barney song in the shower.
17. When you are with friends and excuse yourself to go to the restroom you tell them you are “going potty.”
18. Suddenly Christmas Eve is very exciting.
19. Toting your little one has given you bigger biceps than you ever get at the gym.
20. You know how to get gum out of hair.
21. You can actually tell the difference between Huggies and store brand diapers.
22. You refer to your mother as “Grandma.”
23. Anytime you hear a child call for “Mommy” or “Daddy” you look around even though you know for sure that your child is nowhere around.
24. The last time you saw a movie that was above a G rating was…well…you can’t really remember.
25. You have no idea who is on “Grey’s Anatomy,” but you can name every one of the Wiggles, and you know their corresponding color.
26. You know exactly what to say at a goldfish’s funeral.
27. You have trouble concealing your knowing smirk as you listen to a first time mom-to-be talking about how things are going to be once her baby arrives.
28. You catch yourself watching Sponge Bob and Blue’s Clues even when the kids aren’t around.
29. You hear a crash in the next room and you not only know exactly what was the source of the crash, but who created it.
30. A child has a tantrum in the store and instead of being annoyed, you are overjoyed – because for once it isn’t your kid having the fit.
31. The phrase “It’s just a little throw up,” is not unusual for you to say at all.
32. You are “mom” to everyone, fixing ouchies, asking if they have had enough and making sure that they bundle up before going outside.
33. You can bathe a squirming, screaming toddler, wash their hair and dry them off in five minutes flat.
34. You know the emergency room nurses by their first names.
35. You know what a Nuk is, who Blue is and what you do with Enfamil.
36. You actually called all of your friends the first time your little one used the potty all by herself.
37. You carry the following items in your purse: baby wipes, a sandwich bag of Cheerios, antibacterial hand cleaner and theme Band-Aids.
38. You never thought you could worry so much.
39. You know well the power that a running car has over a cranky baby.
40. You can sleep anywhere.
41. You serve your husband dinner and cut his steak into little tiny pieces for him.
42. You realize that you sound just like your mother/father.
43. Not only do you know the names of all the equipment in the emergency room, you know what it is all used for.
44. You are very adept at talking on the phone, holding your baby, cooking dinner and writing your grocery shopping list – all at the same time.
45. You know the exact size of an object is to be a choking hazard.
46. You realize that all that parenting advice you so easily doled out when you were childless just doesn’t quite work in the real world.
47. You know the difference between a happy scream, a scared scream, a bored scream and a “I have just seen a spider! Kill it! Kill it!” scream.
48. You sing “The Clean Up” song while you are doing your housework – and all alone.
49. You know well the power of “Mom spit.”
50. You can’t believe how much space one little person can take up – in your heart.

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